life in tension

summer movies so far...

2011-06-16T08:58:00.000-05:00

my wife has graciously agreed to hit up some of the movies coming out this summer... and when i say some, i mean 8 films.

this may be my last summer for the next couple decades that i can easily get to every film i want to see... soon i will be bringing my child with me. and, if it's a girl, my movie-going habits may shift a little. we'll see.

just as a reminder for any readers: a summer movie, for me, must have explosions and ridiculous visual/audio stimulation.

Thor - there are half a dozen comic-based movies coming out this summer, and i have to admit that the summer comic movies started well with Thor. now, when i say well, i guess i mean 'satisfactory.' Thor wasn't amazing, and it wasn't even great, but it was good. it served its purpose (to introduce us to the character for the Avengers movie next summer) and was very well-cast. the best thing about this film is the cast, in my opinion. If you're a comic reader, you will understand this: the plot of the film is like a 3-issue arc. Just enough to show us that Loki = bad, Thor = good; not enough for any character development or progression via dialogue. the 3 set pieces in the film are like each issue's two-page spread.
if you're planning on seeing Avengers next summer (which you SHOULD, because Joss Whedon will make this movie amazing even if the script is crap), then you should probably see Thor. if you can't see 8 movies this summer, though, i don't know if i'd say you 'have' to see it in the theatre... and, it's almost out of theaters anyway, so if you haven't seen it yet then red box or netflix this one, for sure.

X-men First Class - one of the best-reviewed comics films to be released, and the best-reviewed x-men film by far, and for good reason. whereas Thor feels like a 3-issue arc, X-men FC feels like a properly balanced 6-issue collection, sacrificing maybe 1 giant set piece action scene for proper dialogue and great interaction between Magneto and Professor X. in fact, Fassbender's Magneto is probably the best reason to see this film. If you're familiar with the comics origins of the X-men, then this film will be a bit confusing - the source material is used loosely, and in a couple cases not at all, but somehow it still feels ok! although a part of me would still have preferred to see the 'original' lineup in this reboot of sorts, i'm ok with the group that is put together in this film. i take exception with Darwin's short part, and the 'Angel' character, but the strength of the other roles definitely balance things out. Even Kevin Bacon's Shaw is great! if you have time, see this in the theater - but it'll be pushed out in the next month by all the OTHER movies coming out!

this weekend, i'll be seeing Super8 and Green Lantern... one has great reviews, one has awful reviews... but of course i'll let you know what i think in the next couple weeks :-)

current pop culture consumption

2011-05-26T15:16:00.000-05:00

last year, my wife and i decided to jump in to LOST when we realized that it was only going to last one more season, and when i realized how much of a cultural phenomenon LOST actually was.

You see, i'm one of those people who HATE jumping on bandwagons, and by season 2 LOST had become one of those 'bandwagon' shows, and it is somehow difficult for me to imagine that lots and lots of people might be right about something, not just liking it because their friends like it but because it's good art.

so, we jumped on the LOST train a little late, but we watched seasons 1-5 and started season 6 in "real-time," so that we could watch the series finale with some great friends. i have to admit, the LOST crash course and then watching it with our friends was a pretty great experience, and there were some great stories told in the course of LOST.

this brings us to our current TV show to be consumed... we have been watching Smallville.

10 years ago, when my roommate in college started watching Smallville, i thought it was awful... i was such a comic purist that i was appalled that they would have so many changes to the established Superman mythology. being a young snob, i refused to even indulge in a single episode, and would literally walk out of the room if my roommate was enjoying an episode.

i don't think i'm as much of a jerk now...

sarah and i were thinking, since Smallville will end with season 10, maybe we can start with season 1 and catch up in time for the end of the show!

we came close... the series finale was two weeks ago, and we are halfway through season 9 right now. that's right - we've watched 9 seasons of a show in just a few months! 9 YEARS of Tom Welling learning how to act, Allison Mack carrying significant storylines, and Michael Rosenbaum shaving his head.

Here is my summary so far, in case you have never considered Smallville before:
seasons 1-5 = monster-of-the-week Buffy wannabe. best reason to watch - Michael Rosenbaum as Lex Luthor.
season 6 = now we're getting somewhere
season 7 = supergirl!
season 8 = now we're REALLY getting somewhere
season 9 = finally Superman is a compelling character, and chemistry with Lois is legit.
season 10... i'll have to wait for DVD!

seriously, Michael Rosenbaum's Lex is the only character with any real levels to work with, and Rosenbaum is the only actor who uses those levels wisely. Tom Welling looks like a comic book character, but pretty much none of his acting has been worth it until season 9. And honestly, once you can get Geoff Johns to write an episode (1 in season 8 and one in season 9), i will definitely take you seriously.

and lastly - if you're going to jump in and watch ANY sort of TV show that fills several hundred hours of your life... don't let it simply become an escape from your own life. watch it with someone else. engage with the story, and talk about what is interesting - and maybe, you could even write something just as compelling, or find ways to live your own story well.

renewed reflection

2011-05-10T13:05:00.000-05:00

as mentioned over on my other blog - weddingsongstories.com - i have a lot of things going on in this season of life. with my wife expecting our first child, i literally cannot know how crazy our life may be in a few months, and the past few months of pregnancy and prayer and life have been crazy enough.

over the month of June, i'll have a sabbatical... intended to be a time of rest for me, since i don't rest very well.

over those four weeks, i'll be visiting four other churches, seeing how they do things, hanging out with their worship leaders, and asking hard questions.

i'll post a response to each church i visit here in this space, and link it from FB and Twitter... please check back and comment as i share my impressions... i want to be clear, but i also don't want to be a slave to my assumptions or misunderstandings, so challenge me as necessary :-)

reading confession

2010-11-03T13:31:00.000-05:00

ok, so i had a few other things i was reading in addition to all of that other stuff...

i just finished Death Star by Reeves and Perry, and although it was interesting at points, it was overall pretty 'meh.' Not sure what Star Wars book i might read next, or if i'll read either the Dragon Age prequel i bought or the Fable book by Peter David i picked up...

i also just read the newest trade from Justice League of America (which had some interesting twists) and the bound version of Blackest Night, last year's big deal crisis in the DC Universe. it had some cool moments as well, and i was glad to steal it from my friend Andrew.

and by the way, the Walking Dead TV show (sundays at 10pm) premiered last Sunday, and it was amazing.

now i'll jump back into Churchplanter and Following the River as i sit here in the office listening to Derek Webb's new album, 'feedback.'

upcoming posts/thoughts

2010-10-22T09:21:00.000-05:00

i like to read

mostly, i like to read theology and/or graphic novels/comics.

i'm anxiously anticipating the end of Ex Machina and The Walking Dead (soon to be a TV show on AMC), i've been following developments in the DC Universe with Brightest Day and the Batman franchise... i also like to read the Xmen books when i can and i keep tabs on the general happenings in the Marvel Universe. on top of all that, i usually buy the Halo trades that come out, and have bought the Ender books that have been made in comic form recently.

While that stuff engages my creative story-telling side, i'm also reading things that challenge me theologically and philosophically.
I just finished Why Johnny Can't Preach, after finishing Why Johnny Can't Sing Hymns, and i had previously finished Radical, by David Platt.

this little kick of finishing books got me a little too excited, i think, and i started a HUGE list of books, all practically at once:
The Words of Jesus by Phyllis Tickle
What Would Jesus Deconstruct? by John Caputo
Samson and the Pirate Monks by Nate Larkin
Theology Remixed by Adam English
Following the River by Bob Sorge
Heart of the Artist by Rory Noland
Church Planter by Darrin Patrick

and while i'm trying to read all of those, i'm trying to stay focused on Acts as we teach through that at GCC, so i'm reading a couple different translations of Acts as well as a couple paraphrases each week, sometimes daily.

i'm not really sure what book to tackle first, because there are fascinating ideas in ALL of them, so if you have a suggestion of which one i should nail first, please let me know your thoughts! and, if you've read any of the above listed books, let me know your thoughts as well.
as i read through these, i'll try to post some of my thoughts on them. I desperately want to post my thoughts on Why Johnny Can't Sing Hymns so i can get some dialogue going with some other worship leaders and church musicians i know, so that post is coming soon...

as well as some current reflections i have on adultlescence, or prolonged adolescence, or being rejuveniled, or any of the other quirky ways to describe a period of life that is now a cultural expectation for all young men, which i think i'm only now beginning to admit applies even to me!

stay tuned...

and, check out weddingsongstories.com as i keep posting things there as well...

music updates

2010-10-01T10:22:00.000-05:00

the WeddingSongs album is finally finished! i've got it set up on CDBaby for download, and hopefully i'll have some money in a few weeks to print some physical CDs. iTunes should be up in a week or two, as well...

for the stories behind the songs, updated each week for the next two months, check out weddingsongstories.com and leave a comment!

keeping score

2010-07-23T09:42:00.000-05:00

so now we move to the last of the 3 things substituted often by video gaming...

keeping score.

clearly, we care about the score being kept correctly - this is evident in gaming culture in MANY ways -
gamerscore (xboxlive)
K/D (kill to death ratio)
trophies (playstation network)
avatar awards (xboxlive)
leaderboards (most games that function on a network)

there are people who will play games JUST to "boost their gamerscore," which is pretty crazy to think about... someone who is willing to spend 10 to 24 hours of their life playing a game ONLY to get some imaginary points that have no bearing on any other aspect of life - they don't even play the game for story, content, or enjoyment, just the score.
some gamers will play through a game JUST to get all the points out of it, even if they've finished the story and have no fun playing anymore, they want to get the 'recognition' that is inherent in 'earning' all the obscure and difficult achievements.

you could actually boil down this obsession with achievements to the concept that we all want someone to keep score for us, to know that we matter.

we all want to earn respect, like i talked about in previous posts, and we want to know that we mean something in the scheme of things.

hear this important truth: YOU MATTER to God the Father, the one who Created you. you are vitally important to Him, and he loves you in ways you can't even understand.

this is connected to another important truth: in Jesus, you have ALL you need - your score has been maxed out, if you will - for life and godliness. (I Peter 1:3)

sometimes these spiritual truths don't resonate with us as much as the easier, practical thought of "if i earn it, i deserve it." certainly, in gaming culture, you earn the weapon upgrades, the perks, and the points necessary to be respected and to matter to the game structure. but what we find scripturally is that, in real life, we don't have to earn the upgrades or strive for respect - in Christ, we have all of that and more.

when thinking about the idea of 'keeping score,' i think of Matthew 5:2-11 - in this teaching, Jesus is pointing out that in the big picture, God is keeping score of the things that might otherwise go unseen. the way we live in response to the gospel of Jesus might not always be flashy, fun, exciting, and money-making, but our response to the gospel is what really matters in the end.

there are two kinds of ways that score is kept for us in our lives, and these are relationships that are more meaningful that the kids we party up with on xbox live or the clan we want to join for WoW -
one way is human accountability - and this is grown by intentional, consistent relationships with other people.
i just posted about command structure, and this is directly tied to accountability. those who are in authority and those who are serving us are also helping keep score for us, encouraging us to accomplish all that God has for us.
think about friendships, too... we find in Ecclesiastes 4:12 that two or three who join together to accomplish something cannot be easily broken down. Paul tells us in Galatians 6:1-3 that there is an expectation for believers to bear each others burdens, to hold each other up when necessary but also to recognize when we should be spurring one another on.

even more significant than human score-keeping, though, is God's scorecard.
I Thess 2:4 reminds us that God tests our hearts. He sees deeper, through our occasional mask, knowing what our motivations really are. and in Hebrews 4:12-13 we are reminded that God's word is powerful as a means of helping us gauge our intentions, and we will ultimately give an account to Him for how we have lived.

that's a pretty heavy statement... we will give an account to God the Creator.

thankfully, Christ will stand with us during that account, but nevertheless we will have to converse with our Creator about how many hours we gamed, how we loved our families, how we lived and talked about the gospel, and how we loved Him on earth.

so ultimately, what we do matters... and therefore, what we DON'T do matters as well. the way that games keep score for us and tell us that our actions have consequences and that we are important... this is only a dim glimpse of the fact that what you do with your LIFE matters... your actions have consequences, and you ARE important - God has given YOU a mission, hasn't He? and he has equipped you for that mission and given you a chain of command to keep score for you and help you accomplish His mission, which is now YOUR mission.

if you have any input or thoughts about the last three posts, please leave a comment or send me a message! i'd love to have some help in developing these ideas so that i can share them again in small group contexts, youth events, etc. but i need your help, kind reader :-)

posting icons

2010-07-21T14:00:00.000-05:00

i just need to get these images to have a URL, so i'll use the ol' blog :-)

substitutes

2010-07-20T14:37:00.000-05:00

i definitely hated substitute teachers back in high school - not because of who they were as people, or even that they were subbing in, but they never TAUGHT, in my experience. rather, the substitute just monitored the space, and nothing really significant happened in class. it always felt like a waste of time.

sometimes, we substitute things into our lives that are meant to be space where the Gospel of Jesus teaches and shapes us. and THOSE kinds of substitutes are TRULY a waste of time. instead of finding our true purpose in our life in Christ, we find purpose in pursuit of comfort, in pursuit of recognition, and in pursuit of a desire of some sort.

video games can unfortunately become a substitute for 3 key things that the Gospel of Jesus truly fulfills:
1 - mission
2 - command structure
3 - someone keeping score

last week at RE:SPAWN we talked about the fact that Jesus gives us a mission, lays it out pretty clearly for us, and then equips us to accomplish it. the mission of God is the most powerful, life-changing mission we can undertake, and it just so happens that God WANTS us to be about His mission!
video games have mission structures - a clear goal, a clear path or two, and you have something to accomplish. the mission of a game is WAY easy, when compared to the mission of God, and even the mission of being a good student. it's easier to accomplish something in the game, and so we spend time doing the mission that we can accomplish with little effort rather than focusing on the mission that will affect our lives in deep and potent ways.

this week, we'll be talking about the fact that we all need to understand the command structure and function within it.

to realize how our need for command structure is met (partly) in gaming, think about how Master Chief interacts with Marines in the Halo games... there is a level of respect, they follow his orders, they assist his mission. And, from a gamer's perspective, this just feels RIGHT. Of COURSE it should be this way, and if there was a different interaction, it would either be an awful game or a different game all together.

In a strategy game or an RPG, there are command structures in place that ensure that the game will flow in a manner that tells the story and accomplishes the goals. an RPG without boundaries would be pretty weird and not terribly compelling as a game, and the concept of strategy games demands that there be rules within which you can strategize with strategery.

these games, without a command structure and boundaries, would be chaos.

and what would chaos be like? i mean, seriously...

what would chaos be like in game design. you wouldn't play it!
what would chaos be like in gov't - what about in your home? as interesting as it may be to think about the momentary fun of chaos in the home or in the town, chaos would ultimately be destructive - it is not who we are, it does not truly resonate with our nature.

God made us in His image, we bear His image, our nature is rooted in His nature, especially if we are Christians. here's some scripture to get our minds around what all this stuff means:

God's chain of command in:
     trinity - Matt 26:39, Phil 2:5-11
          Clearly, there is a structure even within the Trinity, in whose image we are made. Jesus submits to the Father, yet the Father lifts up the Son as Lord to whom EVERY knee will bow when things are made right. So... the ultimate authority in our command structure is God, and the person of Jesus is our Lord and King.
     family - Col. 3:17-21, Eph. 5:21-6:4, Prov. 17:6, I John 3:1-3
          Within the family, there is a structure - and when we function within it rather than fighting it, we might just like it. Something deep within us resonates with proper structure, authority, and submission, and Paul lays it all out in his letters. One of the reasons that our roles as children are so important is because we are called children of God, and He is our Father, and in order to really know how that will work, we must live out that truth with our earthly fathers as much as it depends on us.
          Thankfully, there is no clarification that we are to obey our parents only if they are "cool," or "right all the time," or "perfect," but rather the implication is that we are to obey them even if they are NOT right! that'll make your brain explode if you are ages 12-22.
     church - Hebrews 13:17, I Peter 2:13-15
        Our chain of command also includes the church - the elders, the pastors, and the leaders in ministries are the ones in authority over us, and God holds them accountable for that leadership! we should take advantage of this command structure and get to know our pastors and leaders when we are young, for they have much to teach us about God's mission if we would listen.

so within these three contexts, we have our command structure, our chain of command. what makes our military so (generally speeaking) successful? do they run around and shoot whoever they want every battle (like some kids i know play Call of Duty)? nope - there are commands... there is a mission, and there are those who are commanders.

how this unpacks for the youth in particular and gamers in general:
in our lives(if we are believers), the Lord Jesus is the supreme commander in chief... He is the Lord before whom EVERYone will eventually bow, and we have the opportunity to serve with NOW, since we have responded to the gospel. it is important that we learn more and more about this Lord we serve, so as to serve Him better.
after Jesus, the next general down is the family - your father, your mother, your grandparents, they are commanders who can give you what you need to accomplish God's mission. this is often passed over, and frequently these commanders will neglect their duty to care for and support you... but God will still speak through even flawed commanders (or donkeys... look it up).
within the church, there are many men and women who can serve as fathers, mothers, and brothers to help you complete God's mission, but there are also men who are Pastors, who are authorities who can give you specific goals within the mission, and who can pray with you about defeating the enemy. we must keep this in mind, and even renew our minds with these encouraging truths.

re:spawn

2010-07-09T11:08:00.001-05:00

i've been pumped about Fridays in the summer for one particular reason - i get to play video games during "work."

last year, Eisenberg, Shaun, and I had the idea for some sort of gaming event that could take advantage of the TVs and network we have here at the church... we had done stuff during youth Lock-ins, but that was it...

on Fridays from 11 to 3, we are setting up the TVs, hooking up the xbox and/or Wii systems, and getting our game on. it reminds me at times of the good ol' days of playing Halo or Halo2 in the dorms at CU, where we'd have 16 guys connected through the dorm network, yelling at each other through the suites or down the hallway - nothing beats hearing your friend scream in anguish from down the hall after you get some lucky kill.

i've had a desire to find ways to redeem video gaming from the ways it is typically viewed by 'adults,' and re:spawn has been one of those ways. we don't JUST shoot each other for 4 hours... but rather, we game for a bit, then take a break to eat lunch. then, i have a captive audience for some discussion, scripture, and prayer. then we shoot each other some more.

some of the things that we talked about last summer and have re-capped this summer have been:
the gospel - the 4 key ingredients when talking about it (God, Man, Christ, Response)
the 10,000 rule - after 10k hours, one can be considered an expert at whatever skill/task has been practiced for those hours. musicians, artists, computer programmers, writers, etc - after 10,000 hrs, they are respected as masters of their craft. 10k breaks down to roughly 10 years of doing something for an hour or two a day. so, do we really want to be video game experts by the time we are 22-28? (the youth age 12-18 - i guess i'm technically already a gaming expert... yay?)
playing games/reading books/watching movies with gospel goggles - the gospel changes everything about us, affects the way we see and interact with the world. it's like wearing goggles that we see through, in a way. when we are gaming, we can't just turn our brains off. what of the gospel is there in the story of the game? is there anything redeemable or valuable? if not, we should probably turn it off... but if so, what does it show us about God and the gospel?
the social factor of gaming - using the time/games to build relationships and get to know people. online interactivity allows us to maintain relationships with people who live down the street or across the world, and if we are being intentional we can use our gaming time to serve a real purpose.

in a recent video sermon from Mark Driscoll, he said some things in passing about video games that were very challenging to me, and gave me some things to think about and chew on heading into this year's re:spawn events.
over the next 3 weeks, i'll be unpacking 3 points. for a large number of youth and adolescents, and even some adultlescents, video gaming (or insert movie watching, obsessive reading, etc) becomes a substitute for something. video games end up filling a space in us and in our time that is intended to be filled by the gospel, and we need to be aware of this - especially gamers like me and our youth at GCC. the 3 things that we need that gaming substitutes are:
1 - we need a mission
2 - we need a command structure
3 - we need someone keeping score

since some of the guys are out of town this week, i figured i'd go ahead and write up some of the key points from this week's study so that they can stay in the loop.

- video games give us missions to accomplish. in fact, most games can be broken down into various missions, and if we don't have a mission or the mission isn't clear, we lose interest in the game. video games give us memorable missions - there are levels, bosses, and cinematics that i'll remember for a LONG time because of the mission they were a part of or the mission i accomplished in the experience.
- the gospel gives us a mission that is SO much more meaningful, SO much more clear, and SO much more memorable than anything we can do through our digital selves. in Matthew 28 when Jesus gives us our mission, in the book of Acts where we read of the mission beginning to take shape, and in all the epistles where the mission is explained in more detail - we find that the mission of God has the power to transform lives, communities, cultures, and ultimately the whole world.
- so why do we spend so much time doing things on the couch?

if you're interested in re:spawn, look for the events on Facebook (publicly searchable)

songs i wish i wrote

2010-06-01T14:30:00.003-05:00

this is a song by the classic crime entitled "the happy nihilist"

i've wanted to pen a similar song for a few years now, and now i'll have to think of a different approach... oh well. too slow on the trigger, as they say...

i am a happy nihilist
no absolute truth does exist
when i decide to shake my fist
i only got myself to blame
'cause we're all players and life's the game
i only take what i need
i am so light on my feet
i will not stop or concede
i am not driven by greed
no moral compass for me
it's all just natural feelings
existence has no meaning
there's no such thing as happy

but late at night when i sleep,
i dream of more than i see
there's something burning in me
and driving need to be free
why do i sit here and think
about the things that i need
there's nothing left to believe, oh is it all just a dream?

i've taught this to myself
piled books up on the shelf
but it still hurts like hell
to trust nobody else but me
i used to read everything
i used to need nothing
i put my money on me
i used to be something
now i can't sleep
cause i'm not happy

why am i haunted by the metaphysical
is it a cosmic lie or is it literal?
the books i read that used to free my mind
have made me more blind
but the truth
i'll find it

i was a happy nihilist
now i'm wondering why i exist

life with the red ring of death

2010-04-13T15:14:00.002-05:00

for those of you unfamiliar, the 'red ring of death' is a term reserved for the wonderfully-crafted piece of machinery known as an Xbox360. this quality product has a 2 out of 3 tendency to have catastrophic hardware failure within 1-2 years of functionality.

it could only be made by - microsoft.

anyway, my xbox360 displayed this dreaded red ring last week, and i had to send it off to repair. the UPS store kid said they get two of those A DAY.

What have i accomplished in the time i would otherwise have been gaming?
- raked the yard of rocks/pebbles in preparation for topsoil
- bought fencing materials
- read The Lost Symbol
- read 3 trades of the Walking Dead
- read Empire, by Orson Scott Card
- read What is the Gospel?, by Greg Gilbert

The Lost Symbol was largely a waste of my time. I have the compulsion to finish books/movies/games that i start, however, so i had to keep reading even though i threw up a little in my mouth at several points. Particularly the points at which Dan Brown feels the need to completely abuse any sort of proper treatment of the Bible. He is teaching people pretty horrible hermeneutics through the course of his fast-paced, thrilling nonsense. But, i liked Angels and Demons (the book, not the film), so i had to give it a shot.

The Walking Dead, by Robert Kirkman, is a fascinating jump into a zombie apocalypse, focusing on a small group of key characters. the depths of human nature are plumbed, and it's not for anyone under 17, in my opinion. definitely rated-R, but also definitely thought-provoking and significantly engrossing. also just gross at times, but mostly engrossing.

Empire, by Card (one of my favorite authors), was amazing. It was fast-paced, but in so many ways BETTER than any of Brown's books. much more is left to the imagination of the reader, and since i have a pretty vivid sci-fi imagination, and watch lots of movies with explosions, my mind was able to supply some pretty sweet details to compliment the deft narrative woven by Card. the premise is: what if there was a contemporary civil war between red states and blue states, precipitated by the assassination of the president and vice pres.? you should go read this.

i just picked up the sequel, Hidden Empire, today from the library, so i'm hoping to finish this one before the ol' Xbox360 returns sans red ring.

i wonder what else i can accomplish before the gaming resumes...?

at long last - thoughts on late summer movies

2009-12-04T09:59:00.002-05:00

District 9 -
although i am deeply saddened that the Halo feature film fell through (the downloadable short film is available on Xbox Live), that unfortunate development led to the VERY fortunate production of District 9. Blomkamp (director) and Jackson (producer) moved their energies out of the Halo universe and into fictional, near-future South Africa.
I really, really enjoyed this film because of how well it draws in the viewer - the use of documentary-style storytelling is not overdone or distracting, but rather helpful in pacing the story. The final act of the film clips along pretty steadily, and is quite intense. I'm all about intense films, but my wife was a little bit unnerved by the treatment of a baby(?) alien creature, so let the ladies be informed that this film is so good that you'll actually care about what happens to an alien. That, to me, is the mark of a great storyteller.
all of the effects shots are woven into the "real" shots so well that you have to remind yourself that what you're looking at is digitally inserted. i'm not sure how you direct something that's as much digital as it is non-digital, but Blomkamp was able to get a LOT out of Sharlto Copley, so i'm interested to see how Copley does in the role of Murdock on the new A-Team movie...
Although the Hollywood machine has deemed that this movie demands a sequel/prequel (based upon money earned), i'm a little anxious about that - this film stands alone, telling a complete story that crafts a believable world and set of characters. I will look forward to ANYthing that Blomkamp is invovled with in the future, however, even if it is an unnecessary sequel to District 9.

GI Joe -
now, i may take some flack for this, but this movie is one of the worst films i have subjected myself to in my entire life.
I am a pure child of the 80's, so Transformers, GI Joe, Thundercats, and Ducktales were some of the most powerful, formative influences in my impressionable mind. I still collect Transformers stuff here and there, and i'm a big Storm Shadow fan, so i had serious expectations for this film that were rooted in my childhood experience.
When i was a kid, it was okay for lasers to fly across the screen and no one get harmed. When i was a kid, it was okay when there was nothing resembling a storyline in the episode or connecting episodes. When i was a child, i spoke like a child and reasoned like a child. Now that i'm an "adult," i've marginalized some of the childish things, and i've certainly tried to stay away from pop drivel that melts your brain. Unfortunately, i feel a little bit dumber after having watched GI Joe.
I will give the film its due in only one area: Ray Park as Snake Eyes. it is impossible to have cast that role any better. What makes me sad is that so much of the Snake Eyes character is digital that you aren't really sure if you're watching Ray Park at all. Or maybe Ray Park is all digital too, which wouldn't surprise me.
Here's the saddest part of all - i'll probably see the sequel.

Zombieland
Woody Harrelson was perfect in this film - he basically stars with Michael Cera, i mean, Jesse Eisenberg, in a comedic take on the zombie trends saturating pop culture right now.
There's actually a pretty meaningful story at the heart of this strangely fun movie, and that story is what holds all the set pieces together. I really enjoy shooting zombies via XboxLive, and i have enjoyed SOME of the resurgent zombieness (28 Days Later, Shaun of the Dead, Left4Dead), so i was pretty pumped about a film that would at once embrace this zombie craze and also poke some fun at it in a tongue-in-cheek, self-aware fashion.
There were many moments of slapstick, more than a few moments of sarcasm, and a few moments of tenderness mixed together with flesh-craving special effects shots and a generally apocalyptic backdrop. I guess it's getting fairly easy for Hollywood to create an empty, trash-littered highway and deserted towns since every studio seems to be putting out a movie that would take advantage of that setting.
Catch this in the $1.50 theatre if possible, but otherwise it's worth a red-box rental. or netflix.
who even goes to blockbuster anymore?

buyer - be informed

2009-11-11T10:42:00.006-05:00

one of the greatest problems faced by consumers in our culture is the MASSIVE amount of choices available to us. because of this overwhelming amount of choices and thus information, we often decide to sit back and just go with our instincts, our first impulse, our gut feelings when deciding what to buy.

the assumption there is that we've developed reliable guts.

the way i've seen this play out recently is in the context of video gaming. Parents, and young adults and teens, are buying games without much research or awareness of the content - rather, because the game is hyped, marketed well, or simply on sale, the game gets bought. Because there are SO MANY games and SO MANY systems available, it can definitely seem like a daunting task for parents to even BEGIN to get a handle on the content of the games being released, much less the huge library of games already available.

personally, i've been having to tighten up our family's budget a bit, and in doing so i've been forced to consider the things on which we spend money. in this consideration, i've been forced to come to terms with the amount of media i purchase (another discussion for another time), and also forced to consider the content of this media. Music, Movies, Books, and Video Games...

when Grand Theft Auto 4 released early in the year, i was amazed at the rating it received - a perfect 10 from IGN, one of the best-reputed game reviewers in print or on the web. My first thought was "man, i've GOT to play this game. it got a perfect 10 from IGN!"

i fought my instinct, though, and did a little digging before forking out $60. in the course of my research, i found some unfortunate plot points and some very unfortunate gameplay features that changed my perspective on the game. I realized that there was very, very little in the game that would encourage me but rather very, very much that would cause me to consume images of murder, prostitution, drug abuse - but more than a movie or book, i would be actively CHOOSING these activities through the medium of a game.

Paul's challenge to me (and all followers of Jesus) is to think on things that are deeply valuable, not merely entertaining. we are to consider the things that are "true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and/or praiseworthy."

it is my opinion that not all these characteristics need be present in a particular medium, but at LEAST 2 or 3 of these should be obvious in any media that we put in front of our eyes and thus in our minds. if NONE of these characteristics is present, then what ultimate value is present...?

when i held this up to GTA4, it was left sorely wanting, so i decided to hold off. ultimately, the multiplayer portion of GTA that was so highly acclaimed dropped to only a handful of players online at a given time, and in today's highly connected video gaming world, multiplayer is almost a must-have, and if you attempt it, you better do it WELL. but, i digress...

i also realized that as a follower of Jesus, i couldn't really recommend a game like GTA4, and i began considering the other games i've played/am playing, wondering which ones i could let a youth from my church borrow, and which ones probably would need to be screened by their parents first... but i quickly realized that so many parents, and their consuming teenagers, are woefully misinformed or underinformed when it comes to the media content in front of their kids!

With all that said, here's what has prompted this whole train of thought:
in the new xbox360/playstation3 game Modern Warfare 2, a new line has been crossed by game developers at Activision and Infinity Ward. this game is rated M for "mature," meaning you can't buy it unless you are 17 or older, but that won't stop most parents from being suckered into getting it for their whiny 12-year-old who wants nothing else in this world besides that one video game that all his friends are playing (i was that kid, so i'm not hating).
If you are a parent considering this game for your child, or if you are a parent whose child has already beaten the single-player campaign for this game, or if you are a conscientious young adult who wants to consider carefully where your money goes - do some research on the content of this game.
i did, and found out something very troubling.
as usual, i went to IGN.com to read the review... most of what was said indicated that this game is a significant step up from COD:MW, and poised to be one of the "best" games of the year. the multiplayer is layered with customizable and unlockable features, and a new co-op mode promises hours of interesting gameplay. Nowhere in the review, however, did i find mention of the Moscow Airport level.
During a portion of the single-player campaign in the game, you play the part of an undercover agent in a terrorist cell that decides to attack an airport filled with unarmed civilians. This puts the player in position to end the lives of nameless non-combatants.
let that image sink in...
Now, this may not strike you immediately, but put yourself in the shoes of a young teenager who has never been exposed to this level of violence... put yourself in the position of a parent who has sought to protect their child from such images... put yourself in the position of a person who might encounter real violence like this in their place in the world. (how ridiculous this must be to someone who has lost their family to a terrorist attack - we are playing games that effectively mock their experience).
the argument from Infinity Ward may be that they intend to shock the gamer into recognizing the horrible, dark side of war... but this level is not the way to do that, no matter the story's context. this is a gratuitous, insulting use of the gaming medium to perpetuate pointless violence. a child should not be given the option of choosing whether or not to shoot unarmed civilian characters (which is why GTA4 can be a dangerous game for kids).

so, what do we do with this? already, MW2 is being referred to as the 'best selling entertainment property' of the year, with a HUGE number from release sales. so, our kids and friends are already being exposed to or have been exposed to the content from this game.
this is an opportunity for parents to engage with their kids in meaningful conversation. it's a chance for college students and young adults to pause and reflect on the things we purchase, the images we take in, and the stories we consume. How did/does this level make the player feel? How do these images make sense in light of the Gospel? What value is there, if any, in experiencing this kind of level in a video game?
If the player didn't feel anything particularly notable while playing this level... it's time to turn the video games off for a while. If the only way we connect to violence in the world is through a simulation, we are VERY disconnected from reality. If the player has no idea how to reconcile this level/these images with the Gospel, or if the player can't articulate whether or not there is value here... maybe the $60 could be better spent elsewhere. Maybe there is some room for many more conversations to happen, outside of the living room with the TV in it. Maybe there are some more important things into which the gamer could invest their time, emotional energy, and thoughts.
it's so very important that followers of Jesus be willing to hold up the things we consume to the Gospel, and let the teaching and life of Jesus help us filter out the things that are going to be destructive in the long run...

delayed reviews...

2009-11-11T10:39:00.004-05:00

i still plan on giving some thought to District 9 and GI Joe (still haven't seen it even though it's on DVD now), so hopefully i'll have some time for that while i'm stuck on the couch next week - i have an outpatient surgery that will keep me from being too mobile for a few days, so those reviews can hopefully get done...

but before i get to those movies, i've felt like commenting on some of the newer video games being released... video game culture is a whole other post i'd like to get to, but there's a pressing matter regarding a new release in particular for which i'm forming up my thoughts... Modern Warfare 2.

stay tuned...

woe is me, my budget suffers

2009-09-10T15:14:00.002-05:00

i was able to catch District 9, but GI Joe will have to wait for the 1.50 theatre... just couldn't justify 15 bucks for what may be an intellectually weak film. it'll have explosions, sure, but that isn't ALL that i want to pay for...
so, part 3 of the movie review will wait until GI Joe makes it to the cheap seats.

accordingly, i've also had to pay attention to where my other entertainment money goes... my wife got me tickets to U2 in October, and we are seeing Derek Webb this month, followed by Mute Math in November, and each of those tickets takes some intentional budgeting.

back in college, i had money to waste (this is a statement from that perspective). Now, almost every dollar must be accounted for, and this is not a natural thing for me to do! thankfully, God still provides me opportunities to supplement my budget in ways that are both a blessing to me and a way for me to bless others - weddings, worship events, guitar lessons, chapel at Cape Fear... all of these things allow me to have money to spend on my beautiful wife (whose birthday is next week!), to spend on movies/music/comics, and to buy Christmas gifts. i feel like, the closer we get to having children, the more that my 'side money' is going to have a different focus... namely, the child! gotta save for his/her first guitar, after all.

still working on that definition of "evangelical," by the way... hoping to sit down and focus on it in the next couple weeks, before Home Group really starts up for us.

summer movies, pt. deux

2009-08-04T16:49:00.004-05:00

looks like i'll need a part 3... i'll hopefully be seeing G.I.Joe soon, and then i'll be catching District 9 if possible.

Up -

The men and women at Pixar are some of the few filmmakers still carrying the torch for responsible, powerful, beautiful storytelling. I dread the day when they put out a bomb, like Dreamworks animation and others are occasionally releasing. If/When this happens (Pixar releasing a bad movie), prepare for the apocalypse. So, everytime i go to a Pixar flim, part of me is anxiously waiting for this to prove to be a great movie, and part of me is calmly anticipating what will indeed be a great movie.

Up is a great movie, simply put. Whether you see it in 3-D (like we did) or in old-fashioned 2-D, you won’t be able to avoid being bathed in a palette of rich color. The depth of color used in this film really pulls you into the world of the characters. Although there aren’t enough moments to necessarily demand that it be viewed in 3-D, i can’t complain about forking out the extra cash to have this movie just a little more “in” my face. The textures are great, and even though the human and animal characters are given exaggerated/cartoony features, they look like you could reach out and touch them.

Up has some very intense moments of personal intimacy, and some very sweeping moments of epic locales. The pinnacle of the story, for me, was the old man’s relationship with his wife - i even cried at one point during the film, which hasn’t happened in several years during a movie. Although the story is moved along by the old man’s relationship with the little boy, the motivating factor of his wife really resonated with me, a relatively-newly-wed young gentleman. Even right now, thinking about this particular aspect of the movie, i start to tear up as my thoughts move to my own wife and how much i want to cherish her in a way that would approach what is communicated in this part of the film.

There are tons of slapstick moments and little-kid humor, which illustrates Pixar’s uncanny ability to reach many audiences at once - adults, singles, married couples, kids of all ages, etc. There is something in this film that will resonate with you, regardless of your station in life or the season you’re in. Take the time to see it on the big screen so that it can really sweep you away, but even if you wait for DVD, make sure that you take some time to watch this with your family and/or friends.

Transformers 2 -

Two men in Hollywood have an unnatural, even preternatural, tendency toward large explosions. Michael Bay, producer/director of this movie, is one of those aberrant men. He managed to completely surprise me with the perverse amount of explosions of all types to be found in TF2.

Granted, one of the things i am looking for in a summer movie is ridiculously-good-looking explosions - BUT, i also prefer for there to be a story in between explosions. TF2 has no identifiable story, and really no reason for human characters. All of the awkward, pointless things from TF have been drawn out even more in the sequel. Remember how dumb the dialogue was? now it’s worse. Remember how stupid the Witwicky family is? They get stupider. Remember the awkward jokes about sexuality? There’s more, and it’s even more inappropriate for kids. Remember the strange racial stereotype embodied in the Autobot Jazz? Well, take that racial stereotype and literally multiply it by two. Remember John Turturro’s embarrassing role from TF? He gets an even more embarrassing role this time around. Such a good actor… sad times.

So, you may be wondering, “what is worthwhile in this movie?”

The Robots and the Explosions.

I loved all of the scenes with robot battles, robot chases, robot mayhem… completely satisfying eye candy, and completely suited for the big screen. I may buy this on DVD, but i’m sure that the scenes won’t be quite as engrossing on the home TV… but, on DVD, i’ll be able to skip all the unnecessary scenes with human characters! The explosions in this film are epic, creative, and exciting. I really am impressed with how Bay visualized these special effects while shooting, and then implemented them on the computer. i cannot think of another movie even close to comparable in the explosion department. and the Star Wars special editions have an exploding DEATH STARS.

If you are wondering whether to take your kids or not, i really think this one is skippable. If you are a diehard action-movie fan, or a true TF fan, there are some things worth seeing in this movie, and it can be enjoyable to a point. Just make sure you have NO EXPECTATIONS from Shia LeBeouf, Michael Bay, or the absent ‘plot’ of this movie.

Public Enemies -

Captain Jack Sparrow. Edward Scissorhands. Willy Wonka. The Mad Hatter. John Dillinger. Johnny Depp.

Bruce Wayne. John Connor. Patrick Bateman. Laurie. Jack Kelly. Melvin Purvis. Christian Bale.

These two actors are shockingly capable men. When Bale was in 3:10 to Yuma with Crowe, you were able to watch two equally strong screen-personalities go AT IT in their subtle dialogue and not-so-subtle action sequences. it was a great film, you should see it. Depp, although overused in Burton movies, is a very adept actor, making all the right subtle choices that convince the viewer of his characterization.

I’m a history buff, so this movie was right up my alley. Billy Crudup (Dr. Manhattan) has a believable turn as J. Edgar Hoover, and all the other bit players in this piece play their roles nicely. All of the settings and dialogue are believable, and pretty engrossing to someone who enjoys the attention to detail.

This film serves as a sort of vignette, definitely an abridged picture of Dillinger’s life. All of the keys are there, however, so in its brevity it is succinct. There are only a few times where the two main characters interact, so they don’t really go head to head as much as you might hope. Depp, in my opinion, embodies the famous Dillinger charisma very well, and intrigued me enough to the point that i want to do some more Dillinger research - to read the newspaper articles from the time, read some more biographical stuff, or even re-read the book on which the movie is based. Dillinger was a bank robber who you’d probably enjoy having a beer (or soda - it’s the prohibition, after all) with, unless you were J. Edgar Hoover trying to make a name for your Bureau. I think that Bale plays a Purvis who would even have enjoyed the chance to sit down with Dillinger.

This is not necessarily a theatre movie… you could wait for DVD. There are a couple gun battles that are pretty fun on the big screen, but certainly not necessary for the experience of engaging in Dillinger’s story. I highly recommend this film to fans of the 20’s, Dillinger, Depp, or Bale. Michael Mann’s direction is subtle and not as energetic as Collateral or Heat, mostly because of the different level of intensity that Dillinger’s story requires.

summer moveis '09 - part 1

2009-06-09T10:03:00.006-05:00

each summer, my wife and i budget to see some movies. for me, there are certain criteria that must be met before i fork over 7+ dollars for a ticket.
- there must be explosions
- there must be visuals that demand to be in your face
- there must be explosions
- there must be some sort of story being told in between explosions

so this summer, we've already seen a couple movies, so i'll give my thoughts on those:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
if this is the first of a franchise of Wolverine and/or X-men Origins movies, i am very sad. I love comics, and even though i love DC a little more than Marvel, i still voraciously consume trade paperbacks and graphic novel collections of the plotlines of pretty much every major player in both DC and Marvel (thank the Lord for the public library!). This fact, however, is mostly what made Wolverine so un-enjoyable for me. I KNOW THE SOURCE MATERIAL. and not even as much as someone who is a 'fan' of Wolverine might know it - and thus, i was sorely disappointed. This movie strays from some of the most complex, nuanced backstory available in comicdom into a land of implausible (even for a COMIC), foolish set pieces that aren't even connected together well.
What does it have going for it? the intro sequence is smooth. the two legitimate fight scenes are eye candy. There are a couple of good explosions. Jackman still evokes the essence of Wolverine (seen best in X-2). Seeing the Weapon-X crew in their ONE, short scene together was pretty interesting, but all of the things that were done well were done too briefly.
The movie's pacing leaves you little time for actually getting too caught up in all the flaws... they kind of hit you like a small car as you are leaving the theatre trying to remember what you liked about the movie.
Should you see it...? Maybe. if you're a popcorn-flick person, there are better summer movies on which to spend your money. it's worth renting on DVD if you're a fan of the comics, but there's basically no way that they can entice me to buy the DVD at this point - the plot (or lack thereof) of this film is beyond redemption.

Star Trek
Growing up on Star Trek: The Next Generation, i have a pretty significant stake in Trekdom. As much as the Star Wars films informed my adolescent imagination, the Star Trek mythos was passed down to me from my dad and is a beloved part of my childhood. I remember watching 'the Wrath of KKKHHHAAAAAAAAANN' when i was probably 12, and thinking that Kirk and Spock were looking a little old already... i remember seeing 'the Undiscovered Country' in the theatre and being pretty impressed, and then 'First Contact' brought the ST:TNG crew onto the big screen successfully.
J.J. Abrams has been successful in this attempt, in many ways. Financial Success - even with less hype, i think this film would have grossed just as much on its own merit. But, being one of the bigger movies of the summer, it is guaranteed a sequel on its financial success alone. sad how Hollywood sees things that way... Technical Success - although over-hyped as having some sort of newer, fancier special effects, i do have to agree that this film utilized massive effects shots and epic CGI sequences very, very well - i never felt like i was being hit over the head with an explosion or an effects scene, but it always felt like just enough to be the exclamation point. Casting Success - apart from Sylar being Spock, i was really pleased with how the cast performed overall. Scotty had a few forced lines, Bones had a few forced lines, but the majority of the dialogue and even some of the 'necessary' lines to connect the characters with their predecessors were organic, naturally flowing from the circumstances. The ensemble worked well together, and i hope that they don't squabble over money and make it easy for the studio to bring them together at least once more, if not a couple more times for explosiony goodness and lens flare action.
This film is pretty much a must-see in the theatre, and if my wife loved it, then that means the sci-fi-ness and the Trekishness of the film are not distractions to the uninitiate. even though i had to tell her why a couple lines were supposed to be funny, she 'got' how the characters interacted, and that was communicated well by the filmmaker and actors. The pacing is great, the images are powerful, and the plot moves along without too many tangents. I'm sure i will own this on DVD, particularly if there is a special edition!

Terminator: Salvation
This is one of the few times that i have disagreed with the aggregate score on RottenTomatoes.com. this website takes each of the reviews available in print or on the web and either considers it a positive or negative review - then, they give each movie a score on this 'tomatometer.' for instance, Terminator: Salvation got a %, meaning that only 3 out of 10 reviewers were mostly positive of this film.
The only way i can make sense of this is that the majority of reviewers had unrealistic expectations for this film. I went to see it with very low expectations, and came away really enjoying it! For someone to dislike it as much as these reviewers must have, they probably were expecting T2 again - but alas, James Cameron is nowhere to be found.
Notice how i'm not saying that about Linda Hamilton or the Governator.
Anyways, i really had a good time with this film, viewing it under the premise of: i want explosions, a decent story, and something to think about after it's over. Terminator: Salvation delivers all of those things. Lots of sweet explosions - the use of sound and light in some of the actions scenes makes these the most unique explosions in the summer movie season. Bale does indeed play a pretty static character, as he has been criticized in the proper reviews, but i wasn't distracted by his relatively monotone portrayal of John Connor. In a post-apocalyptic world, i don't know that my own personality would have too many levels if all you saw were the hectic action sequences of my life.
Consistent with the rest of the Terminator films, however, the Connors aren't really the stars. The ubiquitous Bale has great presence onscreen here, but his intensity is matched by newcomer Sam Worthington. He really does steal the attention away from Bale, but i'm pretty sure that's by design... at least, as much design as McG is capable of.

i'll post my thoughts on Up, Transformers 2, and Public Enemies as soon as i get a chance to sit still for a while!

wordpress vs. blogger

2009-05-07T10:17:00.002-05:00

i can't decide.

but, i'm going to toss my 2cents into a collaborative blog, akin to the Rabbit Room, called The Lost Road.

not to be confused with the road less traveled.

anyways, check it out.

to tweet or not to tweet

2009-04-23T10:35:00.002-05:00

listening to NPR and 101.1 (Boortz, mostly) - i've caught up on the hot topics and buzzwords of the news media. i don't have cable or even decent reception at home to be able to watch Fox, CNN, MSNBC, or the local news, so the talk radio stuff suffices. i can't imagine how sick i'd be of some of these topics if i ALSO had the TV news stations telling me what to think...
pirates
the torture memos
Miss California's answer...
Twitter

the only one i really care to think about is the twitter-related buzz.

at The Rabbit Room, they've been talking about it... Oprah recently had an episode, Colbert had the founder of twitter on the Report, Larry King had the users racing to 1mil on his show... it's getting its 15minutes of too-much-fame.

i was anti-twitter since its inception, because it seemed like a facebook-status-clone to me, and that's overkill. i was just getting used to the evolution of AIM away messages --> facebook status. NOW, i have to re-adjust to facebook status -->twitter feed. the reason i started tweeting was because i was seeking some information about a web-business, and when i couldn't find it on their site i tried to check their tweets, but i had to log in to do this... and thus i was hooked.

there's something fascinating to me about the blurring of lines between online communities and physical communities, and that blurred place is where i'm headed. i'm not content to just have lots of facebook friends or 'followers,' i want to have real conversations with these persons as well - i want to break bread with them, and if it only happens once and we then communicate only via twitter direct messages for a few months, i'm ok with that.

as long as there is the mix happening... don't let me just engage on twitter and facebook if we live in the same community, or are worshipping together, or both love Whedondom.

i haven't forgotten...

2009-04-16T09:40:00.002-05:00

...this blog. not by a long shot.

instead, i've been kind of haunted by it. i have a stack of books and several links all describing "evangelical," and i've been slowly picking through them while also reading tons of graphic novels, a couple books on emergent church stuff, and two Newbigin books. my wife thinks i read all the time but i feel like i'm never able to read!

i've got probably the first 1/3 of my definition of 'evangelical' done, but the hard part is what's had me hung up for 3 months... i have to find a reconciliation between all the voices claiming authority over the term!

..to be continued..

why i love the Rabbit Room

2008-12-19T10:20:00.000-05:00

read this now

Rabbit Room

in defense of... pt. 3

2008-11-06T19:30:00.004-05:00

this one is going to be a tough one... because it demands, in its own way, the complementary defense as well...

in defense of... CU Divinity School.

the complementary defense would be, in defense of... being an Evangelical.

that's right... i've had enough conversations with 'conservative' and Evangelical friends that i feel like i can/need to summarize the things that i've had to repeat... and, i have enough friends who are moderate/liberal that i've had to implicitly defend my decision to align with Evangelicalism, and i'd like to summarize my statements to them also...

maybe, this post should instead be, in defense of... a third way.

any thoughts on which way i should take this?

obligatory political post

2008-11-05T21:11:00.002-05:00

as stated on Stuff Christians Like, as a believer i must now post something political.

although a small part of me is very interested in some sarcastic comments, or trying to craft some wonderfully deep and/or spiritual comment that summarizes a Christian response to what's going on...

but frankly, i'm just not in that place. rather than a pastoral post or a philosophical post...

i choose to wait.

although i am an extrovert, there are times where i'm content to play the wallflower, to sit back and observe, listen, reflect.

this is one of those times for me, so i reserve my sarcasm, my deep thoughts, and my spiritual perspectives... i choose to wait and see.

in defense of... pt.2

2008-10-16T08:17:00.003-05:00

this week -

in defense of:

Buffy

that's right, the Vampire Slayer.

i've mentioned stuff about Whedon, Buffy, and Firefly before in the course of my blogging, but i need to set the record straight on some things.

From a personal, narrative perspective: i caught some episodes of Firefly on Sci-Fi before i graduated and consequently stopped getting cable TV (too expensive). My wife and I watched the 1-season series, then watched the follow-up movie Serenity - and cried at key points of the movie. Is it an intentionally emotional movie...? not necessarily. it's an action flick with great dialogue and an engaging plot - but what led us to tears was the death of a character who we had grown to love in only 14 episodes of the show.
how did we get to this point?!
the structure of the character arcs, the flow of the plotlines, the brilliantly nuanced universe in which everything takes place - Joss Whedon had crafted a phenomenal piece of art, and we got hooked.

as one thing leads to another, i went from Whedon's Firefly to Whedon's run on 'Astonishing X-men.' now, i grew up on the old X-men cartoon show, and have read pretty much every trade paperback of X-men available at B&N or the library, and Whedon's current arc has some of the best interaction of these established, complex characters that i've ever read. i wonder what his draft of X-men the movie would have been like...

from the comics, i was drawn closer to Buffy: the Vampire Slayer. Sarah had watched the show growing up, so she remembered it fondly and recommended that we check it out. In order to disguise my true movites and maintain the facade of stubbornness, i bought it "for her" at her birthday last year. We watched season 1, and although it was a little weak, i was starting to dig the characters. I then bought her season 2 for Christmas, and thus begins our real journey. During one of Amazon's amazing sales, we bought the box set of the series, and then for the heck of it bought the box set for Angel, the "spin-off" series, as well.

over the past 8 months, we have indulged in some of the best TV ever made, through 7 seasons of Buffy and we'll be finishing the 5th season of Angel this week, most likely.

I'm not one to lavish compliments on anything or anyone, contrary to the tone of this post. I really want that to be clear, because it will give better context for the many, many compliments i will exude in the course of a conversation about Buffy and/or Whedon's work.

Certainly, the title of the show is a little silly - you can't really say "Buffy" without smirking. The sheer variety of topics, themes, directing styles, and plot arcs in this show keep one involved mentally long after the TV is turned off - and THAT is key to telling a good story. In addition to my not being very complimentary of things/people, i am also very ANTI-bandwagon. I am ANTI-trend (with a few exceptions), and thus my stubborn attitude toward Buffy for so long - it's silly, it has a girl lead character, and there's a bunch of nerds who write books and talk about this stuff, and i'm definitely not going to join their club.

Now, i find myself wanting to at least peek in the window of a club meeting. The characters and stories in the Buffy 'universe' allow for some really deep and diverse philosophical conversation, even spiritual conversation, if one is familiar with the themes and mythology. knowing Joseph Campbell's work has helped give me a great framework for understanding the Buffy story.

To close off my ranting defense of Buffy (please comment with specific questions or critiques you may have of the show/writers/etc), i have one nagging, interesting thought: Whedon is an avowed agnostic/atheist. And yet, some of his stories are more potently spiritual than things i have read/seen produced by Christian media. In a similar way to Orson Scott Card's phenomenal grasp on interpersonal/emotional relationships within a spiritual framework, yet he is a Mormon... I can't quite get my head around how/why this phenomenon occurs - someone with very different conclusions, or very different presuppositions, can produce something that moves ME spiritually, in most cases closer to Who i believe is that Author of Truth...

in defense of...

2008-10-12T10:47:00.005-05:00

i think i'm going to start a psuedo-series of posts responding to some common critiques i hear from people in my community.

the first in this series is:

in defense of...

video games.

i am frequently caught up in conversations where video games are derided for one reason or another, and usually implicitly. it seems to me that the prevailing social assumption is that video games are for kids, and kids alone, and that at some magical point in one's life a person will transcend video games and finally find pleasurable entertainment in classic novels and political conversations.
persons inevitably "grow out" of video games.

right?

this may have been true in the 80's
this may have also been true in the 90's
but we are almost in the TEENS, now, and 30 years brings generational change.

in these 30 years, we have seen many shifts - the definition of 'adolescence' has broadened, age of marriage has shifted later, child-bearing ages have shifted, and thus media and their corresponding markets are shifting.
it is valid to perceive video games as a marketing media, in the same way that popular novels, current movies, and social networking websites are marketing media.

now, does one "grow out" of novels? certainly not. ask any of the adults reading 'Twilight.'
does one grow out of popular movies? perhaps, but only for lack of money to afford 'blockbuster' summers and 'record-breaking' ticket sales. otherwise, certainly not.
does one "grow out" of social networking websites? perhaps one grows INTO them, as millions upon millions of ever-diverse age-groups indicate, but as of now one merely grows into a new site as opposed to "out" of them altogether. (ie., myspace -> facebook)

my contention is that contemporary video games and gaming systems blur the lines of entertainment media in new ways pretty much every 6 months, and thus there is a need for new language regarding this particular medium.

one of the things that motivated me to write this post is the fact that i just finished playing through a game called Mass Effect. This game contained a very intriguing and original plotline, a cast of phenomenal voice actors, and relatively engaging gameplay. i really felt like i was part of the narrative, involved in the relationships that occured therein.
NOT unlike getting caught up in the relational narrative of Lost or Grey's Anatomy.
NOT unlike watching a movie in HD at home or on the silver screen in Cary or Raleigh
it just so happens that the player is involved in the decisions of the story, and the visuals are entirely CGI instead of mostly.

this gaming experience for me was somewhere between watching a movie/reading a sci-fi novel. instead of turning pages, i was pressing a button. instead of reading alone, i was alternately watching, thinking, reading, choosing, watching, reflecting.

this game, as well as many others, seeks to tell a story, and a meaningful one at that. concepts of purpose, destiny, theology, inevitability, prejudice, and the definition of "life" are integrated into the story and action, so that if one isn't careful, they may actually learn something in the process of playing a "simple" video game.

one of the residual, negative comments about video gaming is that it is an individualized, reclusive, anti-social thing to do with one's time.
i could write a whole separate post on the validity of gaming in the realm of social networking, but i'll summarize in a few points:
- all 3 major consoles let you connect with friends in several ways: voice and video chat, text messages, gaming parties, and soon you can watch movies together in two separate locations.
- there is a marked increase in games being produced with "cooperative content" and/or multiplayer components. in fact, a game is now considered sub-par if there is not a cooperative element or online compatibility.
- for non-digital social networking, it is worth noting that the Wii serves as a very capable party-game console, and the Scene-It games for xbox360 make for great game nights with larger groups of people.

people who say "oh, he/she just sits around playing video games" are betraying their misunderstandings rooted in generational separation and lack of cultural relevance.

of course, when i get so caught up in a game that i neglect interaction with my wife, i'm at fault. one must do all things in moderation, with consideration for the family and community context. face-to-face interaction is arguably more meaningful than the digital kind of interaction.

but, it's a lot of fun to get worked up in a game of Halo3 with my wife and some of the youth from church all playing together, from our respective homes.

anonymous

2008-09-23T14:35:00.004-05:00

for those of you who have blogs or use them, you know exactly how annoying it is for someone to anonymously post a comment or otherwise seek to enter the blog-discussion without identifying themselves.

if you are a pastor, it is even more frustrating when you receive anonymous tips on how to be a better minister - it's like a perfectly passive-aggressive way to at once tell your pastor that you think he's doing a horrible job, and tell them that you care enough to have input.

i just wish they would care enough to put their name on it.

i received an anonymous piece of mail today. not e-mail, or a blog comment, but a piece of snail mail. i was very excited at first, until i opened it up and began to ponder the contents.

one single clipped piece of newspaper.

and this is what is says:
Dear Abby:
I am writing about a change I have seen in church. I accept the loud guitar music and informal settings, although I do miss the traditional hymns and formal altars.
What I cannot get used to is the forced "friendly" greeting and handshaking. I attend church to meditate and worship with my family. I do not go to shake hands with strangers and give them a greeting dictated by a pastor.
I like people. I am naturally caring, outgoing and friendly. However, I believe that a greeting or handshake should come from my own heart.
I have mentioned this to friends and family from all faiths, ages, and walks of life. None of them like this scheduled "greeting" either. Many say they head for the restroom at that time, turn their backs or just shake hands with the people they came with, come to church late to avoid it, or don't come at all. Others feel the practice is unsanitary.
I suggest that church leaders take an anyonmyous poll and ask how many in their congregations agree with me. What do you think, Abby?
MINISTER'S DAUGHTER, CAYUCOS, CALIF.

now, upon reading this, my jaw slowly started to drop... simply because of the overwhelming nature of the necessary response. for someone to come to these conclusions, there is a fundamental MISunderstanding of the worship service at any given church, and particularly at Grace Community.

what i found conspicuous was that the answer from Abby was not attached... so, i used Google and found THIS:

DEAR DAUGHTER: Thank you for asking my opinion. Here it is: Something is wrong in our fragmented society if, for one moment in a house of God, people cannot find it in their hearts to reach out and make sure that everyone feels included and welcome. And for those who fear it is unsanitary -- bring small bottles of hand sanitizer.

honestly, i don't feel like i need to say any more than this.

BUT... whoever clipped this little article MUST HAVE READ this answer, and STILL felt justified in sending the underlined article anyway! What am i missing here?

if going to a worship service is about meeting your own needs, then what are you actually worshiping?

how ironic

2008-09-11T18:28:00.003-05:00

my post originally entitled 'brief theological reflection' has turned into about a week and a half of consistent reflection on things theological and philosophical. i've been really thankful for tommy's conversation on many levels, and i'll keep updating the post below with his and my responses as soon as they happen on facebook.
check it out and comment on facebook or here! lots of meaty concepts being tossed around

if you're not my facebook friend...

2008-09-04T12:06:00.014-05:00

... then you haven't been privy to this intriguing conversation.

i'll post it here for those who frequent this space, and if you're reading this on the RSS feed to facebook, you're going to be reading something twice over...

Thomas' response to my previous blog post:
Why does the church continue to find it appealing to draw people out of their natural environments/cultures, and into its own? As if it were somehow "missional" to attract people away from the world they live - into a different, segregated community. "Come to our church and we'll show you how to sing praise songs, speak our dialect, attend small groups, feel awkward for cursing, etc."

It is apparent that there is a national culture among Christians, and more importantly there is a smaller culture among each institutionalized church. If there gospel is supposed to be inclusive (and maybe we disagree there), why doesn't the church (body of believers) look to tear down the walls of the centralized institutional church, and bring what is left to people in the community. Why have church in a pretty room with nice wreaths, big atrium, and fancy projection screens? Why take people out of their natural element and fabricate "Christian environment" for them?

This has nothing to do with your blog...I suppose.
forgot to edit..."If THE gospel is supposed to be inclusive..."

my response:

actually, i think it does have a lot to do with it. i can totally follow you, starting from where i was talking about the attender/member issue... you went to the next level of questions... to what are members really submitting? to what are the committing themselves? is it really the Church as God intends? is it really Gospel-driven?

i love kierkegaard - one reason being, he was bringing Christianity into Christendom... albeit 19th century Denmark. We (believers) clearly need to reintroduce Christ into the Christendom of 'American Christianity.'

all of your questions are necessary questions for any Church that actually reads the Bible. your questions are rooted in lots of postmodern assumptions, too, but they are nonetheless important. you're getting at the philosophical issue of Christ and Culture: is it Christ vs. Culture, Christ in Culture, Christ above Culture, Christ transforming Culture, etc... an important philosophical basis for how a church or the Church behaves...
and i think that 'American Christianity' is a capitalist subculture that has its socioeconomic roots in the advent of 'adolescence' as a life stage and the development of marketing aimed at evangelicals. 'American Christianity' is how i would label the national culture you point out... but i don't think that all churches necessarily fall squarely into the national culture, although they are surely influenced by it.
if you love Jesus, you'll love His body, though... which may be what Rob Bell is getting at in his new book...

but i've just given myself probably 3 or 4 other posts to consider unpacking...

thomas' response:
I'm not seeing an actual addressing of the posed questions...but maybe you weren't trying to.

my response:
yeah, i was more exploring the presuppositions...
but i can answer, sort of. setting the stage, my answers are for my own ministry context, and i'll attempt but surely not give a conclusive answer on behalf of the capital 'C' Church.

"why does the church... draw people out... into its own?"
that question has several assumptions supporting it, but i'm sure that part of it comes from your own experience, too. i don't think it is fair, though, to critique the process of "drawing out," given that we are told NOT to conform to the pattern of this world. We are indeed part of a New Kingdom when we are adopted as heirs with Christ, there is a very different way of doing things. and to a certain extent (i won't get into how MUCH of an extent) Christianity is intended to be counter-cultural. when the Church begins modifying culture rather than being set apart and holy in its vision and functions, something IS wrong.
so, the Church SHOULD "draw people out" of their culture into the Kingdom way of living. here's the real problem, though - when the Church does not live/teach the Gospel unless people are "drawn out" of their "environment." The Gospel must be preached IN the environment where people live and work and suffer and rejoice. the Church SHOULD be bringing the Gospel and Gospel Living to the community, without walls or borders hindering it.
BUT... the Church, the Body of Christ, should itself be clearly distinguishable from charitable nonprofits, from youth culture dominated by shady advertising and "clever" marketing.

next question to follow... this post is too long...

"why doesn't the church... tear down... centralized institutional church?"
this question has a LOT of assumptions in it as well. i'm not really sure what you mean by 'church' in the first part, versus 'church' at the end, other than your general modifiers of centralized and institutional. is this a question for denominations? Catholic, Episcopal, Baptist, etc? or, is this a question for local churches as individual units? is this a question for the more conceptual movements, such as Mainline, Evangelical, Emergent, etc?

but i think this has a lot to do with differentiating between the Gospel and the Church as used in this dialogue - the Gospel is the True Way, the Message that must be taught and preached and lived. The Church is the gathering of followers of the Way, believers in Jesus, who are living in community together. The Gospel is not the Church, and vice versa... so, Church SHOULD be bringing what is left (i think you mean Gospel) to the community. the Gospel need not be kept within the Church alone, and its subsequent subcultures.

skipping ahead, your last question is clearly rhetorical to me - for indeed, we shouldn't be fabricating a Christian subculture, we should simply be living by the standards of the Kingdom.

but your question before that, "why have wreaths, projection, etc" is hard to answer on a larger scale. I have no answer for why Central FLorida Baptist Church cut their missions budget and built a 300 ft., fully lit cross to go on their property. I have no answer for why C3 church spend X million dollars on their new facility. I can only answer for the fellowship to whom i am accountable and for whom i am responsible as a pastor.
but to answer the question, i have to appeal to scriptural authority as well as reason, and i'm not entirely sure if that's a shared authoritative source for us. i do think we agree more on the inclusivity/exclusivity of the Gospel than you might think...
crap, i'll finish in the next comment...

but here's the deal... the Gospel needs to be taught and preached in our community. for us, decorating our facility for seasonal use is attractive, and it is the fruit of the talents of several people in our community - God has gifted them, and so we want them to exercise their gifts for His glory. so, we decorate occasionally. not frequently, and not lavishly by any means, but we do want our physical space for worship to be aesthetically pleasing, and we want it to be done with the same excellence that God calls us to do all things.
why do we have a projection screen? because it is an immense teaching help. the scripture can be displayed so that even the visually impaired can read it. the sermon can be laid out in steps so that people can follow along if they are not auditory learners. the text to songs can be displayed so that people aren't frustrated by not knowing a song or having to read music or having to hold a paper. the focus is not on the screen, the screen is a tool to help focus be on the one to whom we sing. if it's distracting, then there are other ways to worship and other bodies that function differently, as God leads, that probably don't have a projector. in this specific community, it is a helpful tool.
but maybe that question was rhetorical as well, and you already have thought about all of these potential answers... hopefully it is helpful to realize that at least SOME people in pastoral positions have actually thought about these things as well.
i'm afraid of starting to get defensive, i suppose, and that wouldn't be helpful at all...
i hope that you continue to ask these questions, but not only in your own heart and mind, but in the context of a small group or even a church...

thomas' response:
Well, I certainly appreciate the fact you spent a significant amount of time on your reply. Unfortunately, this method of communication is so dry that I don't know if I have have the patience to continue on much further.

Yes, I certainly have thought about these things and potential answers to the questions. I'm sure my ideas or thoughts regarding the future of the church would offend some people.

I understand most of your attempts of explanation, defense, justification, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condemning your work or your choices to be where you are at all. My brothers in law are two of my best friends...one has been a youth/associate pastor for a small church in northern VA for several years, and the other is finishing up his M-div and struggling to find his place in "the ministry" (puke at the word). These conversations are not few and far between among us.

I suppose the short version of my overall opinion here (which will be hard to fully explain or defend) is that the modern, institutional church (meaning the Constantinian model that has been preserved in various forms for 1600 years) must be crushed.

When I mentioned being "drawn" out...I'm not talking about the church rescuing lost ones from the worldly world and into the righteousness of the Kingdom. I don't see that majestic process taking place by shifting someone's Wednesday and Sunday activities from bowling/movies to church attendance. I'm talking more about the psychological power that is entrenched in the Constantinian model. It parallels the ineffectiveness of our education system - in that everyone sits in rows or lines and faces front to watch a performance or single speaker. How can anyone expect active participation to exist in this setting? There's no need for personal thoughts or reflections, or challenges to old ways of thinking.

The church sets their doctrine (usually by a few men in a closed room) and then you can come if you agree or leave if you don't. And yes, there are small groups...but aren't the small groups just a social get together for this closed community of head nodders?

You'll have to forgive my cynical overtones.

For the church to be what it needs to be, I feel like this model must go. The role of a centralized pastor would have to as well.

Here is where all of the deacons chime in and say "Well, then you're going to have no doctrinal direction and people will just start believing any old thing they want". I'm not sure if that would happen or not, but even if that is a legitimate concern...it couldn't possibly be the biggest problem the church is facing now.

If you think about it, institutionalized religion is exactly like the public education system (this is why I have been recently fascinated by education literature). They are two institutions that seek to take masses of unique individuals, with unique strengths, interests, abilities, etc. and melt them all together in a room, under the guidance of one or a few. What happens? PASSIVE ATTENDANCE. Some people hate going to church (or school) because it's boring, but they go because it's psychologically rewarding. Others like going to church (or school) because it's boring (passive) and they would have it no other way.

It's no wonder that after all my years of education (and I assume it is this way for a lot of people), after finishing college...I hardly feel prepared for the "real world", nor am I sure of my own talents and strengths to the degree one should after all of these years. Similarly, when the congregation leaves the building on Sunday afternoon they are certainly confused and unsure about living like Christ in the world.

my response:
i agree about the dryness of typed debate, but there is also something to be said for the ability to crystallize one's thoughts into concise terms and phrases, which i think you have done pretty well in these last two comments. there are still a few assumptions that may be unfair, and a few generalizations that are certainly unfair, but then again the Church as a whole has given you reason enough to draw these conclusions in the first place.
your cynical overtones are not unwelcome, when they're unpacked a little :-) cynicism is not fun to engage when it is ill-researched, or simply an attitude and not the mindset.

again, i think that these issues boil down to: what is authoritative in structuring spiritual development - scripture, experience, tradition, community, some combination of all or none, etc.? questioning the role of a pastor/teacher in a local community of believers is questioning a pretty basic scriptural tenet for the way the Spirit gives gifts to equip and guide the Church... and that's somewhere i'm not willing to go at this point...
your comparison to public education is very insightful, and something i'll be thinking more about - i was actually going to reference the onset of public education in the early 20th century as part of the development of 'adolescence,' and the subsequent youth culture.
as far as these "institutions" functioning toward passive attendance, i agree with that critique. however, and i'm sure you've heard this before in some way, you may be throwing out the baby with the bathwater by saying the model, in its entirety, is to be thrown out. i'm very glad to say that my church doesn't function in all the ways you've critiqued, but it certainly draws upon the model you would toss. our small groups operate on a very different philosophical basis than how other churches may, with the social focus and the head-nodding.

if you do feel this comment line starting to dry up, then please throw some other thoughts in anytime a note of mine prompts it! i need to think these things through, so that i don't at any point just do things as they've always been done, but rather live and 'work' with full intention of communicating the Gospel in the way God truly desires.

thomas' response:
"questioning the role of a pastor/teacher in a local community of believers is questioning a pretty basic scriptural tenet for the way the Spirit gives gifts to equip and guide the Church... and that's somewhere i'm not willing to go at this point..."

I'm not saying that there is no purpose or role for pastors/teachers among communities. I'm not saying that, because I agree with your response that this seems to be a basic scriptural tenet. When we understand the Bible correctly, I believe we should be able to see its truth's experienced in real life. Meaning, real life experiences should always be a litmus test for truth. We are all born with gifts and abilities. Some people are simply better at expanding upon ideas, communicating in various forms, and counseling others. These are all pastoral characteristics that should be emphasized and high lighted when they are seen in people.

The Constantinian model can be removed without losing the power (and scriptural purpose) of pastoral characteristics. To illustrate my point - I would suppose that there are several people among your congregation that posses these types (and other) pastoral/teacher type traits. The flaw then, is to choose one (or a few) people who may posses these traits, pay them, and give them the full responsibility of pastoring the church. These people then take on the responsibility (often too willingly) of making doctrinal decisions or flat out answering questions for an individual that should really be discussed and explored by the individual.

My point is, the scriptural concept of a pastor or teacher is certainly the baby. The Constantinian model of centralizing a congregation around a few pastors...well, this seems to be the bath water - the foundation for a rigid, stagnant, and passive congregation.

my response:
the more that i hear (read) you unpack the definition of 'Constantinian model,' the more i am encouraged - Grace has 9 'pastors,' with more being recognized and encouraged as God leads. i now think i understand what you mean by "centralized pastor," and i would probably call it the "Southern Baptist Dictator-Pastor," which is a caricature and not necessarily particular to Southern Baptists, but part of my Christian experience. i hope that we (my current church) are modeling after the New Testament model of church communities rather than how things are typically "done." we have not (yet) succumbed to the practically fatal flaw that you point out.
but i fully agree that this flaw is existent in many, many churches in many, many communities. i almost wish you'd posted this last comment first... particularly your last paragraph. your point is well made. i say almost, though, because it's been fun for me to think through these things and type them out... i wonder if anyone else is reading these and thinking interesting thoughts :-)

thomas' response:
I enjoy the banter.

I don't know enough about the intricacies of Grace's leadership. However, I am very familiar with several churches that have 20 pastors, and another fresh slate of elders. These circumstances did not positively impact the church congregation, mainly because it was still an authoritative situation. I guess that is what I should have been more specific about before. I find giving certain authority to a pastor or group of them over the rest of the congregation will quickly create the passive environment - the environment where people are subconsciously instructed to listen for answers and assume them. Quickly, you lose interactions, doctrinal challenges, and progression.

I'm tired, and the battery's going to die. I'll have to continue later.

aaron's interjection:
David said:
"i wonder if anyone else is reading these and thinking interesting thoughts"

It's the beauty and the beast of the interweb; everyone is watching. ;)

clint's 2 cents:
I, too, have been intriguied by this discussion (albeit I just read all of it inbetween games of NCAA Football 2009; Those fireworks you hear are the excitement in my life these days.) Nonetheless, I find this discussion to be thought-provoking, and one of those thoughts is this (and my biggest thought): Let's go back to where the idea of the education system as we know it (and for the most part, followed it) was put in the spotlight: "It parallels the ineffectiveness of our education system - in that everyone sits in rows or lines and faces front to watch a performance or single speaker. How can anyone expect active participation to exist in this setting? There's no need for personal thoughts or reflections, or challenges to old ways of thinking." along with "If you think about it, institutionalized religion is exactly like the public education system (this is why I have been recently fascinated by education literature). ... Others like going to church (or school) because it's boring (passive) and they would have it no other way." What I would like to know is this: What would our education system be without this formal and structuralized setting for learning? What if all education from 1st grade on was optional, and you could learn on your own freely? 500 years from now, what would society end up as? I understand this is discussion of religion and it's structure, but I think the same questions apply to education as they would religion (as Thomas pointed out). I, for one, love pretty southern church girls, so I dont want to see that die out :)

thomas' response:
I would love to recommend some books for you if you are interested in continuing down your path of curiosity (regarding education).

I feel like I've said most of what I wanted regarding "the church" so, if I may I will diverge a bit here into education.

All sensible education alternatives are built around concepts that produce active participants, promote individual thought and responsibility, and the freedom to explore one's own educational interests. In order to feel comfortable with a model like this, you have to understand how ridiculous it is to require all five year old's to be reading and 16 year old's to being taking pre-calculus math. These are two of the many examples of curriculum standards in our educational system that are simply outlandish. There are many angles at which I can come at this topic, so I'll try and keep it brief and hopefully pique your interest enough to do some more reading on your own.

The private school in England, founded in the 1920's by A.S. Neil called "Summerhill" has served as the spark plug for intelligent educational alternatives for the past 80 years. However, these schools philosophies seem so radical compared to their modern, industrial age counterparts that they have been forced to fly below the radar. The best US counterpart to Summerhill ideas is The Sudbury Valley School in Massachusetts. Started in the 60's and has about 30-40 like schools in the country. Ok, now on to the important stuff.

These schools are built around the idea of educational freedom and democracy. Every week there is a school meeting and the children along with all staff sit and discuss the issues of the week and vote on rules and other decisions relating to the daily operations of the school. Simply put, no one is more "in charge" than another. The children are taught that they have a voice and that their opinion matters.

There is a Sudbury school in Harrisburg, PA near my hometown. I visited the school this summer and was extremely impressed. The kids at the school ranging from 5-18 all took part in hiring their own teachers the previous year. The school needed two extra faculty members and so the children and staff help open interviews where they were grilled by 8 year old's for 3 hours. It is amazing how much children actually do care about education when you allow it to be their own.

Moving on...

There is complete educational freedom at these schools. Essentially, the students decide how to spend their days. They are all required to complete a house cleaning type chore each day in order to keep the school in order, but regarding their studies - the choice remains theirs. The idea here is that when kids are allowed to choose their own paths and interests they experience an authenticity in their learning that is unmatched by the public school set up. The obvious contentions here are that the students will just play and never learn all day, or that they will go through life unable to read or do math if they never wanted to learn it. In theory this could happen, but it never does. A child's intense interest in airplanes, animals, science (or whatever) will eventually lead them to the realization that they need to read in order to get along in society. Typically it takes them a no more than 6 months to be avid readers when they decide for themselves they want to learn. The same is with math and writing.

The teachers are these schools help the children set up lessons that they want to have, and discourage attendance from those who are being disruptive or not fully engaged in the subject.

Our entire educational lives have consisted of an authoritative (often several) figures telling you what was right or wrong, good or bad, and also deciding what you needed to know and learn. All decisions were made for you, and curiosity and contention to the norm are rarely rewarded.

The system teaches you that success is A) doing as little as you can to get by B) achieving an appropriate grade rather than the real absorption of knowledge C) to cheat if necessary, just don't get caught and D) to be passively involved, not caring about anything of real substance.

It is no wonder that half of the country doesn't want to vote in elections, and more importantly the majority of the country does not care to inform themselves about the world around them and take an active role in government and policy changes. The education system we have today seeks to eliminate individuality, as well as breed masses of non-curious, non opinionated, passive on-lookers.

It is also no wonder why so many people hate their jobs, or struggle to find what they have been gifted to do.

There's so much more to say, but I'll wait for a response.

I'd encourage anyone reading to check out the following
Sudbury Valley School Experience
Summerhill

Sorry for the typos, I really need to edit before I "add comment". For anyone who is interested and prefers listening to reading, below is a link to a great radio interview. The founder of "The Circle School" (a subdury school) in PA talks with the local talk radio host.

Sorry if I've hijacked your blog, David.
www.circleschool.org

my response:
you haven't hijacked by any means - it's on facebook, a contextually public forum :-)

i have to wonder... what are the philosophical bases for this kind of approach to education? it seems inherently humanist (which isn't always a bad thing), with the idea that we will choose what is good and right for us if given freedom to do so...

and, what are the sources for structural authority and/or worldview? is there a handbook/guidebook? does the majority vote rule in the large group meetings...?

i did actually look for the book when you suggested it earlier this summer, but didn't find it in available in the public library... it's on my list to order eventually, so maybe some of the philosophical questions are answered in that resource...

thomas' response:
The philosophies are absolutely humanist in their origin. Unfortunately, most people see a disconnect between the real power of Humanist theory and the concept of original sin. To me they co-exist quite well. That would have to be another discussion for another day.

Majority rules in the meetings, and I believe most schools under this model use a pretty strict form of Robert's Rules to conduct the meetings. At Summerill specifically, each meeting would end with that weeks' organizer naming a person who would be in charge of running the next meeting. This way someone is elected to keep the meeting in order, yet there still is no presence of authority.

I'm not sure I answered all of your questions, mainly because I wasn't sure what you meant by "worldview" when you paired it with structural authority. There's not a universal book that is all encompassing and inclusive of a single educational movement.

my response:
when i say worldview, i am referring to the framework of philosophy and properly basic tautologies that govern how knowledge is acquired and interpreted. worldview also includes the language(s) of knowledge shared between teachers and learners.
in this sense, worldview is an implied structural authority, in addition to whatever written resources there may be...
so, i guess i'm just still asking what the philosophical/cultural background for this version of educational theory is... and with that, i do think that philosophical humanism has a fundamental flaw in its perspective on human nature, but there is a kind of theological humanism that functions in a different way...
but, if philosophical humanism is the basic piece of the framework, then there are bound to be problems...

thomas' response:
The philosophies should and could certainly be debated. However, I would seek to view the real results of this educational environment as to whether or not it is producing successfully. The results I've see are pretty incredible.

Essentially, the humanist argument is going to be this:

Original sin does not exist. Children are born egoists - unaware of others and unable to feel empathy or sympathy. They are selfish in nature. However, when raised in an environment of freedom and love (love being a huge factor here) they "naturally" grow into altruism.

Where I part ways with Neil (the author of Summherill) and other humanists, is with the automatic exclusion of original sin. They would be the first to say the child is born an egoist. To me, this is a essentially saying they are born selfish, and sinful. The growth process into altruism would be coined a "natural" one by the humanists. However, this only takes place in the correct environment - a mix of freedom and love. This is a unique mix that is counterculture in so many ways. It also represents a lot of the ideas that I would pose are synonymous with Jesus. The educational philosophy is one that represents the child as a unique human being with rights. The environment that Neil talks so much about is nothing more than a true Christian environment.
The modern Christian contention would probably be "Well, you need salvation through Jesus to become a Christ-like person, you can't just become one because you're allowed to make your own decisions". First of all, the child doesn't grow healthy or into altruism without a FREE and LOVING environment. The environment must be one that is built around constant approval and unconditional love. Simply put, this philosophy is a recognition that children cannot be taught how to live as a Christian. If we want our children to have an authentic spiritual life, we must let their spiritual pursuits to be completely their own. This is why I am completely against forcing children to attend church or sunday school classes when they are young. Demanding church attendance from a child is a great way to rob them of an authentic spiritual life. Instead, create an environment at home where Christ simply exists - not through words or concepts that they cannot comprehend, but through real experiences. Constant approval, unconditional love, and freedom (within the parameters of safety) is a formula for an environment that fully represents Jesus.

These are hard concepts for parents to employ. Especially Christian parents when they feel compelled to "teach" their children into "right living". Rather, it is essential that you have them experience "right living".

I always use the example of a clear childhood memory of mine. Sitting in the living room at age 6 with my father, feverishly trying to memorize the Lord's Prayer for a church class. Though it was a cute memory, it holds absolutely no spiritual significance in my life.

I'm not sure I'm presenting these ideas clearly.

Houston's interjection:

Wow, I think I'll compile these posts, call myself "the Editor", and then make a fortune selling them to Christian bookstores. Would love to discuss this over coffee sometime...

my response:
"...is nothing more than a true Christian environment."
"... are synonymous with Jesus..."

Freedom and Love are definitely the defining characteristics of the Kingdom of God that was, is, and will be wrought by the work of Jesus. however, i don't think either of those statements you made, in their context, are justifiable.
a true Christian environment is indeed defined by freedom and love, but love rooted in Christ - not the concept itself; freedom from sin as experienced through a life alive in the Holy Spirit, not freedom that is arbitrarily given by the majority... so Neil may be talking about an environment that approaches a true Christian one, but cannot be apart from the Gospel... i hope i'm making sense and not misunderstanding what you stated...
freedom and love are synonymous with the life and work of Jesus, but not Jesus himself - it's always important to distinguish concepts.

i completely agree with your assessment of the Christian home, however... raising a child to be "Christian" by seeking to drive some outward action/education INTO the child will not 'take,' it will not in any positive way affect the spiritual growth of the child. the spiritual activities and hunger for scripture must come from the heart... and this is why Kierkegaard referred to Christianity as an 'adult religion,' because the aesthete and/or child cannot grasp the truths therein... but this is starting to become tangential...
the reason i can agree with your ending assessments of a Christian home is because the assumption there is the presence of Christ, the root of true love and true freedom. that assumption is not present in this educational theory, however...

thomas' response:
"a true Christian environment is indeed defined by freedom and love, but love rooted in Christ - not the concept itself; freedom from sin as experienced through a life alive in the Holy Spirit, not freedom that is arbitrarily given by the majority"

"not the concept itself"

that phrase is the thesis for almost your entire rebuttal.

and then you do a good job of extending your logic linearly, (rather than completing a circle) when you say "so Neil may be talking about an environment that approaches a true Christian one, but cannot be apart from the Gospel."

What I want to know...is what remains of Jesus when we separate the two. What remains of the gospel? What have we omitted from our environment that must be there in order to fully represent Jesus or "the gospel".

I would immediately guess...it would have to do with the abstract concepts of the the story of Jesus. I would only say abstract because they cannot be tangibly put into action by humans. Such as; Jesus is the son of God, Jesus took the sin of the world on his shoulders so you could live eternally with God, Jesus was born of a virgin, etc. All details about the story of Jesus that are intangible. My questions arise over the significance of these details in expanding the Kingdom of God. I guess I'll leave it as an open question because I really want to hear your point of view on that. I have only partially explored mine.

I will say that I absolutely subscribe to the statement (and the implied philosophy) that "all truth is God's truth".

The church has been trying to communicate abstract concepts about Jesus to people in their attempt to "preach/spread the gospel". These concepts don't need to be paired with the existence of love and freedom - they should represent the same thing. I guess I am prematurely revealing my feelings here. I would say that these two parts are from the same source, thus they are revealing of the same God and the same Truth (capital T).

The differences remain only in the mode in which they are communicated. I would then argue that communication of Truth through experience (formed from environment) is more spiritual and more authentic than Truth communicated through words. Unfortunately, words are the only vehicle used to communicate these abstract ideas about Jesus.

I'm concerned this has been a bit convoluted...
Have I lost you yet?

my response:
i hope that clint, houston, or any others feel free to jump in...

what remains of Jesus when we separate the Gospel message from the person/work/example of Jesus? i suppose that's what demythologizers and the Jesus Seminar sought/seek... the 'historical' Jesus, and only that which can be historically substantiated...

this question of what remains isn't 'really' what you're asking, though...
i think your question is found when you say "my questions arise over the significance of these details in expanding the Kingdom of God."
that is an interesting question, one that plagues missiologists and apologists and the like... and its a deeper question as well, perhaps phrased as: "what is necessary for an indicative relationship with God? right belief, right action, saying certain words in a certain language, acting in a certain way in response to encountering Truth?"

you haven't lost me, but you jumped between at least 2 different places, so i'm still formulating a response in my head, but i have a good idea of where we are :-)

your second post was more succinct and to the point, and i want to address it alone, but i don't think that's fair to the first post...

why were you up so late?

thomas' response:
Ok. Fair enough. Take your time...I ran out of herb last night so it will probably be a few days before I'm fully ready to respond anyway. However, I did formulate an articulate metaphor that I'd like to present at some point...it might shed more light on where I'm at right now with all of this.

I was up late...uh, I'm not sure. Bryan and I were talking for a few hours and I felt stimulated enough to return the discussion.

aaron's second interjection:
perhaps i can jump start something. David and Tommy were talking about Summerhill/Sudbury Valley philosophy and how it was intimately related to philosophical humanism. David mentioned there are noticeable holes in the humanist philosophy. I have read a bit on the humanist side but I have not read any literature negating its tenets. Can someone point me to a good source that talks about the flaws of humanism? I would like to see what is out there. Thanks.

thomas' clarification:
David was differentiating between the tenets of humanism and a "true Christian environment". This is precisely where the discussion has ceased.

my response:
all Truth is God's Truth, thus anything true, lovely, admirable, excellent, is indicative of the imago Dei. however, does Truth = Gospel...?
you're saying that an environment in which Truth is experienced is comparable to hearing the Gospel preached, if not the same thing. this comes back to an issue you didn't really answer directly, which is authority. I give the scriptures significant authority in my life, and i believe that God makes it relatively clear through Paul that the Gospel is intended to be taught and spoken as WELL as lived out - they must both happen, rather than one equaling the other, they both must occur for Truth to be made fully manifest. this is why i say that Neil is approaching a True Christian environment, but until the name of Jesus (at which every knee will someday bow) is glorified, it is not in fact a True Christian environment. Truth, capital T, may be evident and existent in the environment, but that does not mean that Christ necessarily is being made evident.

i think that the only thing unfortunate about having to use words to communicate Truth is that we usually don't recognize our own contexts, and the ways that our specific context shapes our language of knowledge. my brother has shown remarkable insight into psychosocial and linguistic arguments for the use/limitations of spoken/written language, and its helped me to formulate my ideas a little bit regarding the communication of the Gospel through words/actions/etc...
the problem with exalting experience over spoken/written language is the reverse of what is occuring in stagnant churches - the spoken/written Word is exalted above the living, active Word, so the family of God simply cares for its own and fills its burial plots instead of feeding the hungry, giving to the poor, and hurting with those who suffer in the community.

on the other hand, a church that only cares for the poor in a monetary sense, only feeds the belly of the hungry, and only suffers... is not being faithful to the powerful Word of God that speaks life - that there is something more satisfying than money in a relationship with God through Christ, that there is Bread and Water that satisfy on a deeper level, that there is an end to this suffering, and it will all be made right, thanks to the work of Jesus... if these things are not spoken and taught from their biblical roots, then the experience has nothing in which to ground itself, and a person may spiritually be growing, but growing toward what? toward what should spiritual experiences lead us? on what grounds should they be evaluated?

Aaron, you've got a very key question, and i'll attempt my answer to it after lunch, hopefully... :-)

re: humanism

i have to admit, my interaction with humanism is indirect - i have seen its effects in the forms of the subsequent ideologies that find their root in humanism. theological humanism is what i've dealt with more specifically, and it's not exactly the same thing as proper classical, philosophical humanism.
so - take my answer from that context -

i find the glaring, practical hole to be that humanism holds as a basic tenet that humans are naturally good, and will naturally choose that which is good, both for the self and the community. humans can naturally achieve understanding, accomplish great things, etc. this 'ism' has its relations with rationalism, logical positivism, and other products of the Enlightenment.
the similar problem with theological and philosophical humanism is that a properly basic assumption is that humans can/will make things better. the world can become a better place if we all work harder, use reason, and help others use reason and understanding. we can all choose altruism given the proper environment... drawing from a concept stated earlier. this manifests itself in postmillenial eschatology on the one hand and darwinism on the other hand.

aaron, the sources i could point you toward have a theological bent of some kind, and i don't know that that is what you're asking for... but i'll post them if you're interested in that angle. i think the best thing is just to keep reading the progressions of thought AFTER the Enlightenment... i think that humanism is a kind of pinnacle, but it fails to answer a lot of key questions, namely ontological and teleological ones, and Modernism and Postmodernism have sought to answer those. perhaps humanism is the most practical worldview of those, and thus its longevity... but you can't ultimately be practical without an attempt at answering why we're here or what we're here for besides pleasing the self and procreating.

thomas' response:
I don't understand why humanism or humanistic ideas have to be separated from a belief that we're here for more than pleasing the self and procreating. It also sounds from the first paragraph, that you're saying the fault of humanism is that it believes we can make the world a better place and that humans "can/will make things better".

I want to know the typical Christian stance on the coexistence of original sin and the story of the New Testament. Yes, original sin is the where the Old Testament begins, but where does the story end? The story ends in redemption (or the possibility of redemption), correct?

There seems to be this anti-humanism sentiment in modern Christians because they have this innate desire to hate life and hate humanity - hate our potential to progress positively. Does this come from an unhealthy love for original sin, or from an unhealthy understanding of Jesus?

Now I suppose you're going to say that Jesus is the counter to original sin - in that, we were born sinful but through the redemptive act of Christ we can live outside of sin. Does that mean that humans can actually start doing good now? I think it does. This is why (maybe not the entire philosophy) but the major tenets of humanism are rooted in the story of the NT, and because of progressive revelation - the story of the entire Bible.

Humanism simply rejects the abstract concepts of Jesus because the philosophy realizes (without knowing it) that you can't preach Jesus, you can only live Jesus.

my response:
the fault of humanism isn't that it's hopeful, it's that it is hopeful to a fault... living out a hope that we can accomplish God's work is certainly important and even necessary, but operating from the assumption that we WILL make the world better, and humans alone being the WE, is a misplaced hope.
i don't think that original sin, or sinfulness as human nature, ends at redemption. otherwise, sanctification would not be a process but instead a moment.
i don't know about hating our potential to progress positively, but if we are saying that humanity will save the globe, i think that humanities actions speak clearly. i think that progress on an individual and community scale is one thing, but talking about world teleology is where humanism is on sketchy ground at best.

i think that people are capable of doing good even without Jesus' intervention.
if theological humanism is rooted in the NT, which i agree with, that doesn't mean that philosophical humanism is completely compatible with the scriptures - in fact, i think your last statement crystalizes that - if one can't preach Jesus, then God's words through Paul are obsolete, and that's another place i'm not willing to go.

those are just my first impressions to your statements... i probably should have thought those through a little more... oh well

thomas' response:
I guess what I'm getting at is more along these lines...

When Jesus says I am the way, the Truth and the Life and other rhetoric that makes it clear he is calling people to believe "in him"...what is he really saying? I used to believe that he was saying "I am God and here is a story about the world and how it came to be and how God created people and they screwed up, but God allowed them to screw up because evil got in there with the snake, but don't worry cause here I am and now I'm going to die a horrible death so you can now be allowed to go to heaven again...all you have to do is believe that this story I'm telling you is true and when other people ask tell them that I'm God and all of the above is true".

I would love to poll thousands of Christians - I think we would find that the majority of their responses would focus around these ideas.

I suppose my overall view of the Bible has changed considerably through learning about its origins, the context in which in was written, and coming to grips that people wrote it - not God. Obviously it is not perfect, it it was perfectly constructed by God - then we worship a God who is lousy at communicating to his own creation.

I feel like instead, Jesus was maybe saying "Look at who I am and what I've said. Look at the way I've treated people and the way I'm responding in the situations you all face on a regular basis. Look at how men typically act, and compare that to the way I am calling you to act. Look how I treat people. Become born again each day and renew your mind so that you might not accept the old ways of yesterday. Put faith in these ideas of unconditional love, freedom, acceptance and community. Reject the tattered logic of "an eye for an eye". Accepting me is accepting a philosophy - a lifestyle that will change every aspect of how you think about and treat people. Accept me everyday and know that the Kingdom of Heaven is here and now and available to you if you choose it. "

Humanists do have it wrong if they believe that people will naturally be and do good when left to themselves. This notion was clearly refuted for me while reading "Summerhill" (despite the authors humanist leanings). The book talks extensively about the importance of applying these concepts of unconditional love, approval, and freedom when dealing with people (in this case children). These are the defining elements of Christ's message - the essence of who he was.

Essentially, Summerhill reveals to me the perfect mixture of a sound understanding of psychology, the minds and mechanisms of children, and the counterculture methods of Christ. In a world believed to have a creator and a belief in the message of Jesus - it makes perfect sense that these things should fit together.

Simply put, the traditional methods of parenting and education do not work. These are the ideas birthed from a fallacy. The fallacy is not that humans are inherently egoists (sinful), but from our approach to treating our egoism - our approach to redemption. Discipline, disapproval, conditional love (as viewed from the child's eyes) are all essentially forms of judgment.

(I would argue that judgment is the first and greatest step of sin, because it seeks to acquire the role of God. It is also the first sin...a desire to see all and judge for oneself).

These methods are faulty with children and adults - however children are ripe and intensely malleable minds, heightening the importance of their environmental experiences. These faulty methods (traditionally adopted by almost all people including "Christians") are the foundation for neurosis and psychological disorders/diseases. Raising children in an environment which is supported by the message of Jesus - respect, unconditional love, awareness, freedom and choice - this produces healthy and altruistic people. Living these ideas is the only legitimate way to advance the message of Jesus as well as choose the Kingdom of Heaven.

It does not happen "naturally".

I feel like I've been repeating myself.

my response:
i've gotta run, but i have several first impression thoughts here too... hopefully tonight.
i don't think you've been repeating yourself so much as continuing to flesh out the perspective you have for me and whoever else is reading. there are a couple places that i think we have fundamental disagreement, and i want to clarify those soon...
you begin with a sort of evangelical caricature... it's clear to me that your experience with American, Protestant, Evangelical Christianity has been less than wonderful.

you move into your ideas about the scripture, and this is, as i surmised, a place where we diverge. i have been studying the origins, contexts, and uses/misuses of the scriptures for almost 10 years as a religion major and div. student, reading sources from Ehrman to Grudem, in a context largely moderate/liberal. i don't come to the same conclusion you do, though, with regard to ascribing authority to the scripture.
from my experience, it is not unwarranted to hold as a faith statement that God has given us the scriptures in the form they are intentionally.
In the spirit of Van Til, let's get some presuppositions out in the open: You presuppose that, since God used man, there is a fundamental flaw in the Bible, and that this flaw must necessitate that God is no longer involved - the scriptures are not "perfect." Depending on what you expect a "perfect" Bible to look like...
and, you presuppose that our reason is sufficient for understanding how God would choose to communicate, because certainly it is not OUR fault for misunderstanding or being confused...
this is a sort of humanist paradox - although we humans are capable of supreme reasoning, we are not capable of being used to communicate on behalf of the divine...
analytic philosopher Alvin Plantinga makes a case for Christian belief as properly basic, and rationally warranted. N.T. Wright, in his powerful testament to the historicity of the resurrection, deals with the importance of scriptural authority. i'll let those men and people like them do the more articulate defense of the holistic, intentional preservation of scripture.
all of this to bring me back to: don't assume your conclusions about scripture are necessarily the only conclusion after learning scriptural origins, transmission, contexts, etc.
i would contend that we are lousy listeners as opposed to God being a lousy communicator.

next, the words you attribute to Jesus are approaching a divergence for us... i agree with your statements, i agree that Jesus was communicating on that level. But, i don't think that's all of it. I think that Jesus was and is also saying that we must recognize our sin, we must repent, and we must trust God to make all things right.
the words you use to describe Jesus' teaching could also be, without much effort, put into the mouth of Gandhi or the Hare Krishna. Actually, it sounds a LOT like Hare Krishna, when you say "put faith in... love, freedom, acceptance, community." but, perhaps that is part of your point, that the life and work of Jesus is not unique, but rather reflected in other religions and cultural values. and that is perhaps where we would diverge again - i believe that Jesus was/is uniquely the Son of God.

i'll get to your second post in a bit...

basically, i need to read summerhill. this seems to be a place where we converge, because i do agree that the essence of how Christ lived was through unconditional love, freedom, and approval.

i also agree with your assessment of judgment, and i would add that 'pride' is the context for judgment, and thus the two are potentially the roots of all sinful attitudes and actions.

i would only add one caveat to your statement that "living these ideas is the only legitimate way to advance..." i don't think that it is the only legitimate way, and that stating it that way is too conclusive - you're presupposing that there is absolutely no power/meaning/communicativ

e ability in the spoken/written word. that would make this facebook notefest pretty pointless, and i would have to disagree with that.
i suppose it depends on what you mean by "legitimate," but it seems to me that written/spoken communication is very valuable and even necessary, since we cannot only communicate in community through eye contact and smiles, we have to have a shared language and some common concepts to shape that language, and i think in your fervor to re-evaluate the concepts being communicated in Christian spirituality, you may be reacting to your experiences just a bit too far by saying that "only" living is legitimate communication.

thomas' response:
Ah. Well your reply is thorough. However, I feel like you've made several assumptions of your own (regarding my positions) in your attempt to dissect the argument. No guarantees on when I can fully respond - the next two days could pose potential problems.

I think eventually though - even after we hash out some more details, we may still be in ultimate disagreement about a few important things.

And yes, reading Summerhill would certainly help the discussion. I think you will be refreshed and excited by Neill's writings, especially concerning criminality and other stances on adult behavior - just as much as the child psychology.

thomas' continued response:
Ok...I'm now 22...I'm in a coffee shop as I type this...drinking some dark Appalachian special brew. There are stickers on my laptop - so I'm in full hipster, PO-MO, emergent, indie rock, slip on vans mode.

--it's clear to me that your experience with American, Protestant, Evangelical Christianity has been less than wonderful.--

My personal experiences with American, Protestant, Evangelical Christianity have been a mixed bag. Nothing from the institutionalized religion itself have contributed positively to who I am today. However, relationships that began (and for a portion of time) existed in that environment, have. These relationships would have thrived with or without the institution being a part of them.

Most of my disdain for the aforementioned has mostly been cultivated through direct observations of things around me (in these environments) and the experiences of others. I think it is also a little cheap (no offense) to dismiss my words as a caricature...assuming by that you were intending to communicate that they are exaggerated and overstated truths. I think my caricature accurately describes the minimalist ideas that propagate the vast majority of modern Protestants in America.

Your next section is certainly warranted. I am certainly not closing the door to the way I view the bible and its writings. However, I think it is safe to say there is a debate that has existed and remains over the intricacies of the texts; their origins, authenticity, etc. I also do not claim that God cannot and has not (even to write the bible) used man to communicate. This may traditionally be the humanist paradox, but I don’t see an issue with it. I’m seeking to reconcile the fundamentals of humanism and Christianity, because I see a congruity among the Truths that both seek (or claim to) advance.

--But, I don't think that's all of it. I think that Jesus was and is also saying that we must recognize our sin, we must repent, and we must trust God to make all things right.—

Ahhhh, yes…this is the line that was inevitably coming and continues to frustrate the hell out of me. Usually, a discussion with my parents is halted by my mother using a similar statement. To save a lot of time – I’ll just say what the issue is that I have with this…

I’m not saying I disagree with what you are probably saying. However, it is the “christianese” rhetoric that you’re using that drives me nuts. I literally have no idea what you’re actually saying when you say “We must recognize our sin, we must repent, and we must trust God to make things right”. I mean, I might have some idea – but only from my personal experiences that I could potentially identify with the rhetoric.

There must be actual, viewable actions that take place or represent the abstract actions of “recognizing our sin, repenting, and trusting God to make things right”. The fact is, these are words that describe the most personal aspects of your spirituality. It seems that for so long, the church has been trying to turn this unique aspect of Christianity into some type of 10 step AA processes. Unless of course, you can give me a legitimate representation of how “recognizing our sin, repenting, and trusting in God to make things right”, actually should look for everyone.

You cease to use the most effective and genuine form of communication when you reduce Christianity/ministry/spre

ading the gospel to this types of abstract statements. Couldn’t our lives be a living breathing example of what it means to “recognize our sins, repent, and trust in God to make things right” so much that we wouldn’t be so dependent on selling this process to people through empty words?

Lastly, isn’t it possible for Jesus to be the Son of God and also have legitimate representations of his truths echoed by other religions/philosophies/lea

ders who were unable to accept the label of “Jesus, Son of God”, because of a tainted view or perverse representations of him?

I don’t know how you feel about salvation and how all of that works, but I would suppose that would be important to this discussion. From my interest in Psychology, I’ve been unable to retain the position that salvation is contingent upon a verbal recognition of Jesus, or some sort of earthly conversion experience. If this were true – all significance of Christianity would be completely undermined. Basically, what I’m saying is that if Gandhi isn’t in the proverbial “heaven”, then I don’t want to go there either.

Yes, you should read summerhill and we should discuss. If you do, be aware that the author has great disdain for the religion (emphasis on that word) of Christianity. I’m you’re intelligent enough to retain the essence and truth of what the book is saying, regardless of this slant.

As far as the written word stuff…

I would not say that written words or words in general are not important for advancing ideas and implementing change. Words (spoken and written) have to be the catalyst for these things – not the essence of them. It is words that must be used to spark, guide, and record experience. Where words lose their power is when they aren’t being used fuel experience. I hope I’m not being too vague. Tell me “Jesus loves you” is using words alone. Telling me “Jesus loves you” and then demonstrating love to me (through various methods of meeting needs, etc.) is using words as a catalyst. This is also very important considering the bulk of my response regarding Christian rhetoric. Alone, it’s useless. So maybe, we must be more concerned with the experience until we get that down.

my response:
i don’t intend to dismiss anything you’ve said or will say, so i apologize for my caricature comment if it seemed dismissive. for me, it’s just a way to give a handle to the kind of tone/perspective you have toward this people group/belief set. i don’t know that your statements are necessarily overstated or exaggerated, but to extend your own experience to necessarily describe the whole environment might be an overstatement.
i agree, though, that the caricature is accurate more often than not...
i’m not sure how you saw the troublesome line coming, but you were pretty clear in explaining your frustration. again, though, i apologize - i was not intending to compound your existing frustration with the terms, nor was i intending to fit into a “christianese” use of the words. off the top, here’s the thing about words and language: we have to have some shared definitions to communicate clearly. although we’ve largely been in the process of clarifying or redefining some things in this conversation, i didn’t take the time to redefine those particular concepts because i assumed that we have a shared understanding of what they mean on more than a surface level. i can’t speak for your mom, i can’t speak for any of the readers of this note, but i feel confident in saying, “come on, you know what i mean.”
but then you say that, on the one hand, you agree with what you may possibly assume i mean, but you really have no idea what i mean, but you might have some idea after all. to be fair, that’s a bit hard to follow.
if i must, i will clarify:
recognize our sin: in psychological or social terms, i mean that we need to seek to develop and live out of a self-awareness that is as honest and objective as the subjective can be. we should pursue a self-understanding, and Jesus provides the perfect mirror in which to begin the self-discovery. we must be willing to admit our own natural tendencies toward judgment, pride, and selfishness. when we can recognize our “sin” in this way, we then put ourselves in a place to do something about it.
repent: in other words, the “doing something” about it. to repent means to intentionally turn away from the things that represent pride, judgment, selfishness, etc. instead, those who follow Jesus turn toward the ways that we can stand with the broken, feed the hungry, heal the sick, and love our neighbor. (of course, i recognize also that sometimes professing Christians don’t look anything like this)
trust God to make all things right: place our hope in Jesus and in God’s work in, through, and because of Him, rather than placing our hope in our efforts alone, or in the American government, or the world economy, or any of our Western comforts. we must instead move our perspective towards the only hope than can truly heal the world, and that is the Kingdom of God, which is already here (through us) but not yet here, as well.
now, you may have an issue with something in the definition for those three things, but i’m willing to assume that you would agree with most of it if not all, and if YOU were to use those “christianese” words in a conversation with me, we would be capable of having a coherent conversation because of our shared definitions and ideas.
it seems to me, though, that you’re much more comfortable (and understandably so) in the realm of things that can’t be said, because you almost retreat there when the rhetoric gets to thick - because your experience has been a mixed bag, you cannot existentially make a faith statement that has not been empirically demonstrated. so, the mixed bag has fostered yet another paradox :-)
i’m not so much ‘reducing’ Christianity to those statements as i am using an abstract statement to refer to deeper, transformational truths. i really don’t know another way to verbally refer to transformational truth than through an abstract statement or concept, so i’d be interested to hear your alternative for the written/verbal communication of transcendent, transformational, or otherwise abstract (for a lack of a better word) concepts.
all that to say, you’re RIGHT - our lives SHOULD BE a living, breathing example. those abstract statements should be communicated in such a way that the community is indeed transformed by them through living them, rather than reciting and catechizing them alone. that is what makes the words empty, and i’m sorry if, by inferring from your rhetoric, my words have been empty as well. towards the end, you mention again that words are the catalyst for and/or the recording means for experience. i’m not sure that this would be a working way to talk about all language communication, but i think it is a very good and helpful definition of Christianity - the scriptures, sermons, and bible studies that permeate our Christian subculture should be the catalysts for change, and should be the testimony of what has happened, instead of merely rhetoric.
yes, it is very possible for God’s Truth to be evident in other worldviews, philosophies, and teachings.
my views on God’s salvific activity have been largely influenced by Calvin, Barth, and Newbigin. ‘The Gospel in a Pluralist Society’ in particular was a helpful book in finding ways to articulate abstract concepts such as God’s salvation of humanity.
From a biblical, as well as psychological, position, it is difficult to maintain that salvation is contingent on verbal recognition. and, i think that when most theologically educated church leaders are pressed on this, there is a gray area that is explored. it is more a fault of the unspoken aura that “we (must) have ALL the answers” that theology like what you mentioned is perpetuated.

thomas' response:
At first glance, it doesn't look like there's a whole lot to respond to. Maybe that's because we've simply reached a dead end - or maybe you're hoping to wrap this up soon. I would like to respond to ...

...it seems to me, though, that you’re much more comfortable (and understandably so) in the realm of things that can’t be said, because you almost retreat there when the rhetoric gets to thick - because your experience has been a mixed bag, you cannot existentially make a faith statement that has not been empirically demonstrated. so, the mixed bag has fostered yet another paradox :-)

I will be thinking about this today and will hopefully write tonight.

--I agree, though, that the caricature is accurate more often than not...—

Ok, well then we are in agreement on the essence of what I was getting at on this issue.

Next part…

I should have been clearer and replied to this from one perspective only. In saying, “I have no idea what you mean by this rhetoric”. I am partly speaking about me personally, but mostly I am saying that your words represent a communication break-down – a breakdown which takes place within church communities (it also takes place when Christians try and communicate with “non-believers”). Essentially, I am saying that “recognize our sins, repent, and trust in God to make things right”, needs to be defined. However, I don’t think it should be defined and left alone. The essence of our community interaction should be thriving discussions and representative actions which continually define this rhetoric.

---recognize our sin: in psychological or social terms, i mean that we need to seek to develop and live out of a self-awareness that is as honest and objective as the subjective can be. we should pursue a self-understanding, and Jesus provides the perfect mirror in which to begin the self-discovery. we must be willing to admit our own natural tendencies toward judgment, pride, and selfishness. when we can recognize our “sin” in this way, we then put ourselves in a place to do something about it.
repent: in other words, the “doing something” about it. to repent means to intentionally turn away from the things that represent pride, judgment, selfishness, etc. instead, those who follow Jesus turn toward the ways that we can stand with the broken, feed the hungry, heal the sick, and love our neighbor.---

(your third part could be inserted here as well. I agree with it, though I feel the language is a tad over saturated).

Now, I can see that we understood each other, because I agree with your definitions. Though, it is interesting to me you use the preface “in psychological and social terms”. Aren’t these terms much more “down to earth” (for lack of a better term) than the alternative? I also wonder why these types of statements are not made in describing a church’s doctrine/theological principles. Usually, the language is much more like your original statement. This seems vitally important to me on a cultural/missional/communicational level. One of my points (I guess you could call it that) is that this type of realistic communication is underutilized. I think it’s easier to fall back on statements like “trust God” (amen!) “less of me, more of Jesus” (amen!) than it is to actually discuss and act out what the hell it means to “trust God”.

I think most churches would be viewed as “too secular” or wouldn’t even attempt to publicly announce their beliefs in the terms you used

---it seems to me, though, that you’re much more comfortable (and understandably so) in the realm of things that can’t be said, because you almost retreat there when the rhetoric gets to thick - because your experience has been a mixed bag, you cannot existentially make a faith statement that has not been empirically demonstrated. so, the mixed bag has fostered yet another paradox :-)---

I may be ignorant of the significance of this observation – but my only response would be this…

For the past four or five years I’ve been amidst a period of intense spiritual growth/change. The process begun and continues to be guided by a desire for authenticity. I want to believe what is real to me. If I have a belief I cannot explain, I want to test it and determine its authenticity. This does not discount areas of “faith” or the supernatural. I think even matter of faith are grounded in reason – a reason or feeling that causes one to project their mind in a certain direction. Experiences are absolutely the vehicle for authenticity – and rightfully so. I’m not justifying overgeneralizations of people because of stereotypes or one-time encounters. I simply mean that I cannot believe statements about God, people, the natural world, etc. that I haven’t personally validated in some way.

To me, this process embodies the “born again” concept in its truest form. How pathetically have the evangelicals hijacked that great conversation?

If this hasn’t given you enough for a response – I would still love to hear your views on salvation…without having to read all the recommended books :)

my response:
finally, i have a few moments with nothing else pressing...

i was pretty sure that you weren't speaking entirely on your own when you said "i have no idea what you mean" as i used those terms, but i didn't want to assume. and, you are right that there is an unfortunate and unnecessary dichotomy that exists between the terms as defined on paper and as defined by the lives of 'believers.' i can't argue with this necessarily scathing critique of any who confess to follow the Way of Jesus.

with regard to the definitions in terms of psychological/social versus "spiritual," i think that you raise an interesting but ultimately overwhelming quandary. if you were to talk with theologically educated persons in ministry, these terms of reference aren't too hard to encounter. if you were to probe the educational processes of at least some seminaries, there are classes that teach ministry tools solely using these frames of reference.

however, if you were to go to a church's website and click on their "doctrinal statement," are you really looking for the psychosocial benefit of church involvement or the spiritual benefit of church community involvement...? and when i say "you" i am speaking of those "outside" the church, whether seeking or not. in most cases, and i'd assume the vast majority of cases, when someone is looking for a church's understanding of itself and Christian spirituality, they are looking for spiritual terms.

now, you may argue, why can't psychological and social terms be considered spiritual? theoretically, that's a fair argument, but you can't reasonably hope to change the usage of language by the general American populace without an overhaul in the education system, mass media, parenting, etc... which may be what you are advocating after all...

of course, "spiritual" needs to be defined in order for me to properly continue using it in this part of the discussion, and i'm a bit weary at the moment having just been on the phone dealing with some church-related stuff. but, i recognize the need and can come back to it if you think it's worth it...

i'm not sure that scientific terms are necessarily more "realistic" or "down-to-earth," depending on your context. for someone who is less well-read or not college-educated, how practical are empirical or even psychological terms when describing community living and redemptive life through Christ... and there i go using "spiritual" terms again, falling back on the authoritative definitions from the scripture... hmm.

i think it is the fundamentalists who hijacked that conversation, not the evangelicals as they are defined in academia. but, that is an interesting perspective on being "born again"

philosophically, there seems to be something missing from that perspective, though... you "cannot" believe something unless it is experienced first-hand... so you "cannot" believe in a literal resurrection of Jesus unless you have seen Him? or is there another experience that could reasonably substitute for putting your own hand on the resurrected body...? this seems to be a pretty important issue in Christian spirituality, and we have hit on scriptural authority so why not bring this one up? :-)

brief theological reflection

2008-08-30T09:52:00.002-05:00

it's hard to reflect on theology in the hours before CU's first football game in 50+ years, but i'm gonna give it a shot as i support local coffee...

back in the beginning of August, a church attender sent a message to our Elders that questioned some doctrine, and posited some frankly foolish alternatives.

there are several things to comment on in that one sentence:
'beginning of August' - a lot has happened since then, so i'm not in the same place i was emotionally or spiritually, for the better... and thus, i am not as inclined to blog about this particular issue
'church attender' - this is an unfortunate phrase. a follower of Christ should be willing to submit to membership in a local congregation; they should be willing to commit to the work of the Kingdom in a local community; they should be willing to give of their time, talents, energy, and finances along with a body of believers; they should be willing to seek the accountability of close relationships. It is unfortunate that we have so many 'attenders' who are not 'members' or 'owners' (as V21 puts it). Biblically, i'm not sure how you can support church hopping, or prolonged church visiting, or the transient nature of this particular church attender. their spiritual life would certainly be more fulfilling if they were INVOLVED in the church in some level, instead of only receiving, and subsequently critiquing, the ministries of the church.
granted, you can't really biblically make a case for the word 'member' or 'owner,' but the concepts that i outlined by which we define 'member' are clearly biblical.
'questioned some doctrine' - in this case, it was actually a little more harsh than that, but that's all i'm going to say about it. i'm pretty pleased with Grace's constitution and doctrinal statements, so if someone has a question they should read up on those documents before feeling the need to address a doctrinal issue directly. in most cases, those well-prepared documents will answer the questions or point to the biblical source, and if we agree on the authority of scripture, it will then speak for itself, through God's Spirit.
'and posited... alternatives.' - here's where the trouble really began... even before/in spite of the 'attender' issue, and deeper than the questions, there is an hermeneutical and interpretive difference that exists between this person's understanding of how scriptural doctrine is to be articulated, and how orthodox evanglicals (how's that for an oxymoron) articulate doctrine. the most unfortunate thing is that this person took a legalist perspective in that they were expecting their articulation to be necessarily the best and only way to teach the gospel.
Paul, thankfully, spends a lot of time in the epistles dealing with false teachers - the EASIEST way for our enemy to gain ground is by getting believers to tweak a doctrine here, or say something differently there, so that the Gospel of Jesus becomes distorted in some way or another. Paul realized this, and as led by God dealt with a lot of this in his letters to the churches then. The principles Paul lays out are still very valid and important, and are helpful in discerning a false gospel when it arises.
However... when we proof-text Paul's or Jesus' words by removing them from their context and applying them directly and only to a situation that suits our ends, we're abusing the scriptures. We must be careful to always consider the scriptures carefully and holisticly, aware of the fullness of truth therein.

i have a feeling that the pastoral life doesn't get any easier than it is right now... and it ain't easy.

re: politics

2008-08-27T15:09:00.003-05:00

i never really got back around to dealing with some of the questions raised in the comments on my post a few weeks ago, but i haven't forgotten about those questions.

i just got Relevant mag's new issue int he mail, and the headline is "How to Vote without Losing Your Soul," which sounds like a potential resource for answering some of the questions, and i'll be going through Shane Claiborne's Jesus for President with my home fellowship this coming semester, and i hope that it also gives me some concepts i can articulate with regard to Jesus, politics, America, and the interaction therein...

and speaking of Claiborne... i'll get to that post soon

summer's movies, part deux

2008-08-20T13:35:00.008-05:00

a nerd examines the movies released (or viewed by me and my wife) in the second half of the summer:

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army -
I have been involved in a commenting feast over on The Rabbit Room, particularly regarding this post on Hellboy. and, i must say, i had never imagined a blog that would talk about great music, Buechner, and Hellboy in the course of a week... but i digress...
Being a reader of, and subsequent fan of, Mignola's Hellboy, i already came to this movie knowing the characters, knowing their kinds of interaction, and also knowing how touted Del Toro's imagination is among friends and fellow moviegoers.
From that context, i have to say that this is one of my favorite movies of the summer, and i'm very excited about the DVD and any special features it may have. Mignola has placed Hellboy in Del Toro's capable hands, and the imaginative monsters and creatures that Del Toro has fashioned fit snugly into the existing Hellboy canon. the dialogue is well-written (which may sound like a silly thing to comment on, but wait until you keep reading...), the effects shots are integrated well, and overall this movie has a great pace and fun mood to it. I imagine that every comic book sequel will exceed its predecessor as long as the first movie MUST tell the origin story... once that's out of the way, the director and cast can really tell the story they want to.
If you've seen Hellboy or read any of the work, you should check out this film. it's definitely a theatre movie, too, unless you have a 'home theatre' you should check it out on a big screen.

The Dark Knight -
i have no creative way of saying that this was absolutely the best movie of the summer. i cannot hype the movie anymore than it has already been hyped. i cannot laud enough posthumous praises on the late Ledger's role. i can't even hold it against Bale for yelling at his mom and sister in London, since he handled Bruce so well.
I'm not quick to praise Batman Begins... i had many qualms with the movie and how it abused otherwise great characters and how Nolan created Dawes ex nihilo... but i'll be slapped if Nolan didn't redeem the Dawes character's worthlessness by having her serve as such a crucial pivot in almost all the relationships in this movie.
SPOILER ALERT
if you haven't seen this movie yet, you need to borrow 1.50 and see it as SOON as it is in the Blue Ridge Theatre (Iron Man is already there, btw). I regret the fact that Dent is killed at the end of the movie... but i'm so HAPPY that i feel regret! After Batman Begins, i was hesitant that i would feel anything regarding the Batman characters in Nolan's universe, but he crafted a wonderful version of Two-Face and i really wanted to see more of him. But alas, that may not happen... 'may' not...
SPOILER OVER
My friend and ex-roomie Matt has had a great philosophical interaction with another friend of his on facebook, and it prompted me to really examine the fact that there are a LOT of worldview and relational philosophy issues under the surface of TDK. that makes me happy - i like when a movie has more to unwrap, so that when i see it for the 5th time on DVD, i can continue to see/learn new things. my friend Adam English, professor of philosophy at CU, has written a great article about the movie here, and if you've got time you should definitely read it.
go watch Batman Begins (and don't judge its bad pace or misuses of characters), then GO WATCH THIS MOVIE.
AGAIN, if you have already seen it :-)

Wall-E -
Credit goes to my wifey for getting me to see this movie in the theatre. i was going to wait until the 1.50 for this one, but again my friends in the Rabbit Room reflected on the greatness that is Pixar movies and Wall-E specifically. after reading their thoughts and the comments there, i was a little more susceptible to my wife's prompting. finally, as a way to show her i love her and value the things she values, we went to see Wall-E in the big theatre.
i don't think that i'll go see a chick-flick in the theatre ever, or at least until i've been married for a long time and she's worn down my resolve. or they beam movies straight into your brain while you sit in a large room with other people, and i can't make it stop.
anyways, Wall-E is beautiful. it's another opportunity for Pixar to blur the lines between real and created-from-scratch cinematic beauty - there are a few times where you can almost forget that you're watching something "animated." the pace is great... very laid back, and even when things get hectic and there's a lot of quick, small movements on-screen, you're not forced to the edge of your seat - you're still invited to sit back and soak in all that's happening.
which is ironic, given that part of the appropriate satire in the film is aimed squarely at consuming, lazy, Americans sitting back and relaxing.
Sarah loved the movie, i really enjoyed it, and it's worth seeing on the big screen - so catch it soon if you haven't already, and it could actually make a decent date movie! and so far, Pixar hasn't screwed up a theatrical release...

The X-Files: I Want to Believe -
this movie got shafted critically (i'm a fan of RottenTomatoes and their scale of determining freshness or rottenness), but that did not deter me. I love Mulder and Scully, and part of my formative teenage years were spent watching them not-kiss and avoid the black oil while almost-solving lots of imaginative cases. so what if the last season was crap - the X-Files series will stand the test of time as one of television's best.
the X-Files movies, however... not so much. i watched 'Fight the Future' with my wife the night before we went to see this one, and i was disappointed with how MUCH i needed to explain to her as the movie went along. and how little was resolved, and basically how weakly that movie stood on its own.
I Want to Believe falls into a similar trap - theres a lot of background needed to really get into the movie and its characters, there's very little resolved, and it doesn't really stand on its own. this is a movie for X-Files fans, and that's about it. box office numbers should relfect that.
all that said, i actually enjoyed this one. my wife didn't. but back to me - i loved seeing Duchovny and Anderson together again. it was satisfying to see them interact, and to see them working through aspects of the case in this movie. the faith/doubt, science/paranormal paradoces are alive and well in this film, and the film feels like a longer episode of the show - one of the episodes that stood alone without delving into black oil and alien abductions (which were often the better episodes).
this is probably a DVD movie, though, since none of the scenes really take advantage of being in a theatre setting. and, i still don't know why it was released in the summer, since the majority of the movie takes place in snowy locales.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
i'm not really sure what happened here. the scripts for the previous two Mummy movies (i refuse to count Scorpion King as one) were tongue-in-cheek B-movies. the special effects were appropriately creepy, visceral, and well-done. the dialogue was snappy and sarcastic, and Fraser does that well. Weiss had a great transformation from the first movie to the second, and her character had actual chemistry with Fraser's character.
but seriously, what happened?
I loved those movies so much that i went and bought two DVDs that came with "free" tickets to this movie... and i bought them at the beginning of the summer, before the reviews started to roll in regarding this Mummy. and slowly but surely, reviews did indeed roll in - and 9 out of 10 were negative. not to be deterred, i vowed to still use my free tickets. my brother saw the film and gave me at least 1 positive comment, so i still almost felt justified in wasting my gas money driving up to see this Mummy...
and throughout the entire film, i was haunted by the question: "what happened?"
The dialogue was absolutely horrible. i mean literal trash - i am shocked that this version of the script evaded the garbage can or at least the recycle bin of someone's desktop. Maria Bello, except for her voice-over in the beginning where she eerily sounds like Weiss, looked completely out of place in this film, and there was 0% chemistry with Fraser.
here's what's so weird - i liked the premise of the film, and the villian, better than the premise and villian of the new Indy movie! the terra cotta warriors were a nice touch, although everyone was very vocal about how they are not technically mummies. in fact, the movie was aware of this fact, and there were several overt attempts to convince the viewer that these were actually some sort of mummy in the form of really crappy one-liners from the main characters - "i hate mummies," in reference to the terra cotta warriors.
The design of the villian, the Dragon Emperor, was really clever. i enjoyed every scene that the Emperor was in, because of how visually interesting his character was. if Indy had had to battle this guy instead of ambiguous aliens and commies, Indy would have been a better movie.
basically, there are only about 15 minutes of film that make this movie worth viewing in the theatre. maybe less than that. it's a DVD view for people who really liked the Mummy series, but i even hesitate to recommend this for a rental. the dialogue and plot pacing are THAT bad.
what happened?

Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Lucas is a money whore.
there is really no other way to look at it. i mean, George Lucas said that he would NEVER, EVER, EVER release the original, theatrical editions of the Star Wars trilogy on DVD. he hated them, and disavowed their flawed yet beautiful existence. Then... last september... JUST KIDDING! Here ya go, all you nerds (like me) who want to see Han shoot first, hear the original Jabba's Palace song, and NOT see Hayden "i was terribly mis-cast" Christensen at the end of RotJ. there was NO reason for Lucas to go back on his vows, except that he realized he could make some more money on morons like me who love Star Wars.
and here comes The Clone Wars TV show on Cartoon Network.
The animated shorts by Tartakovsky on which this new CGI series is based are amazing. they are a breath of fresh air into a rather stale Star Wars universe post-Episode I, II, III...
but it seems that Lucas' desire to beat a practically dead horse, or milk the proverbial cow dry, has wrought this new, CGI movie and series that has capable voice actors but only cameos from Jackson, Lee, and the ubiquitous Anthony Daniels. Actually, i think that Daniels needs some credit for being available for EVERY incarnation of C3PO that i can think of...
This movie can't stand on its own... if you are not already a Star Wars fan, there's basically no reason to see this in the theatres. it did have some great action sequences, and some stunning visuals, but the dialogue was largely forced, the digital acting was weak, and there really isn't any new ground covered except to give Anakin a precedent for an 'apprentice,' so there is some more interconnectedness for the new console game The Force Unleased, in which Vader has another apprentice... ironically, this whole movie felt kinda like a video game, but not one that i would play.

my brother tells me i should see Tropic Thunder... so i'll add to this post if i do indeed make it out to that one soon!

adventures in CA

2008-08-19T09:39:00.003-05:00

this post has been in various stages of posting for about 2 weeks now -
at TVR Christian Camp, where i was with the Youth group for a week, it was all typed out and then my stupid macbook battery died and i lost what had been saved. then, i typed it out AGAIN, and instead of it saving automatically like blogger prefers to do, it DIDN'T save because of some strange internet problem, and when i pressed "post" it lost everything.
Lovely.

so, i have to admit that this version of the 'adventures in CA' will be abbreviated, because frankly i'm tired of typing out these stories. so, if something sounds interesting, ask me about it and i'll elaborate. i'm more eager to get to other posts floating in my brain...

SO...
my wife and i traveled to the OC to visit my dad and his family in good ol' Cali.
my dad left my mom when i was 18, and when i was 21 he moved to CA with his new wife. through my stepmom, dad has a son and daughter-in-law and a daughter, as well as 2 grandkids. over the last 9 years, my relationship with dad has been back and forth, up and down, rife with strife and passive aggressive, and over the last 3 years it has settled into a more functional place. my dad's choices have been poor in several key places, but he chooses to continue in a loving relationship with me and my brother despite the distance and difficulties, and that is a decision i can respect. it has been almost 3 years since i've been to CA to visit him, and since he came here last year for my wedding, i figured it would be appropriate for my wife and me to visit him in CA this year. then, he can visit next year when Sarah graduates, and we can go out there the next year, etc... this year, he was able to pay for our plane tickets, making this a great anniversary gift to us. hopefully, we'll be able to host them when the come for graduation, and maybe even be in a place financially to pay for our own tickets in two years... if there is gasoline still available for airplanes at that point in world events.
we spent 6 days there, but really only 4 because two were on a plane. i have to fight the urge to make the vacation sound longer than it was, because those plane days don't count, and of course they're not exciting. the only notable thing about the flights was that we got to fly home in 1st Class.
now THAT was exciting.
we got the posh treatment for once in our lives, and i have to admit it was nice. free headphones, dinner, large leather seats, no baggage fees (if you haven't flown recently, BEWARE the baggage fees), and this particular plane had screens in each seat. Sarah annoyed the guy in front of her by playing some game where you had to tap on the screen like crazy... she didn't realize that the incessant tapping transferred through the seat into the person sitting there. she just got really excited about the fishy game on her own private screen...

in CA, we were able to do several out-of-the-ordinary things:

eat @ In-N-Out Burgers - you MUST do this if you visit Southern California. the best fast-food hamburger i have ever eaten.

Knott's Berry Farm - the grandfather of all theme parks, literally. Knott's was the first in America, and they still have a great thing going. Some of the rides are trendsetters, so Knott's has always tried to be the innovator. this is where Disney got his inspiration...

the OC fair - i had an authentic Churro, Sarah ate a ginormous Italian Sausage, we marveled at the swipe cards used for games and rides (no tickets here!), and we laughed at the $10 "North Carolina Bar-B-Q" sandwich for sale. Here we are in SoCal, at the Orange County Fair, and out of ALL the foods to have in huge display, there is one specifically serving North Carolina Barbeque. To me, that clearly showcases the supremacy of North Carolina's pulled pork.

Lake Arrowhead - a HUGE manmade lake in the mountains just above the High Desert. This lake is completely surrounded by shops and multimillion dollar homes. we saw a 30,000 square-foot home, that had a 3000 sq/ft MAID's quarters. so basically, you could fit TWO of my current home in the maid's quarters. we found some good deals at the shops, but the boat tour really showed us the ridiculous amounts of money that American celebrities waste.

Corona del Mar - this is a beach, not a drink. there were tide pools, cliffs to climb, and more multimillion dollar homes everywhere. lots of pics, but Sarah hasn't had time to upload those to ol' facebook yet. hopefully soon...

NO YARDS - that's right, no grass to cut. My dad's yard is desert. where he lives in the High Desert, the only people who have grass are morons who want to waste money on expensive water bills to care for an ecosystem that isn't even native to that area. the only native plants are cacti, joshua trees, tumbleweeds, and some other prickly little things.

it was good to get away from NC, but i am pretty sure i prefer living here to living there. sure, the humidity is high here, and the weather is schizophrenic, and Angier is pretty far removed from the beach, and the NC mountains don't really compare to the Rocky Mountains, and the nearest theme park is pretty ghetto,
but my cost of living is around 1/3 of the cost of living out there.
and this is where God has called us to be.

a little behind...

2008-08-02T10:18:00.003-05:00

so, i let life overwhelm me for a bit...

but here's a glimpse of what's to come:
adventures in CA
or, 'how to find NC pulled pork in the OC'
summer movie review part Deux
or, 'Dark Knight of the Soul'
theological and philosophical reflections
or, how to help a legalist realize he's a legalist, and what i like (and don't) about Shane Claiborne's books

i'll be in a place to finally blog these things next week...

open or closed

2008-07-01T15:31:00.002-05:00

there's a store on the street around the corner from our quaint little house in downtown Angier... pronounced (Ann'-jer)... this store is a car parts/hardware store and probably has been for 50+ years. Angier's downtown strip only has 1 or two stores like that, though, which is pretty sad for a downtown, but we do have a nice clock and a mighty nice caboose. beat that, Buies Creek.

anyways... this store must be doing pretty well, because their 'open' sign can be seen flashing pretty much anytime you drive by... during the day, the early morning, late at night, in the middle of said night, whatever - the 'open' sign is always flashing.

I'm just the kind of nerd to notice something like this and then say in my head (where many, many strange things are said), "i'm going to go in there sometime and tell them they need to remember to turn that sign off!" Perhaps that's some of my wife's pseudo-OCD rubbing off on me, that i feel some compulsion to turn off a blinking light. i mean, clearly the store is not open at 5am, nor at 11pm or later, but that open sign is still flashing!

i know a few people like that. they are telling me with their mouths that they are open(minded), but in deed they are pretty much closed all around, all the time. there are those who will flash at just the right time, when it is appropriate, and will even claim their "open"ness through the night, putting on just enough of a show to convince.

but, where the rubber meets the road (pun intended for aforementioned car parts store), they are practically, functionally, and sadly, not open at all. this brings their claims to about the same level as the flashing 'open' sign on the store - a waste of resources (energy), and a bad impression in the long run, regardless of how long they have been around.

let this be an encouragement to us (me) to remain 'open' in word AND deed; to let love motivate toward open embrace; to let peace motivate toward openly seeking commonality; to let joy move toward openly rejoicing with my family and community; to let my mind be open to ideas, concepts, lifestyles, and beliefs so that i might recognize and point toward Christ.

a lesson in perception

2008-06-26T12:21:00.004-05:00

my favorite youth-coordinating couple, the Cross family, started an impromptu 'experiment.'

Melissa put an 'Obama 08' magnet on the back of her car.
Melissa may or may not vote for Obama, i don't know. Shaun may or may not vote.

the point was to see what kind of responses she got...

after a few weeks, with no responses i know of from the church family, she finally was asked in a passive/aggressive sort of way by her employer, a day-care, to remove the sticker or park in a different place. Because it is at a conservative church, the pastor and staff didn't want the church to appear to be supporting one candidate or another, in order to separate church from state (a wonderful, underappreciated concept).
Melissa began parking in a different place...
...and then, one day, came across lots of Huckabee information and pamphlets in the church office...

Melissa then, jokingly, put the magnet/sticker on my car this last Sunday.

Wanting to continue the 'experiment,' i didn't complain and left it, until just a few minutes ago.

i was asked to remove it, for the same original reason as Melissa's employer. Here at Grace, we as a staff, and a church, will not be endorsing any one politician publicly, so the sticker was definitely going against that unwritten policy. Understandably, i removed it. (and we don't have any secret Huckabee pamphlets... just a closet Ron Paul supporter or two)
The only other responses i've had in the past few days were a chuckle from KJ, and an "oh my goodness, what is that doing there" from my wife, who then smiled when i explained the experiment.

If i weren't on staff here, i'd probably leave it up, to continue my experiment in the various places i drive and park my car.

Why?

my friend Mike, during the last election, had a Kerry sticker on the left side of his trunk, and a Bush sticker on the right side of his trunk. I can only imagine the looks on the faces of those he saw through his rear-view window... glancing back and forth, furrowing their brows, squinting their eyes to make sure they were seeing correctly.

Does a politician's sticker on the back of one's car necessitate that the person MUST and/or will be voting for that politician?

in Mike's case, and in mine, it is anyone's guess.

but the experiment i would have liked to continue would, i think, begin to unveil some of the prejudices we carry, especially in the Bible belt. When you see someone with hippie stickers on their car, is it fair to assume that they have long dreadlocks and smoke pot? what if it was just a used car and the current owner was too lazy to razorblade those stickers off?
Does a particular sticker on someone's car make it RIGHT to make a judgment call on their character, morals, or personal hygiene?

tough questions to ask oneself.

here's some more -

because I am a Christian, can i vote for a Democrat with a clear conscience? Can i vote for Obama, specifically? How crucial is my vote to the continued state and/or federally-supported abortions? will my vote affect the margin for gay marriage as it is recognized by the country/state? Would i have been asked to remove the sticker if it was a McCain magnet? Will McCain flip-flop on any of the key issues when he's in office? Is he really a Republican? does that even matter?
What happened to Ron Paul?

i love my church, and out of respect for my staff and my family here, i'll gladly pull that sticker off...

but, i would love to see what the experiment could have unveiled... if there are any facial expressions or conversations that i could have had...

and please, if you had any thoughts, positive or negative, about that sticker on my car, shoot me an e-mail! give me a call, or post a comment.

finally, some progress!

2008-06-24T10:29:00.001-05:00

you can get my last full-length CD, 'the Resistance,' on iTunes.

i'm just a little excited :-)

nerd, interrupted

2008-06-15T17:55:00.006-05:00

i'm a nerd, and i have been frequently interrupted as i have written this post.

i have never denied my nerdiness, nor have i argued with it. it is a simple fact.

i have a Star Wars collection (with a focus on Boba Fett)

i have an Xbox360 with several games, and i enjoy it.

i collect and read graphic novels (Batman, JLA, etc.)

so, this summer's movie schedule was more or less targeted at nerds like me. I mean, there are some things about it that are an attempt to draw in the "casual" moviegoer with loud explosions and fast-paced CGI effects, but let's get serious. Apart from Shyamalan's recent bomb (for a GREAT review, check here) and a mediocre Sex and the City one-shot, this is a summer of superheroes.

To me, Marvel Comics' uniqueness, and arguably their key attraction, is drawn from the persistence of flaws in their characters. What Stan Lee is GREAT at is crafting a character who has phenomenal ability but an obvious, fatal flaw with which to wrestle for the duration of that character's existence.
DC characters are more pure in their mythic quality, and that is at once DC's strength and weakness - the DC Trinity (Batman, Superman, WonderWoman) are so separate from humanity that they are amazingly attractive to a point and wonderfully powerful, but they are also separate in most ways from human pain/suffering, so readers cannot resonate with some of what occurs in their plotlines unless a human element is injected (Batman has Robin, Superman has Jimmy and Lois, Wonder Woman has her alter ego of 'Diana Prince' in which she is learning 'how' to be human)
Marvel's characters, by comparison, are unmistakably human. With the exception of the Asgardian gods (who still behave very much like humans), Marvel's superheroes are easy to resonate with, for readers and now for viewers.

with that Marvel caveat, here's my mini-review of the summer movies i've seen so far:

Iron Man -
Robert Downey, Jr. is a great 'version' of Iron Man. Although Tony Stark has never been written with quite so much sarcasm, it worked great in this film. One of the things i find most exciting about the current sequel-talk is the fact that Stark's flaws are: heart condition (unless you're reading Ultimate - a separate Marvel universe), and alcoholism. As many know, Downey has struggled with alcoholism. SO... given a good screenwriter and good director (Favreau was capable), the sequel could arguably be better than this outing.
ANYWAY - IronMan had a great pace to it, nicely integrated effects, and an adequate cast. Great for popcorn consumption, or sneaking in cheaper candy. This is actually a nerd movie that is a potential date movie, because of the nature of the dialogue and the charisma that Downey displays in the role. It's not Spiderman 2, but it's a great example of a superhero movie created for mass consumption.

The Incredible Hulk -
I love Ed Norton. American History X and Fight Club are part of my top 10 favorite movies of all time, and Ed made both of them memorable. Arguably, Ed has played the dual-personality role once too often, but i really didn't have a problem watching Ed play Bruce Banner. I have to admit that i'm WAY more interested in seeing the 'extended cut' on DVD (which may have as much as 70 minutes extra footage) than seeing the theatre cut again, but Hulk falls into a similar category as Iron Man for me - great theatre experience, and a superhero movie that can also be a date movie - Ed and Liv Tyler actually have a semblance of chemistry, which i was anxious about before the film, and my wife enjoyed the relational dynamics. This Hulk movie is at the least more credible than the last, if not incredible in comparison.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull -
there are some movies that are key to my imagination as i grew up - Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Last Crusade are two of my all-time favorite movies, and always will be. Spielberg and Lucas were at the top of their game during these films, arguably... and i feel like that edge has been worn a bit, over time. but only a bit
Harrison Ford is one of my favorite actors, and although it can be said he plays a similar role in all of his parts, Indiana Jones is an enduring, lovable, heroic character. Although Ford said he'd never play Han Solo again, he has always held a place for Indy in his heart, and finally had time in his schedule to shoot this film.
However, it seems that more of this film was shot in the processor of a computer than i would have liked... some of the scenes that would have been amazing live stunts in the 80's are now CGI rendered, and thus neutered, stunts that i can pull in my video games. i'm not a Shia LeBouf fan, so i wasn't too thrilled about his role in this movie, although he didn't annoy me as much as i was anticipating.
I enjoyed this movie from start to finish, even with the interruptions of my wife asking for clarification since she somehow had NEVER seen Raiders or Temple of Doom prior to this. The pacing was great, and seeing Harrison in the Indy garb made me feel like a kid again. there are some clever scenes, and some silly scenes, and unfortunately a few dumb scenes. the resolution to the Crystal Skull part of the plot, in particular, was just a bit too out there (thanks to Lucas) to really resonate with the audience, but thankfully the scene after it 'almost' washes the aftertaste out.
reflecting on it now, i think that i probably won't like this movie as much when i watch it again more critically, but for a theatre experience, and for the feeling of nostalgia that accompanied me that day, it was worth it.

Prince Caspian -
Part of being a nerd is being a 'purist.' That means, good nerds dislike (and when i say dislike i mean hate) the Star Wars 'prequels,' Greedo shooting first, the Catwoman 'movie' (if you can call it that), and any deviations from the original form of a story are simply WRONG.
The first Narnia movie moved some key lines and portrayed some of the key themes in very different ways, and for many people this made it just plain wrong. For me, it was merely distracting. The most distracting thing was that QuiGon Jin/Oskar Schindler/Alfred Kinsey/Ra's Al Ghul was also Aslan.
Once i got over this... the movie was decent. Since i was already over this casting tension during Caspian, and Aslan has less screen time, it wasn't a distraction as such.
As a movie, and a sequel to the other Narnia movie, Caspian is a good time in the theatre. it's not LotR, it may not be Harry Potter (haven't seen or read any of those), but it is its own world, finally beginning to develop its own identity. Many, many details are left out of the books, and even though a picture speaks a thousand words, these moving pictures still leave out some of the more key ones. That said, there are several spiritual themes that translate well into this film version of a great children's story.
if you can wait, catch it in the 1.50 theatre, but see it on a big screen somehow.

my wife will testify that i do NOT like to see chick flicks or comedies in the theatre. for some reason, i feel like i'm wasting money if i don't get a different effect than watching the movie at home... and Iron Man, Hulk, Indy and Caspian are all "theatre movies" to me... they have a different effect on the big screen with the big sound than they will when i watch them at home on the DVD special editions that i will inevitably buy.

or receive as gifts if i'm lucky.

weddings, weddings

2008-06-14T11:06:00.002-05:00

i have been pretty lazy posting because of all the things going on day to day... i'm in the middle of mixing/recording tracks for the WeddingSongs album i'm working on, i've had 3 weddings to perform in over the past 5 weeks, and i've been transitioning to the summer schedule here at Grace...

AND, i'm still in the dadgum middle of MANY books, so i don't have any cohesive or conclusive thoughts in my head... everything is in flux. i'm a moron for reading all this at once. i need to just PICK ONE and go on a vacation...

vacation, what's that?

what i'm reading:
Irresistible Revolution
Jesus for President - both by Shane Claiborne
Jazz Notes - a Blue Like Jazz remix by Miller
UnChristian - Barna research concluded by Kinnaman
Powers - graphic novel series by Bendis... very unique twist on the superhero genre
Triune Creator - Colin Gunton's treatise on the nature of God as expressed in the creative acts in Genesis

and, i'll be starting Sex God by Bell with some friends of mine and my wife. if you're in the Angier/BC area and want in on a discussion group for it, send me a message!

knowing your context

2008-04-29T10:01:00.003-05:00

i've been distracted recently by the ending of my Trinity class, an e-mail dialogue with my brother, and several great books/DVDs/video games that have consumed my free thoughts...
The Triune God by William Placher is a great read... very philosophical understanding of the doctrine and articulation of the Trinity.
Band of Brothers - Tom Hanks' directed episode is phenomenal, and all of the performances (even Schwimmer) are great... all the interviews with the old men on whom the series is based make me want to cry
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - i'm more and more willing to publicly admit my fan-dom. we own the entire series, and have been watching from season 1, and since i NEVER watched the show before this past year, it's been an experience - i can no longer mock those who are obsessed, though i am not to the point of obsession. Joss Whedon and his cohorts sure know how to tell a great story, with sufficiently engaging sarcasm.

i have to admit, further, that these things are informing the way i respond to things. For instance - I'm in a dinner theatre that is a satire of a WWII story, but it's hard for me to joke about WWII because i'm currently drawn into the true story of the 506th, and there's nothing funny about what those men did.
Or, the fact that i'm reading Placher's very philosophical take on Trinitarian language has deeply affected the way i want to respond to my brother's most recent thoughts, but it presupposes a knowledge of Kant, Locke, Anselm, Aquinas, Eckhart, Levinas, Wittgenstein, and Kierkegaard that i feel like i barely grasp, so i'm wrestling with the thoughts of these men before i feel i can appropriately respond.
and... when i'm bored on the internet, i'm trying VERY hard not to give into temptation... you know, the temptation to go to imdb.com and read the plot synopsis for the Buffy and/or Angel series... it's hard waiting in suspense for time to watch the next episode when i KNOW that the answers are just a few wiki words away!

all that to say, this is my current mental context. there are a few relational circumstances that are also big factors in my mental make-up, but for the most part this is where my mind currently strives. And, it's very important for me to be aware of this, in the same way that it is important for YOU to be AWARE of what your context is. In order for me to really give the most of myself to a conversation, or to a debate, or even to listening, i have to be aware of what's swimming around in my head, and i have to be willing to take it all captive, put it under an umbrella of self-discipline, so that i might honestly give of myself when the opportunities arise. i also need to be aware of when i can use my current thoughts and hobbies to better engage the people around me! (any other closet Buffy fans?)

this may be a bit existential, but it is necessary for each of us to remember where we're coming from, and keep it in mind, as we relate to other people. true objectivity may not be attainable, given how messy a lived life tends to be, so even in debate we must be fair to the context of the other, and aware of our own messy context.

and now, to get back to my e-mail to my brother...

the man, the myth

2008-04-15T07:16:00.002-05:00

i think i've found my doctoral dissertation.

that is, assuming that i eventually decide to pursue that level of education. I do think i'll end up with a D.Min at some point in my life, because i'm interested in doing some deeper work in some applicable issues, but i don't care to go back and learn 4 languages (Greek, Hebrew, Theological German, Spanish)... but who knows...

anyways, if i get the chance to do some serious research and then write a 'book' or sorts, i would like to take the Hero Myth, or monomyth, and the current works by Christian and non-Christian authors regarding masculinity, manliness, promise keeping, etc., and do a thorough comparison and contrast, and then draw some conclusions about the meaning/value of gender and sexuality in scripture, myth, and life as it is lived.

as i've been reading Wild at Heart again, by John Eldredge, i've been even MORE aware of the thorough penetration of the Hero's story... several years ago, i read Wild at Heart. it had some deep meaning and good application for where i was on my journey, but this was the end of undergrad. In between then and now, i've read Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell, as well as a few other primary works by Campbell, and i've been immersed in movie and comic-book superhero stories (ask me how often i read graphic novels).

Now that i'm re-visiting Eldredge's work, it's almost shocking how often he appeals to the Hero's story, to the greater myths that are at work in the narrative of masculinity. Unfortunately, he does not explicitly recognize Campbell's work, and he doesn't even explicitly recognize the Hero's journey in other cultures and/or religious contexts - he only mentions great movies that clearly reflect aspects of the Hero's journey (Braveheart, Gladiator, Good Will Hunting, etc.).
What's most ironic to me about this lack of recognition for Campbell is that Eldredge doesn't really rely on Scripture to be his authority, he is relying on mythic consistencies in our individual stories and experiences, psychological and counseling tools, and even some of the terminology coined by Campbell.

i have some practice - i actually wrote my Senior Synthesis paper for Div. School in the manner of the Hero's Journey - i used Campbell's outline to structure my experiences through undergrad and grad school, and in doing so had to do a lot of personal reflection, and had to do a lot of reading of Campbell's work. Thus, i can easily recognize how often Eldredge is appealing to Campbell, or at the very least to the monomyth (a term from a James Joyce novel, made popular by Campbell). For another project in Div. School, i compared the Stages of Faith development (by James Fowler) with the Hero's Journey, which i suppose could also be a doctoral dissertation. Perhaps that one would be more useful on a scholarly level or in a theoretical sense (since the Stages of Faith are theories of faith development), but at this point i'm more drawn to the Wild at Heart/Monomyth comparison because of the immense popularity of the Eldredge works... he continues to write, and much of what he writes draws from the power of myth as much as it does from the truths of scripture.

i think another reason i feel led to write about this stuff is that i've been recognizing an important fact about community - the corrective aspect of relationships. Let's face it, i am not always right, and sometimes not even close, and you are not always right, but as we live in relationship with each other, we have the opportunity to guide each other by offering the other perspective, by sharing the journey. (this is probably another thought i'll develop soon)
Although many people i know have said negative things or held negative attitudes about Eldredge's work, i have yet to find someone who has provided a corrective approach, or even a well-documented response. So, i'll potentially take that on myself and give a corrective in the form of an explicit comparison between Eldredge's work and Joseph Campbell's, and the possible conclusions one might draw from that...

feeding the machine

2008-04-07T13:14:00.002-05:00

sometimes i like American capitalism - i just don't write those times down so i can't really qualify why i like it right now.

rather, i'm a little distracted by how much i dislike it.

for instance, KJ and i were part of a presentation last week that was a strange amalgamation of capitalist sales pitch/charismatic worship service. when one mixes the Church and sales, it's like a simile that i can't articulate. something dirty, muddy, sloppy, staining...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i just wrote a whole post regarding this particular event, but i am realizing that my attitude is a little bit TOO cynical... so rather than bust on this odd mixture of Church and economy, i'll scratch that and reflect on some of the deeper issues.

- cultural Christianity
our nearest and dearest enemy in this part of the United States. Our Christian Education is crippled by the in-bred "Christianity" that pervades our good Southern culture. To clarify, i'm proud to be a native Southerner, born in VA and raised in NC, and the Southern culture in general is not the target of my critique - rather, the cultural Christianity that blinds persons to the true depth and passion and power of the good news of Jesus Christ' death and resurrection. The most unfortunate casualty tends to be the rural pastors - they are inundated with traditional, established, 'understood' theology, and the educational process is stifled. once a parishioner can speak the language and keep all the rules, they are a Christian. sadly, some of these truths were illustrated in conversations had recently, and the nature of the presentation we were sitting through last week.

- Christian use of of media
church marketing sucks. that actually happens to be a website, as well - just add the .com at the end. i really appreciate this site, in just my few times engaging the content to be found there. They accurately point out the church's misuse of media, in most of its forms. Sure, we can speak audibly from a pulpit, but other than that the Church seems to suffer - from recording and distributing this spoken word to printing attractive materials to maintaining a vibrant, informative website - we really drop the ball. i'm thankful that at GCC we have a design professor, a professional graphic designer, and lots of picky people to keep the staff and Elders on our toes regarding our printed image and our website - and i'm thankful for their help! however, in our community, i think we tend the be the exception that proves the rule.

- the death of the newspaper
this is a slow-coming, yet imminent, demise. news stories, blogs and internet content that can be accessed on phones, iPods, computers, remote screens, televisions, and more will continue to cut into the 'profits' of printed media. There is something unique about reading a paper, and there are certainly established demographics for the continued use of the newspaper and associated newsmagazines, but with the increasing awareness of waste (tabloids, anyone?) and the proliferation of the digital media, it's only a matter of time. With that said, why should a church fork out any sizable sum of money to purchase an advertisement? i'd rather personally invite someone to join us at church than print an impersonal ad, and i'd MUCH rather the BURDEN of invitation rest on the believers than be displaced onto a printed or web presence.

i have been writing this during a very interesting Trinity class, incidentally, so i'll probably have to blog about my Trinity thoughts later this week... here's hoping, anyway...

now that i feel sufficiently old...

2008-04-01T07:03:00.003-05:00

i'm probably not going to post today - it'll have to be tom. or Thurs. before i have the time. the church newsletter takes priority!

the theologians we are reading in class are all contemporary, so there's some strange stuff to process, so i'm still thinking about how to summarize some of them, as well...

27 things

2008-03-25T07:12:00.004-05:00

i have a confession - i didn't read for class today.

good thing i'm just auditing! :-)

i'll have to catch up on that reading this week, while also reading for next week, while also reading Wild at Heart, while also reading about 3 other books and 2 or 3 graphic novels.

while thinking about this, i realized that there are several books, several movies, some places, and some relationships that have had a profound effect in shaping me... and in the spirit of my recent birthday, i decided, as a kind of catharsis, to list out the 27 most influential things.
in no specific order, btw... except for maybe the last few, just to be clear for people who like the numbers to NECESSARILY go in order...

27. graphic novels - (a general category - from JLA to Batman to Doug TenNapel to indie artists/writers pumping out edgy material). I have been able to engage in some phenomenal stories that can only be found in the form of 'comics.' most of the movies don't even come CLOSE to adapting the stories or even capturing the images - 300 and Sin City (both Frank Miller tales) are the closest in image, but even still the story is not the same as it is in the medium of graphic novel form.
26. Derek Webb - the Gospel in song is most powerful, and Derek writes the truth of the Gospel without mincing words or softening hard concepts. Derek's songs make me think, make me cry (sometimes), and make me want to be a better songwriter.
25. Office Space - i could watch this movie over and over. even though it is 'old,' it still rings true with 'office' life, and Ron Livingston has some brilliant comic timing and delivery in this film... beware the gangsta rap...
24. Blue Like Jazz - on a short list of books i could read twice. Miller's book feels like a conversation, so rather than be rude and end the conversation i read this book in just under two days, and i felt guilty putting it down to go to sleep. the stream-of-thought style of writing is similar to Palaniuk, who has done some amazing work, but Miller is recounting true stories rather than crafting fiction - and it resonates as deeply true.
23. Ender's Game - the other book on the short list. I was so drawn into this book that i actually took it on our honeymoon (i had never read it until last year!). I will definitely make my son/daughter read this as soon as they hit middle school - i continue to be amazed at how intricately and accurately Card characterizes human relationships. It also amazes me how a Mormon could be so deeply spiritual and philosophical - but Card seems to be unique
22. Star Wars novels - there are dozens of novels that have been written, filling every possible gap in-between movies and spanning 60 years after Return of the Jedi... and i think i've read them all and own about 30. Timothy Zahn is the best SW author, best capturing the pace and dialogue of the original films, but The Courtship of Princess Leia by Dave Wolverton is my favorite if i had to choose.
21. soccer - i've made some great friendships on the soccer field, and i enjoy watching a match more than any other televised sport - especially when the US is playing. even more personal, i had asthma as a child and playing soccer in middle and high school eliminated my symptoms... now that i haven't played in over a year, though, i'm starting to struggle again. sucks to be lazy
20. Total Money Makeover - this was a wedding gift, so i wasn't too excited about it at first, but i have to admit that once i started reading i sped through it. this book has helped transform the way my wife and i spend our money, and we are now in a place financially that we could not have been 1 year ago - the mantra of the book is "if you live like no one else, you can live like no one else." meaning, if we sacrifice now instead of indulging in every 0% interest deal, then we will be out of debt and able to do more later when our peers are mired in years of accumulated debt. think about it.
19. Halo - i have to give credit where credit is due - and this game series has consumed enough of my time that i have to mention it. the multiplayer has actually played a part in my friendships and relationships with several people, and the story of the single-player campaign is very involved and cinematic.
18. Thrift Stores - i used to shop once a month... with less money, i've dropped to maybe once every other month, but at least half my wardrobe is from thrift stores, and a good portion of my bookshelf. you never know what you'll find...
17. The Empire Strikes Back - a 4 star movie, by the way. this is my favorite movie of all time, and i could watch it again right now. the bounty hunters, learning the ways of the Force, getting a hand cut off - the 2nd act is always the darkest, and the night is always darkest before the dawn.
16. My Dad - the book Wild at Heart has helped me put some of this in perspective, but my dad's marital infidelity and sexual sin, followed by pseudo-abandonment, have greatly shaped the way that i handle my marriage, the way i seek to be a Father, and the way i have approached the theologies of repentance, forgiveness, and God's sovereignty.
15. pEtE Stewart - once in overtly Christian grunge rock group Grammatrain (95-99), then in Tait (with a member from dcTalk), then a producer for the Hero Rock Opera, then suddenly an agnostic in The Accident Experiment with Marcos Curiel (from POD), then an atheist solo artist. what a journey! all of pete's music is characterized by honesty, however, and i can appreciate that even if it seems unfortunate that his journey has taken this path. i pray that God reveals deeper truth to pete. his songwriting will always be an influence
14. Boba Fett - my favorite character from the Star Wars universe, introduced in Empire and "killed" in RotJ, but the books following have him regurgitated and busy for years to come. even though almost all of his history has been recently articulated, i will always remember the mysterious character, and cling to the power of mystery portrayed in Empire.
13. my brother - i can point at his past blog as a shaping factor in my reading habits for the past 2 or 3 years... he is in a very different place on his spiritual journey now than he was then, but still in a very different place than i am. we have many similar tastes in music and movies and cultural critique, but our theology diverges. here's hoping for convergence
12. the books of Stephen Lawhead - i was almost a history education major... and Lawhead's books reinforce my love for historical fiction. the way he tells stories in new yet deeply rooted ways is refreshing and engaging. his sci-fi works are great as well, but i will always treasure his newest trilogy and the Pendragon cycle (especially Merlin).
11. Taylor guitars - i wish Taylor would sponsor me. i love their guitars, and i own two. someday, i'll own more, but for now i have to be content :-)
10. Justin McRoberts - one of my favorite songwriters... honest, profound, raw, hilarious in conversation. his new album is out, and you can watch all the songs live on YouTube... check it out. he'll always be an influence on how i write songs.
9. Robin - if i could be any superhero, it would be Robin. and not the ambiguously gay Robin from the 60's and 70's, but the current, intelligent, fully-dressed iteration. He is a necessary hero to compliment the darkness in Batman. there's probably a psychological reason why i identify with Robin, but i'm not sure what it is yet...
8. Grandparents - my grandparents are a model of consistency and stability, if nothing else. their marriage is intact after 4 kids, a dozen grandkids, several moves, and financial troubles in the past and some in the present. i will forever be indebted to them for their consistent care for me. and, they gave me my mom (without whom i would not exist)
7. Campbell University - you can't imagine how thankful i am for this place. i never thought i'd go to school there, and now i can't imagine anything else. God used the environment (99-06, Burkot Hall, CU Div., intramural sports, etc), the people, the professors, and the ministry opportunities to shape me and heal me and break me as He saw fit.
6. Charismatic Christianity - i grew up in an Assemblies of God church, and in High School i began asking hard questions, and i have developed my philosophy of leading music in worship in part as reaction to those experiences growing up and in part in emulation of. i'll always have mixed reactions to PH, AoG, and CoG churches... but i can't deny my upbringing
5. bad break-ups - they make for great songs, in most cases... but they also make for not-so-desirable baggage when you get married. i think i had every possible break-up situation, so at the very least i can counsel my sons on what not to do, and what to look out for... but sometimes i wish things had been different.
4. WCA - where to summarize... you either loved it or hated it, basically, and yet somehow, i find myself in a gray area. i refuse to make blanket statements, especially because the school is so different now than it was then, but i have to admit that Wake Christian Academy played a role in shaping me into who i am.
3. Grace Community Church - from a middle school cafeteria to a great facility on the corner of 210. from 100ish to 250ish. from no drums to drums most of the time. from yuppy college kid to Assistant Pastor. it's been great to grow up with Grace
2. My Wife - Sarah Jean Calvert is a treasure. if you don't know her yet, you might not agree, but for anyone who has met her there is no hesitation to affirm. I'm privileged to take care of her and lead her in the way God is calling us to minister to our community and our families.
1. My relationship with God through Jesus Christ - with Jesus i have purpose, hope, freedom, community, peace, comfort, joy, and an eternal connection with God. if you haven't known God in this way, ask me about it

how do you approach?

2008-03-18T09:17:00.004-05:00

i have to admit that the 'approach' is very important...

the way you approach a girl can speak explicitly to the intentions you may have. the way a plan approaches the landing strip has everything to do with how smooth/rough the landing may be. in open-world games like GTA and to an extent Halo and Call of Duty, your approach can determine your chance of victory before you even take a shot.

when looking at the Trinitarian theology of Moltmann, Pannenberg, and Kasper, i've been very aware of the different approaches to Trinitarian thought. In fact, without an awareness of their approaches, these three guys seem like they are trying to make some necessarily controversial statements with the intent of being almost offensive. Moltmann potentially offends so many with his terminology and lack of respect for what he perceives as a "monarchian" monotheism in Judaism.
BUT
when you consider his approach... his time as POW during WWII, his German ethnicity, his German Reformed denominational context... it puts things in a different light. Moltmann has such an emphasis on egalitarian perceptions of the Trinity in part because of his egalitarian desires for humanity/politics/ecumenicism.
Kasper's approach is from the church Unity that characterizes his writing and work... knowing his approach brings an important light to his theology

this has caused me to pause and think about my OWN approach to the Trinity, and to theology in general. My issues with my father, my fears of failure, my Assemblies of God upbringing... all of these things shape my approach to theology. My time at Wake Christian Academy, being spoon-fed shallow, ultra-conservative theology and my subsequent reaction TO that theology in college... that shapes my approach to theology.

i suppose that i would challenge everyone to be aware of their approach... think about the ways that your approach is unique to you, and be aware of the ways that the theologians that we read approach specific issues of doctrine.

and now for something totally inane

2008-03-11T09:13:00.003-05:00

just to give balance to the seriousness of my last post...

watch THIS and be sad for the Christian education of this congregation

and, because the internet is so tempting...

think about the mindset of someone who would say this:
The Bible punishes crimes (whether committed against children or adults) by fines, beatings, and death penalty. If the parent has done anything wrong, those should apply. Imprisonment or taking children away from their parents is not mentioned anywhere. In fact, king Solomon gave a baby back to his prostitute mother because she was the mother and thereby best suited for raising that particular child. A parent who molests their child should receive the death penalty, which will do more to help the child heal than being in the care of a (probably more abusive) foster family.

yeah, i just love that verse where Jesus says "yeah, let's all throw stones at once!".... i think that's how it goes...

this really makes me want to get to "A Year of Living Biblically," a book my brother gave me. I think it'll give me insight into how people get to the place where they would believe and even WRITE things like the italicized...

a Protestant, a Catholic, and an Orthodox...

2008-03-11T06:59:00.002-05:00

... walk into a blog post.

what could easily be turned into a poor attempt at a joke is actually the intro to the 'global perspectives' that we're covering in our class on Trinitarian theology.

as i alluded to a few posts back, we have Barth (Protestant), Rahner (Catholic), and Zizioulas (Greek Orthodox) lined up for the first 3 persons to study.

Barth's contribution to Trinitarian thought has a lot to do with emphasizing the importance of the Trinity for ALL of theology. although Barth claims to base his doctrine of Trinity on Scripture, most critics have pointed out that Barth rather utilizes logical analysis of the concept of Trinity and the revelation of God.
Barth suggests that, theologically and doctrinally, we need to begin with the Trinity, since that is what we encounter in God's revelation, and only AFTER the Trinity should we discuss the attributes of God. This is certainly different than classical, systematic theology that begins with existence of God, then attributes, then Trinity. It is important, i think, to recognize that God's revelation of God's self is in Trinity, so it follows that the attributes of this God are clearest in light of Trinity, right?
*implicitly, i'm ok with assuming that God exists in the first place. perhaps this is an apologetic weakness for me, but existentially i'm willing to affirm a living, active God.

Rahner's contribution: The economic Trinity is the immanent Trinity; the immanent Trinity is the economic Trinity.
what?
good question. there's a lot of debate regarding what exactly Rahner means by that, but it is certainly a meaningful, if succinct, statement. simply put, Rahner is saying that the God revealed in salvation history is the true, triune divine being, and vice versa. This seems to be an important concept to me because we are often prompted to focus on one 'person' or another during the course of the Easter season... we focus on Christ's suffering, we focus on God's love, we maybe sometimes sort of remember the Holy Spirit's role in resurrection (of course we HAVE to remember the Spirit in Pentecost...right?). How much more meaningful and intimate to think of the Trinity's roles in ALL of the work of salvation!

Zizioulas was very interesting. I think he's the first Greek Orthodox theologian whose work i have read at length, and i have to admit i really liked it. Although some of his linguistic issues point towards subordination (one part of the Trinity is higher than the others), i think that the asymmetrical model is very interesting, and not necessarily heretical. Although it is much easier to draw a symmetrical symbol to represent the Trinity, and it is easier to accept (hypothetically) by faith a symmetrical model of Trinitarian relationships, something about the asymmetrical model resonated with me. I don't think that an asymmetrical model necessitates subordinationism... but that could be because i don't understand all that i'm talking about :-)

voluntary mutability... that sounds like a strange concept. Something that all three of these theologians bring to the forefront is God's role in salvation history. God's role in TIME, actually entering into the incarnation. If we say that God has entered into time in the person of Jesus during and after the incarnation, are we not also necessarily saying that God has... changed?... at least in reference to the person of Jesus changing with the passage of time and the necessary effects on His body, and the amazing historical change that the resurrection marks... does this mean that God, as Trinity, voluntarily entered into a kind of mutability... a kind of change? Does what we see in the economic Trinity, the work of God in salvation history, equate to the True, inner relationships of the Trinity and the eternal nature of the Godhead? does the incarnation require the eternal God to wholly enter time...? Barth (and Calvin) would posit that God has always been the kind of God who would enter time through incarnation, and thus immutability is maintained because God's entrance and engagement with time is already in God's vision for God's self...
Something that i'll probably be thinking about as we continue to read other theologians and their interpretation of the Trinity, and something that i'll try to clarify soon... hopefully... :-)

better words than i had

2008-03-06T14:29:00.001-05:00

this is Brad's account of the "uncanny" post i linked earlier... his is articulated much better, as well
Check it Out

uncanny

2008-03-04T14:31:00.002-05:00

being a child of the 80's/90's, whenever i hear "uncanny" i immediately think of the x-men

being a nerd, i decided to check on the definition of that word before i use it again, and good ol' Webster and the websterites who continue the legacy say this: having or seeming to have a supernatural or inexplicable basis; beyond the ordinary or normal; extraordinary

now, with that definition in mind, read this post from my Pastor's blog...

i find this post to be uncanny, and have referred to it as such several times in the past two days.
Brad's wife Linda was pronounced 'dead' at 9:35am... and he wrote the post linked above at 9:05am

the only reason that 'uncanny' might not be the best word is because there is NOT an "inexplicable" basis, although certainly supernatural.

It is a testimony to the continued faithfulness of a living, active God.

my Lenten fast so far...

2008-02-25T22:13:00.002-05:00

if you've never participated in a Lenten fast, you should

it's a little too late to start now, so relax

i can't recall if i posted this already (i could probably just read previous posts, but i'm too lazy), but i am fasting from video games of all sorts for Lent.

i heard that - no chuckling. did you just mock my decision?

well, i'll tell you what - i have been forced to evaluate the way i spend my time. If NOTHING else occurs in my spiritual journey through this fast, i have been face to face with the way i spend my down time. I'm on the go for most of the day, going from place to place and meeting this person or that person, and when i am finally home, if my wife is not home (and sometimes when she IS home), i turn on the hexbox or the wii and zone out for a bit. for me, this is a very therapeutic way to spend my time - if frustrated, i can shoot people. if i'm sleepy, i can play tennis and get my focus up. if youth are online, i can connect with them in a way i can't at church, playing some games with them and sharing small talk, sometimes more...
i'm an advocate of games that tell a story, as well, and there are some great games out and some coming out soon that do a GREAT job telling great stories that the gamer participates in. more and more, video games are interactive movies.

well, now that i'm NOT doing these things during the week, i've realized how much i WAS doing these things. i now have time to reflect on the value, and occasional lack thereof, of the games in the time i spend at home. i think my wife is very happy that i have not been playing, and she'll be sad (sort of) when Easter comes.

i'm very, very proud of my wife, though, because her fast is even more significant. She is fasting from make-up.

now, i know that EVERY man i have talked to couldn't care less about make-up on a woman. in fact, many prefer that the ladies just forget the stuff and get ready faster anyway.
so personally, i have been very happy that she takes less time in the bathroom.
but that's not why i'm proud of her.
Sarah recognized that the only really significant thing in her life other than God and me was her make-up... as many women would be forced to confess if they are honest with themselves. so much of a woman's self image is tied up in the culturally conditioned need for touch-ups, foundation, mascara, and all that other mess. Sarah has been wrestling through this Lenten fast by leaving off the make-up, seeking to understand that her beauty is deeper than that and is founded in God's perspective of her, not her perspective of herself.

Although she feels like lots of people have given her sideways glances and have mumbled under their breath about the girl with no make-up on, I think that overall she has been led to rely on God's peace in her through the day, which is certainly the focus of the Lenten fast.

she has definitely made my fasting seem pretty weak in comparison, and that's exactly what i want in a wife!

we are in recession

2008-02-19T08:40:00.002-05:00

i hate economics.

mostly because i don't understand how things work - when i was in math classes in HS and college, i usually finished tests pretty quickly, and felt good about them, because the formulas are always the same, and you can trust them, right? well, i never got the scores i thought i should have.... when i thought it was an A, it would be a B, and if i swear it should have been a B, it was a C.

i still hate math, and God has seen fit to make me a steward of finances, so i'm trying to humble myself and seek God's wisdom in that.

but back to economics - it is a study so tied to math that on first instinct i hate it, but there's enough risk and intuition involved that i'm still somewhat intrigued, which makes me hate it more because i still can't understand it. i mean, i feel like i should be able to understand how my retirement account in a Mutual Fund is working, but i seriously doubt that i could explain it well if you should ask, and thus Wittgenstein would argue that i really don't understand it at all.

it seems like inflation is increasing, consumers aren't buying as much (despite record video game sales in which i have participated), and sub-prime mortgages did something i can't explain, and thus we are in an economic recession.

but that's not the recession i was talking about in the post title.

rather, we are in a Trinitarian recession.
we being the Church

bad theology is increasing, pastors aren't studying as much (despite the internet being an incredible shared resource), and more people know the effect of sub-prime mortgages on the economy than they do about the relationships in the Trinity.

there is a term we are using in class, 'economic Trinity,' which references the inter-relatedness of the work and nature of the persons of the Trinity. just as consumers, producers, and the IRS have their roles in the economy with which we are somewhat familiar, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (NOT to be directly compared to consumers, et al.) have specific roles in the work of the God in Trinity, and yet their roles are mutually necessitated.

it seems to me that the Church is in a recession 'economically' with regard to the economic Trinity. Conservative Evangelicals focus on the unity of God (but not all to the point of Oneness Pentecostals), neglecting the distinctions of the three persons and the fullness found in their inter-relatedness. i really feel like i'm on the tip of something pretty significant when i contemplate the Trinity, and the reading i'm doing is only further intriguing me... the Church Fathers (and Mothers), all of the councils, Augustine, Aquinas, the crazy reformers - there's much more to the Trinity than we typically experience from the pulpit and/or the Sunday School classroom and/or the home...

coming next - Rahner (who coined the term "economic trinity"), Barth (for whom the Trinity was central to doctrine), and Zizioulas (anyone heard of this guy?)

theological exegesis

2008-02-12T08:48:00.000-05:00

Dr. Harmon just made a statement that was pretty profound - here's the paraphrase: all doctrinal issues come down to an issue of theological exegesis.

sounds like a statement of the obvious, but in realms where theology and philosophy make the waters a bit muddy, it's refreshing to be pulled back to something resembling a foundation - the scriptures.

we are talking in particular about Arius and Alexander and Athanasius... you know, the crew who shook up Nicea in 325... and all of the theological rhetoric that was debated was ultimately rooted in issues of exegesis of the scriptures (and the canon was just being finished at this point!). Something that i find ironic is that Arius and his party were prone to interpret John 1 'literally,' and Athanasius and his party (who ultimately won the council) interpreted John 1 more philosophically/metaphorically.
here's where the irony comes in - if you are an Evangelical today, then most if not all scripture is to be interpreted 'literally,' as opposed to philosophically or metaphorically.

just let that be another indication of the fact that doctrinal issues are all rooted in exegesis.
(and the question is begged, 'what is good exegesis?')

the Trinity's scriptural bases are many, and diverse, but in no way explicit. I'm thankful that the Church fathers (and mothers) wrestled with the issues of articulating the Trinity so that we would not have to till the same ground, but it is SO important that we continue to cultivate the seeds and bring the concepts to harvest by raising our awareness and exploring on our own initiative the exegetical and thus theological roots of the Trinity.

in order that i might be linked

2008-02-05T08:40:00.000-05:00

i have friends who are jerks.

jerks in so far as they will not link my blog to their blogs because i don't "update enough."

as if there is some unspoken amount of posts that is the fixed rule, and i do not abide by unsaid rule.

oh well. i love my friends anyway :-)

I'm auditing a class with Dr. Harmon @ Campbell Div. because he will be leaving at the end of this semester. The class is called God and Humanity (how do yo cover THAT in a semester??), but the focus of the class is on Trinitarian theology.

don't be confused - trinitarian theology is not some sect or offshoot of 'orthodox' theology or something like that. rather, trinitarian theology is just a means of focusing on the concept of the Trinity in the context of theological reflection.

as i've been doing the readings and reflecting on class time and such, i've come to a few conclusions.

1) we do not teach the Trinity well in our churches

2) we do not explore the Apostolic Fathers or early Church Fathers enough

3) the 3 things that do not get adequate teaching time in the church context are: sex, money, and the Trinity.

for some reason, we (and when i say we i guess i mean evangelicals) just assume that sexual education will spontaneously occur in the course of a marital relationship... which leaves our adolescents and young adults to struggle on their own. we also just assume that everyone knows how to handle their money in ways that please God... which is a very dangerous assumption given the context of our consumer-driven communities! and lastly, we assume that everyone must understand the Trinity since we sing hymns about it (sometimes) and the pastor always baptizes in the name of 3 persons... but if we ask a 'typical' layperson to explain the Trinity and how that concept affects our relationship with God, what will you get?

if you get ANYthing, you get the regurgitated version of things the pastor has implied, sort of. I'm willing to guess that the majority of our congregations (again, speaking of evangelicals) are unable to articulate the doctrine of the Trinity.

did you know that Phillips, Craig, and Dean don't believe in the Trinity? that there is an entire denomination of Christians who are borderline heretical (depending on how important you decide the Trinity happens to be)?

i'll leave you with Augustine's response to our dilemma - another dilemma!

"anyone who denies the Trinity is in danger of losing their salvation - but anyone who tries to understand the Trinity is in danger of losing their mind"

here's looking forward to Pastor Brad teaching on the Trinity in the coming months (which he was planning before i found out about this class's content), and our church beginning to explicitly wrestle with this doctrine and its implications for our faith.

WeddingSongs on the horizon...

2008-01-19T14:37:00.000-05:00

being a poor married man, i don't have the pocket change to put into a recording project. However, i really want to begin recording the WeddingSongs EP that i've talked about for months now... so in order to get the ball rolling, i'm taking Pre-orders for the EP. I think i'm gonna go with $10 for the price, and for pre-orders that will include shipping.

if you're interested, contact me through facebook or e-mail and i'll let you know the address for checks and the timeline for release.

songs to be included on EP:

Awake (written for Caleb and Adrienne)

Living (for Jason and Meg)

Here and Now (for Josh and Lisa)

to Unity (for Andrew and Laura Kate)

Sarah Jean (take a guess)

and

Untitled Song (for Dustin and Amanda)

i'd like to give a free copy to each of the couples mentioned, so if you can help me through pre-ordering, that would be awesome! at the very least, pray that God will provide the funds for me to realize this project

i speak too soon

2008-01-10T22:05:00.001-05:00

so... i had to watch Grey's Anatomy tonight

Derek sang with Caedmon's for the last 4 minutes

and there was no sex scene! just lots of talk about relationships based in sex.

i watched Rhett and Link LIVE while my wife watched the silly show

blogging spurt

2008-01-10T16:34:00.001-05:00

i'm gonna take advantage of my current desire to post because i know that it'll be short-lived. That's just the nature of my blogging.

I'm sitting here in the Chocolate Bean in Fuquay (support local business), mooching off their free internet connection, reflecting on a conversation I just had with a good friend.

The gist of the portion i'm reflecting on: broken relationships suck.

I've been involved in the lives of two young men @ Grace, and both of them are suffering from broken relationships - both are victims of fathers who abruptly left. As providence would have it, this is something i can identify with. I don't know how much my brother has intentionally thought about the effects of our father's foolishness on our family and individuality, but i know that i've wrestled with the fatherlessness issue for the past 8+ years. Sometimes i'm wrestling wiht it pretty intentionally, sometimes i feel like i'm being choked out, but i haven't tapped yet. I'm willing to continue to fight for a restored relationship, and it seems like that may actually be on the horizon.

for these young men, though, it's not even the picture. one young man will never have it as an option on earth, but he can cling to a very important Hope. the other can still cling to a kind of hope that is more temporal, but his father is thoroughly delinquent. Suffering with them through this last year has given me a lot on which to reflect (hey... i should do a new years' type post)

but back to my recent conversation in the aforementioned Chocolate Bean. I have been able to reflect on this friend's suffering in a particular broken relationship because, yet again, i can identify with the kind of brokenness. Break-ups are largely messy, painful, awkward, confusing, and entirely too common. On Grey's freakin' Anatomy, the breakups are frequent and frequently smoothed over with casual sex - what a ridiculously INaccurate perspective we are feeding ourselves. I can't hate a show that plays a Derek Webb song to intro, however, so i won't say anything else negative about Grey's. i just won't watch it with my wife if i can help it.

his particular breakup has caused the significant other to be significantly bitter and spiteful. Of course, i only got one side of the narrative here in the Chocolate Bean, but i trust that God has given me a discernment for some things, this being one of them. I was once the bitter recipient of a breakup talk, but i was not spiteful... and ultimately bitterness takes a strong root and ruins a lot of other relationships if it is not quickly dealt with.. nipped in the bud, as it were...

I hope that should any of my friendships, or even my marriage, suffer from brokenness that God will use the community of faith of which i am a part to counsel me, console me, and rebuke me as necessary.

GOD IS NOT PLEASED with BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS.

do whatever you can to bring healing and wholeness to any relationship of which you are a part.

even if YOU were the one HURT.

even if YOU did the hurting.

please God with your thoughts, words, and actions that lead to wholeness and reconciliation. we have all been given the ministry of reconciliation, after all

more delinquency

2008-01-08T19:47:00.000-05:00

i definitely should have posted since september... but oh well. what can i say?

i'm getting used to being a husband - a very tough calling, but i love my wife more and more through all of our silly experiences and our intense adventures.

i'm serving in a church family where 3 individual families are struggling with 3 separate and yet potentially terminal brain tumors and their effects.

their respective blogs are:

Pastor Brad

Elyse Fenerty

Cali Moody

i'm cleaning up poop from a new doggie. if she wasn't so cute, i'd probably be pretty mad most of the times i come home and smell the welcome-home present...

i'm wrestling with several books: Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, There Is a God by Antony Flew, and several graphic novels (changes weekly)

I'll be auditing a class this semester at Campbell Divinity School, so i'll hopefully have a few more opportunities to blog in the near future... everyone uses a laptop in class, right?

there are a lot of blogs that i'll hit when i need something to think about, but i will save those links for another time. hopefully i'll get around to putting something thought-provoking up here soon.

delinquent

2007-09-21T14:10:00.001-05:00

apparently, i must apologize for the few people each week who have been hitting up this blog...

i'll get in a spurt where i feel like writing... and then life will slap me upside the face and i'll lose track of the blog, my music website, etc., and get caught up in trying to help my wife plan our wedding or being a minister in ways i hadn't anticipated or playing in way too many other weddings...

but i like all of those things, too

it's just that as a consequence, the frequency of blogging will definitely suffer.

here's what eats at my brain during my down time -
www.xanga.com/intellectualspirit

i hope he won't mind me saying, (too late now if you're reading these words), but that is the link to my brother's blog. It is a pseudo-personal blog, where at some times he recounts personal experiences, and at all times he is articulating his personal worldview, but he maintains an air of objectivity that may or may not be valid.
CAUTION: if you have not already spent significant time thinking critically about your faith, your spirituality, and/or your worldview, DO NOT click on that link. My brother is an agnostic/atheist/naturalist/humanist/deconstructionist/nice person.
see how silly labels are?
anyway, he comes from the same environment as I do, but after High School we entered very different environments, and our temperaments are markedly different, so although he can cite similar experiences and accurately satirize conservative Evangelicalism, be careful to consider his words with counsel.

Over the past year, I have engaged him in dialogue off and on, sometimes beneficial, sometimes fruitless. at almost any given time, however, if you were to ask me what i am thinking about while i'm sitting on my couch watching the Colbert Report (sad times when i have to stop getting cable in Dec.), or as i am reading Robert Webber or Shane Claiborne or especially Orson Scott Card, i am thinking about my brother and i am thinking about the Gospel.

for me to adequately post a response to one of HIS posts, or even to answer one of his e-mails, it takes an enormous amount of time (this coming from a very impatient young man) and an extraordinary amount of effort for me to respond with concision and clarity... so i may go for months without posting here on this space, but i've contemplated writing on his blog for a few weeks in a row and written some drafts, for example.

anyways... just a little glimpse into my mental struggles as a new husband/pastor/songwriter/video game player (halo 3 in 3 days!!)

reminisce

2007-09-20T19:26:00.000-05:00

when i was a freshman at CU...

there was no stoplight

there was NO coffee ANYWHERE

Sauls was a girls dorm

there were 2 RAs per floor

people pulled AWEsome pranks on campus
(harassment of public safety, frequent raids on women's campus, blatant noise violations)

there was no cable in the dorm rooms

the internet was JUST added to each room

Halo had not come out yet (nor had the xbox, actually)

Napster was just a twinkle in someone's eye

iTunes? what?

Monday Night Bible Study was uber-calvinist (well, the more things change...)

Chele's Place sold gummi bears

the student center rented videos - VHS, baby

Campus Crusade for Christ went from 35 to 300 people in one semester

Britney Spears was still cute and innocent, and on posters in many a dorm room

marshbanks' only edible food was chicken fingers

RAs could write parking tickets (until one wrote a ticket for Wiggins' car)

the floors creaked in D. Rich, and it smelled like a mixture of bat poo and mildew

Burkot Boys became legend

grown-up

2007-05-23T13:04:00.000-05:00

fiction: age plus life experience ALWAY equals maturity

fact: age and life experience make acts of immaturity WAY more obvious

i thought that graduating, getting married, and working in a church community would put me in a new place, far away from the immaturity associated with some aspects of the college life. i was an RD for three years, so i think i've seen every possible act of male immaturity known to Buies Creek. it was ok at the time, but i'm trying to move past that, right?

well... i think i've just been forced to realize that immature actions and attitudes can come from ANYwhere... not just adolescent males. There are persons in my church community, with whom i have spent significant time (i think) and with whom i have developed pretty good relationships... but even still, immaturity exists. and like the fact/fiction statements at the top, immature actions and attitudes just seem SO much more silly in adults, since we expect maturity on all fronts!

before you get ready to point fingers at my finger-pointing, let me say that i am fully aware of my own lapses into immaturity, but usually in hindsight rather than in the moment. for those who have experienced this, i apologize! i have the feeling that marriage will shape me into a more mature minister, one way or another :-)

anyways - the "she said what about whom" kinds of comments do not cease after graduating college... harmful assumptions are whispered or e-mailed without regard for the more mature ways of dealing with the pertinent issues... and of course this is nothing new (there is nothing new under the sun), i just hoped for something different. let it be a sobering reminder to me, and anyone reading, that real spiritual/emotional maturity comes from seeking to glorify God, who reconciles us through the person of Jesus, as described in the gospel and the scriptures.

something i've been thinking

2007-03-31T15:29:00.000-05:00

English is Inadequate

There are so many things about the English language that are just plain silly. For instance, why do we drive on a parkway, but park in the driveway? What kind of language says something like that? Or how about this - we spell tomb, comb, and bomb all with the same 3 last letters, but each word makes a very different sound when spoken! How confusing English is for our kids learning how to spell. When we make a word plural, usually we can just add an “s” at the end. What is the plural of “ox?” Well… not “oxs,” but “oxen.” So, what is the plural of “box?” Let’s see… not “boxen,” but “boxes.” What is the plural of “goose?” Why, that’s “geese,” of course. What is the plural of “moose?” Uh oh… um, “moosen?” “Meese?” “Mooses?”

I stole all of those thoughts from comedians. I love a good stand-up comedian, someone who uses cleverness and irony to change perspective on everyday events. There are many crass and inappropriate comedians in popular culture, but there are a few who use their creativity to point out interesting observations of everyday life, like those indicating the inadequacy of the English language. Now, don’t get me wrong - I’m not advocating that we speak another language instead of English, like Spanish or French… there’s no telling how some of us did with those languages in High School or college… well, maybe I would like to speak another language, in a way… I’ll explain that a bit more later.

When I was in Divinity School at Campbell, I missed the opportunity to take Hebrew (one of the languages in which the Bible is written). I made up for this in a way by taking a class on the Psalms, where we studied the structure and meaning of the Psalms as a whole and as individual works. The concept of ‘parallelism’ in Hebrew poetry doesn’t really translate into English - I learned that lines that sound repetitive or redundant in the English language translation of the Psalms are actually very powerful and meaningful lines in the original Hebrew writing of the Psalms. Maybe we should all learn Hebrew, since English is inadequate! Later in that same class, we came across a word called hesed that doesn’t really translate well into English. The word hesed is translated sometimes as “kindness,” a word that doesn't carry as much weight in English as it does in Hebrew. When I think of “kind” people, it doesn’t make me think of a characteristic of God, necessarily - I just think about being “nice.” It is also translated “lovingkindness” in several places. That’s a word we don’t use everyday! But, this particular word is used over 180 times in the New American Standard translation of the Bible. Hesed can be translated as “steadfast love,” “love,” or “mercy” as well, and “steadfast love” shows up 202 times in the English Standard Version. Hesed is a very potent word, and when it is translated into any single English word, I think it’s losing some if its power.

But what does hesed REALLY mean? It is the aspect of God’s love that is praised over and over in Psalm 136 (look it up!). Hesed is ‘love that manifests itself not in emotion, but in compassionate action.’ That is a love worth praising, indeed! This word, this love, that the English language struggles to translate, is a concept that might even be too big for the Hebrew language, or for the Greek language, or for Latin, or ANY language for that matter. I propose that English is inadequate because this ‘love’ or hesed can only be truly defined when we LIVE it. Hesed is the word for God’s compassionate action toward us, His faithfulness to move and work on our behalf, for His glory. Hesed is the example that God, through Jesus, has set for us. However, we can write about it until we run out of words, we can talk about it until we are out of breath, we can try as hard as we want to define God’s love with our statements and articles, but the example of hesed that we have been given proves to us that our love for God and love for our community can only be defined when we act.

So, the language that I think we all should speak, instead of English, is… Hebrew. No, we should speak to one another in compassionate action, in loving movement. In hugs, smiles, tears, and service. In sacrifice, patience, brokenness, and truth. We should share meals together, invite our neighbors over, and proclaim God’s glory in our loving actions. I think that would be a pretty adequate language, don’t you?

freedom isn't free

2007-03-07T10:44:00.000-05:00

isn't that an awkward phrase? i'm sure it's part of some country song, and that's how it worked its way into the collective conservative consciousness. I mean, i suppose it's catchy on the one hand... but it's so vague!
i believe the intent is to say: the political/capitalist freedoms we have aren't free of cost... rather, men and women daily pay with their lives for us to continue to practice our chosen political and economical freedoms here in the United States.
i can certainly agree with this.

however...

I've been thinking about this phrase from a completely different angle for a few days - 'freedom' is DEFINITELY not 'free,' particularly in the sense of the word 'freeing.' I do not feel very free when i pause to consider the full ramifications of such a powerful word. Although I am 'free' to vote for whom i should choose, and free to shop until i'm firmly entrenched in debt, and free to cash paychecks as a minister of the Gospel, and i'm free to wear my cross necklace and pray before meals in public... i feel bound by so many other things. I feel enslaved to things much other than Christ.
I am bound to my car payment, my insurance payments, my video game addiction, my comic books... all of these are consequences of capitalist economy... so in a way, our 'freedom' has led to my 'enslavement' to very non-spiritual things. So, economic and political freedoms are not freeing.

When Jesus talks of 'freedom,' He is not speaking of economic freedom to be able to buy and sell what makes us happy; nor is He talking about political freedom where we can vote if we want, we can worship where we want when we want, we can debate tough moral issues without punishment... that's not part of Jesus' message. Rather, He promises us that we will be persecuted, if i remember correctly...
The freedom that Jesus brings is a freedom from self, selfishness, self-centeredness... Jesus was focused on the 'Other,' and taught that in the other, we find our self. For instance, if we lose our life, we will gain it, or when we 'go the extra mile' or become the servant of all... we are focusing on the other, but realizing our true self. This is not compatible with Western notions of freedom.
The freedom that Jesus brings is pictured when the rich young ruler comes to Jesus, he is told to SELL all of his stuff and give it to the poor, and THEN he will be ready to follow Jesus. I don't think i've heard that passionately preached in an american church... that kind of freedom is just too costly! i've heard that passage read, and that story told, but i don't think i've ever heard those principles taught with passion and clear articulation. if they have, it just hasn't sunk into me for some reason... perhaps because the things i 'own' have desensitized me to their lack of spiritual value.

when will i realize that all i am and all i have is all a gift from God?
(don't let the fact that i just ripped off a Chris Tomlin lyric distract from the truth of the statement)

of course, i'm not advocating vows of poverty... i believe there is a way to be a spiritually-minded, American, Christian... i just don't think i am 'free,' and i certainly don't know as many people who are free through Jesus as i do who are politically/economically free.

and i'm talking about 'Christians'

Arrangements

2007-03-01T14:14:00.000-05:00

this is a word that i'm starting to get annoyed with...

i have to make "wedding arrangements"

i have to re-"arrange" my office

i have to make flight/lodging "arrangements" for a show coming up and for the honeymoon...

i am forever "arranging" my schedule to fit my hectic lifestyle.

what i'm trying to decide is: does there come a point when things are sufficiently "arranged?"

Will i ever truly sit back in my chair behind an organized desk chair and say "Yes... this is arranged."
When 5 minutes later i'll need to grab a pen from the far side of my desk, knocking my Bojangles sweet tea, jumping up to grab it and slide around the desk while leaving my computer up and running , and a song halfway printed in the printer, with two sermon copies sliding out of the copier as i bump it on my way out the door... so much for arrangement!

perhaps what it takes is the discipline to continue arranging, in and through the circumstances...

sometimes i think that's what happens to my "life" arrangements as well... i think i have everything figured out, and apportioned properly, and prioritized correctly, and some shiny object distracts me just long enough so that when i look back, nothing really looks right anymore. The shiny object recently has been 'mortality' as displayed so poetically in the life of Linda Talley. In light of her testimony to God's relationship with mankind, do i really have my priorities arranged? do they stand to be rearranged as well as my office furniture and schedule?

perhaps i need to discipline myself to keep my changing priorities and growing schedule arranged in such a way that despite the schedule, and despite the circumstances, God is pleased with how i live, speak, and act.

Lenten thoughts

2007-02-22T01:20:00.000-05:00

i've been told that i'm not supposed to talk about my Lenten fast, but i think that we protestants don't talk about fasting enough! and we certainly don't practice it. it's probably the whole "fundamentalist" stigma associated with the practice, or perhaps "traditionalist" stigma or something of that nature. we, the individualized, isolationist, elitist American Christians are just too busy and too medicated to attempt any sort of fasting that would mean fasting actual FOOD... i mean, that's just not healthy!
good thing that Jesus' fast in scripture is just a metaphor...

(i'm a tad sarcastic there)

and here we are in the season of Lent, where we take the metaphor of Jesus' fast and turn it back, focusing on His suffering as we "suffer" through a fast of a sort.
I truly do not consider Jesus' suffering on my behalf very often, because it's more comfortable to think about my own suffering, and how to end it - through good food, good times, and ignorant bliss. "life is duhka," as most practitioners of hindu or buddhist religion would say... i find it fascinating that eastern religions seek to end suffering in a spiritually holistic way, unity of atman with brahman at 'best,' nirvana at 'worst,' and we in the west prefer ignorance of suffering - we change the channel, or turn off the radio, or read a different magazine, whatever makes us feel better.
a fast from food forces one to consider those things otherwise ignored, amplified by the clamor of the physical body struggling with the spiritual self...
I truly hope that the fast i have chosen for Lent this year teaches me to consider Jesus' suffering, maybe not in the same way that a Jesuit would dwell on Jesus' pain, but something close...

and... we're back!

2007-02-13T11:05:00.000-05:00

so... it's been like 9 months...

that's enough to gestate SOMEthing of note, i hope.

right now, i'm in the middle of helping Pastor Brad work on his thoughts, and put them online, and i'm interacting with my brother, trying to figure out how to live out faith and reason together.

anyone still reading this?

you waited, and it's HERE

2006-04-27T12:38:00.000-05:00

a NEW post

while i'm in my last collegiate class
ever

what a strange feeling. i think i'm pretty numb to it.

just finished my last CUW, as well... that was a strange feeling too, but an altogether good feeling. i never have to force someone to worship anymore! if they're worshipping, it'll be their CHOICE to worship with me, as opposed to their obligation.
what a relief.

ok, i'm gonna do the professor's evaluation now
(always my favorite part)

going out with a bang

2006-02-23T15:36:00.000-05:00

this semester has been interesting so far, and doesn't seem to be letting up at all...

for one of my classes, i "have" to watch the Daily Show, the O'Reilly Factor, and Anderson Cooper 360. While i am watching, i have to keep track of a few things - the context, the content, the advertisements, and any religious terms or stories... my basic thesis is - "if i were completely unfamiliar with religion of any kind, what kind of religion would i end up with if i watched these shows?"

i just wanted a reason to watch the daily show, actually.

and the colbert report, of course.

my spring break plans are stressing me out... i want to help out in Gulfport, Mississippi, but it feels like i would be able to do more toward finding a place to live or getting a new car or deciding on my job, if i had a few days with no work or div school work to do....

the consequences of reading for class

2006-02-02T14:02:00.000-05:00

Now that i'm doing my reading ahead of time... i'm bored in class. that's the ONLY reason i'm doing this crap... not because Melinda dropped my name...

Three Names You Go By
1. Gazelle
2. Cavid Dalvert
3. Jedi RoCkStar

Three Things That Scare You
1. dancing in public
2. people who intentionally lie
3. failure (re: #1)

Three of Your Everyday Essentials
1. hairdryer
2. naptime
3. new music... either to listen to or write

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. One Campaign bracelet
2. 4-year-old rainbows previously worn by a Canadian
3. one of my myriad thrift store shirts

Three of Your Favorite Drinks:
1. root beer
2. Bojangles' Sweet Tea
3. cran-apple juice

Three of Your Favorite Songs - at the moment
1. Yahweh - U2
2. May the Few - Shane & Shane
3. Politik - Coldplay

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
1. deep conversation
2. spiritual accountability
3. security

Two Truths and a Lie
1. The femur is the strongest bone in the body
2. I spend 20 minutes on my hair each morning
3. i was once tested for cancer

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. reading graphic novels
2. writing songs
3. playing xbox with middle schoolers on xbox live

Three Things You want to do really badly right now
1. write a new song
2. shop for a new car
3. run my hands through Sarah's hair

Three Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Atlanta
2. Edinburgh, Scotland
3. Santiago, Dominican Republic

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. record a CD professionally
2. have dinner with Bono
3. tell my son I'm proud of him (when/if i have a son)

Three Ways that you are stereotypically a Chick/Guy
1. i got excited when Sting made a recent comeback in TNA, professional wrestling.
2. i am never wrong
3. i hate being lost and/or late, but i'd rather be lost or late than admit i screwed up... maybe this is the same as #2...

Three people I would like to see take this quiz
1. Sarah... still gettin to know how she thinks...
2. my brother Danny... to compare
3. Caleb... to see if any of his answers could actually be interesting

paradox strikes again

2006-01-29T22:03:00.000-05:00

as i sit here, pondering the decisions that will have the most consequences and carry the most responsibility i've had in my entire life...

i find myself grieving over my failures. some recent, some past.
and, strangely, i'm thinking about the failures of my father, and how those affect me... and how i'm so afraid of living them out in my own life.

i've come face to face with my selfishness again, and it makes me sick to my stomach. i don't know how to love myself, and i have a bad feeling that is going to affect how or if i can love other people the ways i should.

16 days!

2006-01-26T13:16:00.000-05:00

so i'm definitely slacking on this blogness.

and you know why???

for the first time that i can think of, undergraduate AND graduate work included, i'm actually reading for my classes.
Granted, we've only had two weeks of class... but i've READ all my work, before class time! I think that something has dawned on me... i'm going to be OUT of the classroom in 4 months, probably for the REST OF MY LIFE... and for some reason, i actually care at the moment. i am paying for this, after all, and maybe i want to get my money's worth finally.
so, in my quest to be read-up for class, i've neglected my blog, my songwriting, and most of my videogaming... what's happening to me?!?

i definitely need to write a new song.

last night at Campus Crusade, there was a lot of movement by the Holy Spirit. Movement toward love, reconciliation, and true discipleship.

hmm... almost two weeks this time

2006-01-10T11:42:00.000-05:00

instead of blogging, i've been watching Firefly... i can't believe i missed this show when it was on TV... oh wait... i don't have time to watch TV when decent stuff is on.
So, instead of getting sucked into "Lost" or "Desperate Housewives" or "24," i just got sucked into Joss Whedon's Firefly and Serenity universe.

i doubt i'll get into buffy or angel, but Firefly is top-notch. i love a good ensemble cast and lots of sarcasm.

but i don't love self-righteous, condemning "Christians"

i can totally understand why good friends of mine don't like the Church or the people that make it up... sometimes i hate the way "Christians" who never sin treat the other Christians they don't understand or agree with. it's ridiculous, and hurtful, and divisive.

and nothing like Christ.

so it takes me 10 days

2005-12-29T13:25:00.000-05:00

that's my average length between posts... partly because i don't have a whole lot on my mind other than job hunting and updating my iPod...

wow... it sounds really trendy to say that...

it's so strange to be planning out my last semester of college education... planning where i'll start looking for a home, thinking about all of the bills that i'll soon be paying (and the tuition i WON'T be worrying about), envisioning the different ministries i could be involved with after i graduate... seems like only a few months ago i was wondering whether or not to go to grad school.

i wrote another wedding song... and i really think that all 3 i've written so far are very distinct... but i guess i'd need another perspective of that for confirmation.

no other random thoughts in my head. i'm going to read Relevant Magazine now.

danger in assumption

2005-12-19T11:25:00.000-05:00

the tagline to my blog has been a line from a book i read called The Active Life by Parker Palmer. it deals with a dangerous assumption - that we are alone, and that there is not enough for our needs. In a community, and especially in the Christian community, there is more than enough! We are in a place of abundance even though we might feel alone and thus assume based on that emotional response...

assumption in ANY context is very dangerous.

i have been the victim of assumption because of my place in public ministry. for various reasons that can be broken down psychologically and analyzed from a counseling standpoint, people derive a kind of pleasure from assuming things about me character and ministry, and then talking about that.
i am thankful for the few who have actually talked to ME about these assumptions.
but a second-hand "fact" (isn't that an oxymoron?) recounted in passing conversation does not allow for an accurate assumption (again, an oxymoron...)

i have nothing to hide, especially from the Christian community.

i am not fond of dealing with the effects of others' assumptions in my life and relationships. frank, honest communication is the answer, and the doorway to abundance...

connecting the dots

2005-12-16T14:55:00.000-05:00

my relationships draw an interesting picture when all the lines are connected...

there's a pretty intricate web at campbell, from students to faculty to administration to coaches
then
all of the graduates... the ones in Raleigh, the ones in India or the Dominican Republic, the ones in Florida or D.C. ...
then
the kids from HS that i still keep in touch with, in Oklahoma, or Virginia, or New York
and
my family - from Illinois to Northern VA to Dunn to Florida
and
my friends - people in ministry or in performance art or other jobs that have taken them across the country, or to Fuquay-Varina.

as i was reflecting on things to be thankful for, i couldn't help but imagine the picture that developed as i envisioned connecting all the relationships i've formed

give it a try, if you never have before... imagine yourself looking at a map, tracing lines to all the people you have touched or who have touched you. in most cases, it might get overwhelming.

i have no social life, and no sense of community... so i'll make a group on facebook!

2005-12-07T21:40:00.000-05:00

a kid here at CU hit a new low...
first of all, he prank called me a few weeks ago, and it was a pretty weak prank call as far as those go... i've been here for a while and been present for or recipient of some REALLY good ones. this one was weak.
second of all, he made a group on facebook about me. of course, he refers to "calvert university worship" and he says i'm fake, and that i have a huge ego (stop nodding in agreement at this point), and that i just use CUW as a platform for my multiplatinum CD. i'm a hypocrite, and i personally choose all of the speakers for CUW (one of whom was this kid's DAD) for the expressed purpose of shoving my personal faith on everyone that has to sit there. Oh, and i am growing my hair to look like Jesus, and i must be 25.

well... i'm not 25... yet...

and so i am growing my hair out... if it looks dumb, just tell me to my face! i'd probably take it seriously then.

i do not personally choose all the speakers, and thus it is impossible for me to have any agenda. I appreciate those who see that the issue with CUW is deeper than me or TM. See, there's this guy named Dr. Wallace. He is the president of the University. He gets to do whatever he wants. Sometimes, he wants people who have given a LOT of money to speak in CUW. I have to say 'yes.'

i have mentioned my CD... one time in 15 CUW services. i apologize if this came across as promotion, it was not my intent. i think it's fair to mention when a song is originally written and if it has been recorded.

but on to the deeper issue here...

this young man has never had a conversation with me. He has never said "hello" to me. He has never sat at a table with me to share a meal. He has never come to my apartment, which isn't too far from his ghetto. He has never come to see me at work. He's never IMed me, never called me other than to prank, never e-mailed me unless he's pranking that as well...
so, my question is, WHO ARE YOU? what are you doing judging me? what gives you the right to make so many assumptions?
well, let's back it up a bit. If this young man is a Christian, then there are different rules at play than if he is not a follower of Christ's teachings.
If he is a Christian, his actions are completely hypocritical, ironically enough. A Christian is to speak the truth in love, and nothing about this facebook trash is in love. A Christian is to speak words of encouragement, and if necessary, loving rebuke. Nothing about this incident is encouraging to me or to the body of Christ. Nothing about the rebuke, if that's what it is, is either truthful OR loving. For a pastor's son, this kid shows very little working knowledge of how to live in Christian community.
If he's not a Christian, though, this is a little more understandable. I imagine that I can come across as intimidating... until you actually KNOW me... But, if we assume that this young man is not a follower of Christ's teaching, then there is no room for me to expect love, tolerance, understanding, compassion, or maturity.
Instead, it is perfectly natural for me to be experiencing jealousy, pride, selfishness, anger, bitterness, and other results of the flesh.

i have to remind myself that not everyone at this university is a follower of the Way or the Truth. i have to remind myself that not all of this is intended to be personal, but it very well might be the projections of someone struggling with their own identity and lack of maturity and issues of jealousy.

if you know who i'm talking about, or you ARE who i'm talking about, please call me for real, or IM me, or come see me. I have dorm drinks and junk food i'd love to share, and a couch that many people agree is pretty comfortable. please don't take offense at my sarcasm, especially the unnecessarily sarcastic moments, but instead recognize my pain and the depth of my frustration.
I am only fake when you have never spoken to me.
I am only a hypocrite when you assume you know everything

I am only 25 if you do your math wrong

take our community seriously, and be real. be honest. don't be a bodiless facebook name.

loathing in buies creek

2005-11-21T01:32:00.000-05:00

*disclaimer*
this is an unedited, venting post. comments leading to dialogue are welcome. assumptions are not. i just needed to write, and this is where it ended up.
*disclaimer*

i hate who i am sometimes.

i know i am 'fearfully and wonderfully made' and all that, and that i am called according to His purpose.

i still have to wonder, though, what sort of purpose sexuality is supposed to play in all of this.

How many ministers, or just believers!, have "fallen" to sexual sins (too many variations to mention)...? is sexuality that powerful? are we as humans so weak? what is it that God has really fashioned in us when He fashioned someone's "mojo" or "libido" or "sexual drive" or "horniness" or whatever you prefer to call it... how is it appropriately worked into one's life, before, during and after marriage?

i cannot begin to describe the sexual frustrations of a young believer, raised in a conservative Christian context, within the broader American sex-driven media context... teased with sexual hints and propaganda, flirtatious behavior and/or attitudes, faced with flippant ethical justifications of sexual exploration, mocked by blatant glorification of that which the "conservative Christian" is supposed to detest and avoid.

i can't get away from it. i can't detest or loathe something that is so pervasive that people who are not force-fed scriptural proof-texts CANNOT recognize as wrong... i end up loathing myself. I end up living in a perpetual wrestling match, playing the role of Sisyphus pushing back against the sexual nature of humanity but never gaining ground.

the FREEDOM that i have experienced in other areas of my spirituality seems to be separate from sexuality... the redemption that i know in my relationship with God through Jesus Christ sometimes just doesn't seem to reach to my sexual tensions...

how long, oh Lord?

how long will you hide Your face from me?

be not far off, but come quickly to Your servant.

i want to learn to love myself as God has proved to love me. even the parts i fight with and am utterly confused by.

snowballing

2005-11-19T00:19:00.000-05:00

it's starting to get colder

it snowed in chicago recently, according to cubbie

and with the cold weather, ironically, my work begins to snowball... starting with a few flakes in August, things started to roll together starting in September until suddenly, without much warning, i feel like i'm caught up in a massive, unstoppable beast of a snowball moving at a pace over which i have NO control...

here's hoping i don't smash into something or someone until the end of the semester

how do i top this?

2005-11-09T12:45:00.000-05:00

shows i've seen so far this year -

Anberlin
Copeland
Mute Math
Coldplay
Switchfoot
Justin McRoberts
Eisley
Thrice
Underoath
Relient K
MxPx
House of Heroes

and coming NEXT...

U2

i don't believe that there is any way i can see a better group of artists in 2006. i think the only way to top it is if i have the opportunity to OPEN for these artists :-)

if you haven't heard of any of the above-mentioned bands, you should definitely check out their respective website. if the style of music isn't your taste, at least give their lyrics a browse... you might be surprised at how much of it resonates.

sometime very soon

2005-11-09T00:16:00.000-05:00

i will have time to post the things i've been thinking and experiencing

in the meantime

check out revtmnewell.blogspot.com
or
whattomsays.blogspot.com
or
grategatsby.com

for some interesting blogging

walking more slowly

2005-10-26T10:04:00.000-05:00

i'm not very smart

i drove to FCA last night, but when i left around 10, i had this thought in my head that i needed to walk back

so my car sat in the 30min parking all night

no ticket

but i'm very glad i walked. The crisp night air was refreshing... i thought about what Samar shared during FCA... i prayed specifically for some people i'd been meaning to mention in prayer... and as i hit academic circle, i started to slow my pace, almost unconsciously.
My eyes swept the landscape, and my mind pulled me back to memories from the past 6 years - walks around the circle with sisters, sitting up in the OLD D. Rich and watching people from the ledge of the stairwell, sitting on the steps of taylor on nights just a little bit warmer listening to teachers at Monday Night Bible Study, propped up against the giant tree reading for my next class, walking through the grass with my sandals off ignoring the stupid bricks, running from the bookstore to my class with a new scantron in hand...

even if the face of this place changes, i think i'll always have those vivid snapshots in my head. at least, i hope i will.

if you ever catch me turning slow circles in academic circle with a bemused look on my face - give me a little nudge so i wake up from my senility and get back to where i'm supposed to be.

i also realized i like praying for people, and i need to be more intentional about doing it. in so many cases, it's the only thing i CAN do for the people i care about.

the downside of the internet

2005-10-21T12:16:00.000-05:00

one of the downsides to blogging, specifically...

i like comments... i think they can be insightful and creative.

i don't like anonymous comments. they are generally foolish and recently, they've been indicative of the poor reading-comprehension skills of some blog browsers...

i'm not flattering myself. if you can read this last blog and think that in ANY WAY i use this blogging crap to build up my ego or flatter myself, please read a book.

if you wish to rebuke me, i welcome it. Psalm 141 says "let a righteous man strike me - it is a kindness. let him rebuke me, it is oil on my head." If you feel that an attitude, an action, or a behavior of mine hinders the Kingdom of God, tears down community instead of building it, or displays selfishness instead of love, then please tell me.

but
not
in
an
anonymous
comment.

for the time being, i'll leave them up. you have a name, don't be afraid to use it.

from what i've been told...

2005-10-21T01:45:00.000-05:00

nothing makes you more aware of your own selfishness than marriage

this is what i hear from my married friends, anyway.

i am convinced of my own selfishness in ALL my relationships, however. i find that unconsciously, my own desires carry more weight than those of my neighbors or even my loved ones. my subtle actions, passing phrases... upon examination, i see that i'm basically maneuvering things to suit ME.

this kind of inbred selfishness is most obvious when i consider my "romantic" relationships, of course. i'm telling myself, and her, that i "only want what is best for you" or "i want you to be happy"...
but what shocks me upon reflection is that even when saying THESE things, other parts of my mind are working hard at figuring out how i can get what i want while still having the appearance of pursuing what's best for her.

i cannot express how much i long to be free of this selfishness. i don't want to fight it every waking moment anymore. i don't want to be shocked at the depravity of my humanity anymore - i want to finally be fully transformed into someone who lifts others up ALL the time, who completely and truly pursues the desires of loved ones first, who doesn't require attention but instead gives it entirely to others.
this process of transformation... sanctification, to use a lofty word... this journey of Christian spirituality... there are so few points where i feel like i've "got it." there are so many times when i feel like i'm failing.

it's entirely possible that i'm supposed to fail, and in that failure more clearly recognize my need for the person of Jesus.

this kind of post obviously needs to be a conversation, not just a one-sided pity party. but, it's freaking late and no one is up or has the energy to hear about it, so leave it to the internet to provide some catharsis :-)

so i'm a slacker

2005-10-16T22:16:00.000-05:00

i really should have posted some of my thoughts from this week's journeys to the Hindu Temple, the Buddhist Temple, the Hare Krishna Temple, the Muslim Mosque, the Unity Church of Raleigh, and the discussion with the Scientologist...

but instead, if you're curious, you'll just have to catch me at lunch or dinner and ask me about it. really fascinating stuff, though.

i'm encouraged in my choice to pursue Christian Education... we are so uneducated in the Church! there is such a lack of solid theology... such a lack of awareness of the cultural and ethnic contexts in which we live...
how else would people get sucked out of a Baptist church and into the Unity Church (which practices shamanism, believes in incarnation, and denies the resurrection of Jesus)...? or, how would a sensible, intelligent woman consider Christian spirituality not "deep" enough, and find contentment in Hare Krishna community?
I believe it is because we are not educating in our churches. We, the Church, have this tendency to reserve our critical thinking skills to our vocation ONLY, employing little if any problem-solving skills when it comes to the life of the Church. Are we aware of the Mormon's who live and work with us, and how to meet their spiritual and physical needs? Would we even know how they believe differently? Are we aware of the cultural needs of an Arab or Indian in this part of North Carolina? If so, how could our church meet their spiritual needs, AFTER we've met their cultural and physical ones?

how many Chrisitans do you, or I, know who have actually had a conversation with a Muslim, or a Hindu...? fewer than we want to admit.

unrelated

www.chrismcleodmusic.com

check this kid out... impressive. (i grew up with him and his older brother)

also unrelated

i think 'Morning View' by Incubus has to be one of the best albums of the past 10 years. can't say the same for the rest of their stuff... but that one disc could stay in my rotation for weeks and i wouldn't feel any need to remove it.

somewhat related to that...
here's the other 4 i'd put in my CD player for extended rotation
Morning View by Incubus
The Best of the Police
You Should Be Living by twothirtyeight
The best of 1980-1990 by U2
Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot

hmm... sounds like a good mix for the paper i should be typing right now (the Church's reponse to the rise of Islam and the advance of Muslims)

peace

look me in the eye

2005-10-06T13:09:00.000-05:00

i'm a fan of eye contact.

whether people are familiar or not with the concept of the eyes being the windows to the soul... it appears to be a deep truth. only the most confident, established, practiced liars can hold meaningful eye contact and speak an untruth. all the rest of us are quickly revealed in our lies by our eyes.

there's something grounding about it, too... maybe in the same way that speaking someone's name can bring a moment into focus. When i am otherwise mentally or emotionally distracted or distraught, eye contact brings me back to the reality of the matter at hand, reminding me of my responsibility to myself and to those around me (my friends, my community).

i used to be pretty picky about eyes - i had the whole "i want a girl with this color eyes" line on my intangible 'checklist.' the more people i meet, however, male AND female, i find such a beauty in EVERYone's eyes... there is absolutely nothing bland about brown eyes... there are more shades of blue than i'd ever thought... i don't think anyone should EVER need color contacts... there is vast color already available in the spectrum of eyes i've seen...

hmm... here's another thought... eye contact grounds me and brings me into the immediate situation, helping me connect intimately... yet when i am leading worship, i keep my eyes closed almost ALL of the time, because when i make eye contact with someone in the congregation, i'm pulled toward them, and if i know them i find myself thinking about how their worship experience might be at the moment...
the plight of a worship leader, i suppose... (paradox time)... to be focused on the One deserving of our praise and attention, and also be responsible for the worship experience of the congregation gathered with me...

this is scientology

2005-10-04T15:31:00.000-05:00

i'm watching a DVD by that title in which a very practiced public speaker is sharing the goals and accomplishments of Scientology...

but he still hasn't said what it really is.

and i find myself wondering... where is the community here? they're certainly throwing up lots of impressive, hard-to-comprehend numbers regarding the results of their educational projects... but who is doing this? what are the people like? how are scientologists involved in their local community? how are they loving each other?

small groups are so important... fellowship in the home, across the dinner table, on a road trip, staring out into the night having a conversation until you completely lose track of time.

here's another paradox! as a Christian... i am called to love and work in an intimate community with the believers around me. And yet, i am also called to have a conscience that responds to the suffering of those around the world...

i'm not clever enough for today's title

2005-09-30T10:59:00.000-05:00

my brain is completely fried from lack of sleep and overwhelming circumstances...

but i am NOT complaining, by any means. i know i can get my school and church and work stuff done... my CD stuff is coming along without me even TRYING (except for the shameless plug here or there). my current relationships are... surprising and comforting and scary and exciting and beautiful and simple and ridiculously complicated all at once.

i'm struck by how many paradoxes (is that how you spell the plural?) show up in my life upon brief reflection. I am a leader of worship and a selfish moron. Christ is completely human and completely God. The Kingdom of God is here already, and not yet here. Loving is both truly freeing and deeply wounding. Responding to the way i feel is both simple and very difficult...

on second thought... maybe it's all the paradoxes in my head that have worn me down...

it's entirely possible that if i stop thinking about them and intentionally choose to live out of Love for others and for God, i'll be just fine

songs created

2005-09-26T15:49:00.000-05:00

so this one was written in about 5 minutes...

anyone else ever felt/feel this way?

the hardest part

with each breath
i could speak words that reveal or condemn me
reveal or condemn me
so i wait
biding my time, holding my tongue
seeking patience

beautiful pain
gripping my heart
choking me in raw emotion
hesitation
has one hand on my neck
and the other one is over my mouth

look at me
speak the truth like you promised you would do
can you hear
my thoughts racing
can you see through my eyes what they might be

so uneasy
so unsettling
but i cannot get enough
so unnerving
so exciting
anticipating your touch

you say you feel this too
but do you, do you?
you're standing so close to me
will i move
or will you?

thoughts, anyone?

songs revisited

2005-09-23T13:13:00.000-05:00

i forgot about this one. i think i'll re-do the music a bit and start playing it again.

ageless
ageless is the way i feel tonight
ageless are the words i want to say to you
ageless are the times when circumstances have conspired
to bring about a beauty so new

so ageless is the song i'm singing
the words might change
but it remains the same
there is no age for how i'm feeling
if it rings true
sing it back to me

countless are the times i've looked for you
countless are the times when seeing you made my day
Countless smiles, and countless times of joy
when i lose myself in your eyes

timeless - i take my cues from what i've already heard in poetry in song
ageless - my attempt to redefine what i feel in my heart and mind

anyone think i should revive this one?

i can't escape it

2005-09-22T21:01:00.000-05:00

i will always be affected by my parents' divorce.

'look at the marriage of Jesus -
the one He has been in for eternity, the one with the bride who sleeps around, never listens, disowns, scorns, dishonors, runs away, intentionally proves to be more interested in anything but her husband, is selfish and bears the children of every affair and the scent of every escapade.
It was a marriage that killed Jesus. And it was the Gospel that brought Him back to life to love once more.
Jesus endures the worst marriage of all. His bride nails Him to a cross, and there are no metaphors to compare His suffering to what we think we endure.'
dan hasteltine in relevant magazine

my father is a Christian. i know he will probably never read this. Why the hell couldn't he submit to Jesus' example.

why can't I.

free listen

2005-09-22T12:03:00.000-05:00

if you haven't bought my CD, but want a preview...

www.theresistanceishere.com

tell me what you think!

maybe this, maybe that

2005-09-20T22:03:00.000-05:00

i know many people who live in the "maybe's" of life... riding fences, to borrow an overused phrase... existing in the margins when there is a full page of deep color to be explored... passing over decisions and experiences because of indecision...

the truth is brutal.

often it is evaded... or omitted... because this helps us live in the 'maybe'...

i've had a hard time working out for myself how i feel about scripture, its authority, its infallibility, etc... but i do believe that it is True (that's a captial T, btw)... and this truth is made manifest in the person of Jesus...
the teachings of this Jesus, and his words and actions in relationship with other people, are beautiful in their simplicity and their power. Following the example of Jesus, and truly seeking after His mindset (Phil 2:5), builds a foundation of unity... a stable foundation that finds its cornerstones in community, honesty, purity, and action.
this kind of foundation doesn't leave room for living in the 'maybe'

and the kind of Truth that rebukes is certainly brutal.

simplify your life
hear Christ's call to conscience
engage your imagination
sing a song with a melody worth remembering
(quoted indirectly from Bono)
-from the sermon at Div. School convocation

i would add - be involved in the work of the Church, and in the life of the community.

no more room for 'maybe'

hooray responsibility

2005-09-18T13:01:00.000-05:00

for some reason, i find the red stripe commercials to be hilarious. i'm sure it has something to do with the exotic accent.

a good friend wrote an interesting song... lyrically interesting - we're collaborating on the music. this is actually the second collaboration i'm working on at the moment. in a way, both songs are lyrically related...

one song speaks of the judgment of the Lord... His righteous anger and holiness. There are so many "believers" who will align themselves with Christ when it suits them, but live something totally different when the benefits of Christ-like living run out.

in the other song... someone reflects on some recent incidents. a believer who has no sense of responsibility to her community, to her brothers especially. when the words fit, she would speak what was necessary to align with Christ and His Kingdom... but when the benefits of selfishness outweighed responsibility to healthy relationships, no one can make sense of what happened... maybe not even the girl in question...

i'm so thankful for friends who understand their responsibilities as FRIENDS, and as Christians.
those terms are more closely related than some of the latter would appear to live.
to be a friend to someone means that you can find happiness seeing the OTHER being happy.
why is that such a hard thing to ask from some?
i LOVE seeing other people being happy, smiling, enjoying themselves. That's why it's hard to kick people out of my apartment at reasonable hours... i can tell that my friends are enjoying each other, enjoying the fellowship, and even if i'm just watching or listening, i'm wonderfully content, and happy to watch. i think that fellowship is one of the most important parts of the Christian spiritual journey... at least, i know i don't want to walk it alone.

i still want you to walk with me, anyway ;-)

20,000

2005-09-11T13:49:00.000-05:00

i think that is the largest gathering of people i've ever been a part of... and i must say, it was pretty impressive.

to turn around from my seat and survey the PACKED hill behind me and the swarms of people entering and leaving and sitting and drinking and talking and laughing and smoking (mostly pot)... that in and of itself was a memorable experience.

but MAN... $70 was a cheap price to pay to hear and see songs performed so well, even with Chris Martin screwing up 'the Scientist' 3 times... he made up for it when he ran out into the audience during the encore and ended up 20' from Gaston and me... he was pretty sweaty...

i would like to play just ONCE for a crowd like that... and i don't care if they're smoking up or not...

just once

i have to admit...

2005-09-09T10:38:00.000-05:00

I do know a very few girls who have NOT lied to me. I apologize to the one(s) that are frustrated with my tone the last few posts.

Generalizations are just the easiest way to get a handle on something, and it's much easier for me to process that "all girls lie" than it is for me to have to treat each girl as an individual and put an equal amount of risk in every relationship i have... my selfishness would rather that i simply not trust and not risk...

and if i don't risk

i might miss something

but that's another point all together. back to my original thought...

i think it is possible to speak without lying. that it is possible to live for months, maybe years, without having to omit a truth or preach a falsehood. this is an ethical statement, but it is possible that truth is ALWAYS the preferred option, despite initial pain or confusion.

i have told the truth in several specific instances the past 4 months in which MUCH pain has been experienced... but i would not change those times of freedom and liberation for the bondage that otherwise would have resulted... with each lie, one is bound to maintain it to some degree. With each truth, one is further experiencing the Kingdom of God... and that sounds really lofty and philosophical, but it's real. With every opportunity to speak truth and experience honesty and authentic community, the Kingdom becomes more real, on this earth as it is in heaven...

so, i'm thankful for the people i know who speak truth, regardless of the difficulty or the pain. i'm thankful for the freedom i experience when being true to who God has called me to be.

and thank you to those ladies who have not lied to their young men...

pardon my bitterness ONE last time (i promise)

2005-09-07T09:37:00.000-05:00

i have seen this on TOO MANY AIM profiles

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lay under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep ... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show off to the world when you're in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without make-up, one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares, loves being with you, cares about you, and says how he's the one..."

then

break up with him.

they always seem to leave that last, important part out.

ok, i'm done, seriously. i just couldn't help myself.

i strongly dislike girls

2005-09-06T17:46:00.000-05:00

for those of you who know me, i tend to say "hate"... but i'm going to try to get away from that.

I strongly dislike hot weather, especially, for very obvious (unfortunately) reasons.

anyways, on to business.
in a comment responding to my last post, it was stated that i might need to "consider the types of girls i'm looking for"...
this assumes that the commenter knew/knows what it is that i'm looking for. (i wish i had more time to hang out with you, and i'm thankful for your 'presence' in my life! this isn't personal).
Based solely on a third-person, very removed perspective, it would certainly 'appear' that for the past... oh, 3 i guess... romantic/dating/'serious' relationships, i have been involved with very physically attractive young ladies.
a natural assumption from this would be that i sought out these ladies based upon their physical appearances, largely if not solely.

now...

i'm not going to lie, although you wouldn't really be able to tell one way or the other on this blog... but, in one of those 3 cases, the physical appearance played a large role in my initial attraction. personality followed very very closely as a factor in that relationship, though, and it was personality that maintained the relationship for most of the time we were together.

in the other two of my most recent relationships, it was intellectual and emotional attraction that held the most sway... physical attraction did not develop until later on into the time spent together!

i'm very tempted to put a list of "qualifications" or something just so those of you who read this would KNOW what it is that i truly seek in my close relationships...

suffice it to say - intelligence, confidence, wit, a smile, and fitness are what i consider the most attractive qualities in a lady. and that's what i'm "looking for" in my relationships.

posting...

2005-09-03T18:41:00.000-05:00

don't worry...
i'll be posting a response to the previous post very soon...

i forgot how much school eats your life.

talk about your weird feelings...

2005-08-27T22:37:00.000-05:00

there are some experiences in life that just give you the oddest sensations...

sitting at a picnic table, watching as friends from years past walk slowly towards you across physical space, while memories rush you overwhelmingly from all sides. at a party for a friend, i saw people that helped me grow up when i first came to college... the man who taught me to lead worship... sisters who were patient with me and helped me understand a little of how girls work... brothers who beat me up and laughed with me and encouraged me to continue writing songs... a few people i hadn't seen in over 2 years, or more... it all seemed pretty surreal...

yet another feeling that lingers...

the slow, aching realization that there has been infidelity in a relationship... sometimes it can be a really quick stab that causes internal emotional bleeding... but sometimes it's this numb ache that creeps into your spirit and feels almost crippling... it has spread over me like some sort of pitch or tar, and i can't seem to get it off... the more i try to brush it away, the more deeply it rubs into my skin and gets under my fingernails. i really need to figure out how to process this, though.

girls are the devil.

this week absolutly flew by... if this is any indication of the rest of this year, i'm a little worried... i fell asleep on the couch watching my favorite TV show, being re-run at 1am... i've NEVER fallen asleep on the couch watching TV before... i have to face that i'm old, and becoming something like my dad... who ALWAYS fell asleep watching TV, favorite show or not. He fell asleep in church a lot too... so maybe as long as i keep THAT from happening, i'll be allright.

but, i could stand to sleep a bit more...
so goodnight.

the resistance is here

2005-08-24T14:00:00.000-05:00

CDs are HERE

order one

or listen to a new track or two, when i post them on purevolume or myspace

I definitely had a 'moment' when i pulled up in my driveway.. i saw the boxes sitting there, and i stopped the car and hopped out. I knelt beside the stack of boxes and cut through the packing tape with my car keys, then pulled out a disc... it looks rather professional, and that's actually my name on it... something i've only dreamed about up to this point.

it still blows my mind.

two faces

2005-08-20T21:01:00.000-05:00

i need to write another song.

i wrote one about coming to a realization of where i was.

i need to write this new one about the sad, disappointing realization of where someone else is. it honestly makes me sick to my stomach, to think about the deception, the mockery, the wasted effort involved. I cannot comprehend what goes on in the mind of someone who could behave in such a way as this... to speak words of encouragement and not have any genuine, consistent thought or action to back it up. to speak words of compassion when there is no empathy, there is no sense of self-lessness, only self-preservation and self-glorification.

i suppose that is how we all act apart from a real, interactive relationship with the person of Jesus.

i suppose that i have been capable of such foolishness, and probably been the one at fault as much as i feel the victim at the moment.

but i know that i would seek to have Christ glorified in complete honesty, ultimately.

and i know that this individual does not place honesty, or relationships, or growth, in a place of high priority.